I'm up to around this part and he's knocking around with some of the heavy parts of Liverpool's underground and then acts really surprised when he sees them all on the news when they get nabbed.
The abridged version:
"I was in a car. The police pulled me over and put me over the bonnet, thinking I was my totally legitimate friend."
"I had my car robbed from bellefield. My totally legitimate friends got it back for me within a few hours."
"Gazza sold me a dodgy motor. I warned him about my totally legitimate friends and got my money back pronto."
"I was out with my totally legitimate friend. He smashed a bouncer while we were having dinner and we just carried on until the police arrived."
"Years later, my totally legitimate friend got sent down for years for being a grafter. Come to think of it, loads of my totally legitimate friends were murdered over the years in gangland wars.
I was shocked as they seemed dead nice!"