Bedwetters Guide to Being An Evertonian During A Transfer Window

[chicoazul]

@Bebeto I've had 4 separate nominations to tag you into this thread and defend yourself for crime of mattress liquidation.

 

[Seathestars]

Scenario 8:
sell our best player, and only real goal scorer

response: people called bed wetters etc because they're rightfully worried he ha snot been properly replaced a few dyas before the season has ended

scenario 9:
we have a top quality CB in keane come in, and his partner is currently tubby Williams or old man jags

response: people called bed wetters etc because they're rightfully worried that keane doesn't have an adequate partner capable of competing with the top clubs

EDIT**** I'm not currently "bedwetting" because theirs still a few weeks to go, but we definitely need a few more face in, and it would have been a good idea to get them in before the season started

Could have fooled me

 

[Goat]

Scenario 1:
Everton sign a player for a fee over £10m
Response:
Complain that the player is over-priced and that Everton have been taken for a ride. Ask what the chuff Steve Walsh is employed for. Isn't he suppose to be finding us cheap gems?

Scenario 2:
Everton sign a player for a fee of under £10m
Response:
Complain that the player is not of the required quality to take Everton to the next level. Point out that Bournemouth have spend £20m on Nathan Ake. Shouldn't we be outspending them?

Scenario 3:
Everton's net spend is negative (the club have recouped more money from selling players than they have spent on new players)
Response:
Complain that "nothing has changed". Question Farhad Moshiri and state unequivocally that Bill Kenwright is still in charge of the club and that it's still "sell to buy".

Scenario 4:
Everton's net spend is positive (the club have spent more money on players than it has recouped from selling them)
Response:
(1) complain that the club has overspent on players who are not worth it.
(2) complain that the club has been taken for a ride and sold players for less than their value (even if they have been sold for world record fees).
(3) Failing (1) or (2), complain that the net spend still isn't high enough to close the gap to the top 4.

Scenario 5:
Everton complete several transfer deals quickly, allowing the manager to bed players in with a full pre-season.
Response:
Complain that, had we waited a bit longer, we might have signed the players for a cheaper price closer to the deadline. Also suggest that the players' willingness to join Everton so quickly is evidence that they are not of the required level to take the club forward.

Scenario 6:
Everton take their time in the transfer market, leaving several deals to drag on into August, whilst haggling over fees.
Response:
Complain that the club is a farce, that players should have been brought in in June so that they could bed in with a full pre-season.

Scenario 7:
Everton actually do a really good bit of business and sign a player for a reasonable fee who will definitely improve the team.
Response:
Accept nothing. Question whatever you can. Their fitness record. The standard of the team/league they came from. The colour of their hair. The fact that signing them means that one of the young lads won't get a go. The fact that you don't think much of their WAG. Do not, under any circumstances, give off any positive vibe. If all else fails, state clearly that the player is using us as a stepping stone and lament that they will leave next summer, probably for a knockdown fee. If necessary, plant the idea that a terrible release fee clause has been inserted into their contract.

You wont see a better post all summer.

 

[mezzrow]

I concur strongly with the gentlemen of listing these said posters. Please proceed.

You would, wouldn't you? (goes all in on popcorn futures)

You wont see a better post all summer.

s'truth

 

[devogue]

@d4kyxx x10000000

 

[PeregrineT]

Thread of the year nominee

 

[COYB]

Complains this thread has been made exposing us ffs

 

[diggerdestroyer]

Is there a name for the people who are the opposite to bedwetters? I find them even more annoying. Same people will be moaning in march because we are in 8th place. Im not a bed wetter yet but ill soak the sheets at end of window if we dont get another 2/3 players. For defo a main front man and a number 10 who we have been looking for for 4 years. And ill soak em good.

 

[ClausThomsen]

What about the one where, as soon as a player hits 30, he needs binning and replaced by a 23 year old from Celtic?

CC @Mikey_Fitzgerald

It is more or less what we should have done with Jags / Van Dijk - maybe a year or so out in the ages but not far off.

 

[everton2004]

You need to add "the PE Teacher" to your list:

"paid millions and hasn't done anything"

 

[Toast]

The OP is going to hit 100 likes.

Nice one.

 

[Bebeto]

@Bebeto I've had 4 separate nominations to tag you into this thread and defend yourself for crime of mattress liquidation.

Thank you mate. Bed wetter maybe...I think this thread is going to go on meltdown on Saturday if we lose to stoke and even more if we do not add any more players before deadline day. Shame we are not allowed to express concerns or disappointment without been accused of bedwetter and/or kopite.

 

[The_La]

Well this got a lot more love than I thought!

Interesting seeing some of the responses, especially from those who have/feel they have been accused of bedwetting.

There are all sorts of nuances to this - and of course it's ok to criticise and question, when it's deserved.

Personally, I'm just a bit bored of what appears to be a determination to moan and excentuate the negatives in what should be feeling like our most positive summer in yonks. Coming into the summer, people were determined that we sign loads of players and sharp. We've done that. And how.
Yet many people are still not satisfied. Seemingly we've broken a rule by selling people as well...and now because one deal we're trying to do is dragging, it's like the signings we have made never happened.
....and then there's the knee jerk reactions to average pre-season performances. We are never boss in pre season. Never. And if we were, you know what? It would mean absolutely nothing. But I've seen people writing off Klaassen already and panning our chances in the league because we only managed a draw against a champions league team from Spain who slapped the RS in a major final a year ago. The mind just boggles.

All I'd ask is credit the club where it's due, reserve judgement where it's too soon to make one, criticise when it's deserved. But for goodness sake, ENJOY YOURSELVES

 

[zandvoort blue]

We just love a good moan really - any excuses.

I think we could spend about £100m+, strengthen the squad, compete in Europe and have a decent season. It still wouldn't be enough.

In Slovakia the other day, there was a small group sat in the row front of us. Didn't sing a damn word of support until we scored and started moaning and tutting in the second minute. This after making the effort and expense to get over to rural eastern Slovakia. What's more, I bet they were all STH and go every game. Each to their own like. I think it's just in us.

 

[Lanolin]

Well this got a lot more love than I thought!

Interesting seeing some of the responses, especially from those who have/feel they have been accused of bedwetting.

There are all sorts of nuances to this - and of course it's ok to criticise and question, when it's deserved.

Personally, I'm just a bit bored of what appears to be a determination to moan and excentuate the negatives in what should be feeling like our most positive summer in yonks. Coming into the summer, people were determined that we sign loads of players and sharp. We've done that. And how.
Yet many people are still not satisfied. Seemingly we've broken a rule by selling people as well...and now because one deal we're trying to do is dragging, it's like the signings we have made never happened.
....and then there's the knee jerk reactions to average pre-season performances. We are never boss in pre season. Never. And if we were, you know what? It would mean absolutely nothing. But I've seen people writing off Klaassen already and panning our chances in the league because we only managed a draw against a champions league team from Spain who slapped the RS in a major final a year ago. The mind just boggles.

All I'd ask is credit the club where it's due, reserve judgement where it's too soon to make one, criticise when it's deserved. But for goodness sake, ENJOY YOURSELVES

If I wanted to enjoy myself I'd get Netflix or something. I've had a season ticket for 20 years and I reckon I've enjoyed about 8 minutes of it, supporting Everton's supposed to be a chore not a pleasure!