Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Norlye]

There’s no helping me. I’ve worked in a job where 600 people a week can easily judge me and they haven’t (or they have but only to praise) and now I’ve realised the praise will never be enough.

A lower salary job, less pressure is my route to freedom, it wouldn’t afford me the monies I’m currently squandering on things that will kill me and come with different pressures.

We bought our current house based on my salary and are due to remortgage soon, so will have to get that sorted first. There’s not much good about life.

Percy, if you remortgage with the same bank/building society it can be done with no credit checks or provision of bank statements. Obviously you need to be able to afford it but this might give you scope to move to a less pressured job.

 

[coollino]

Been in my job for 4 years. Received fantastic reviews. I said in my interview that no wasn’t interested in compliments, I was interested in criticism, that was how I thought I could get better.

4 years ago I used to run, I ran 5k daily in sub 23mins. Today I couldn’t run 5k in an hour, I smoke 20 a day and drink to the point of blackout 3 times a week.

The truest word I ever spoke was that I wasn’t interested in compliments, I can’t grasp them, I only find the negatives. I can barely get a word out of my daughter anymore and my son is too young to know any different.

On the positive side I work 6 days a week to try and make sure the family is secure. But ultimately my determination for perfection at my workplace is now costing me, and will definitely cost me long term, if not sooner.

I've been a bit worried I'd word this wrongly, so I hope it doesn't come across in a bad way

Are you using work to hide away/distract yourself from other troubles? It's just that you say working 6 days is a positive but from all you have said on this, it would feel an extra day is a negative

 

[MrD]

Been in my job for 4 years. Received fantastic reviews. I said in my interview that no wasn’t interested in compliments, I was interested in criticism, that was how I thought I could get better.

4 years ago I used to run, I ran 5k daily in sub 23mins. Today I couldn’t run 5k in an hour, I smoke 20 a day and drink to the point of blackout 3 times a week.

The truest word I ever spoke was that I wasn’t interested in compliments, I can’t grasp them, I only find the negatives. I can barely get a word out of my daughter anymore and my son is too young to know any different.

On the positive side I work 6 days a week to try and make sure the family is secure. But ultimately my determination for perfection at my workplace is now costing me, and will definitely cost me long term, if not sooner.

Working too much can be a coping mechanism. You may not feel in control anywhere except work.

You have a definite self worth issue, i struggle with the same thing. Compliments mean nothing because i'm convinced i'm an awful person, so it feels more familiar to be criticised. It aligns with how i feel and the "confirmation" from someone else re-enforced the low opinion i have of myself.

Regardless of the reasons why, Booze and smoking won't help because that same person who ran the 5k's is still inside you and that's the real you. You don't have to go and hit the 5k's again but try and be kinder to yourself, slow down on the booze and start to enjoy a walk every day.

You're worth a lot more than you probably feel.

 

[David09]

Been in my job for 4 years. Received fantastic reviews. I said in my interview that no wasn’t interested in compliments, I was interested in criticism, that was how I thought I could get better.

4 years ago I used to run, I ran 5k daily in sub 23mins. Today I couldn’t run 5k in an hour, I smoke 20 a day and drink to the point of blackout 3 times a week.

The truest word I ever spoke was that I wasn’t interested in compliments, I can’t grasp them, I only find the negatives. I can barely get a word out of my daughter anymore and my son is too young to know any different.

On the positive side I work 6 days a week to try and make sure the family is secure. But ultimately my determination for perfection at my workplace is now costing me, and will definitely cost me long term, if not sooner.

Percy one thing I learnt from divorce was I should have put more effort into my marriage.

My ex wife is well paid teacher and I'm a truck driver so between us we earned good money. But ultimately she got bored because I was working long hours away from home every week.

To cut a long story short I lost everything and I ended up in huge debt as well.

I've also tried and tried with my 20 year old daughter to have a good relationship but I've realised no matter what I do she isn't interested so I've not fallen out with her but I've backed off to virtually no communication.

I'm not happy about the situation because I was very close to her but she chose her mum and grand parents over me and I recognised that chasing her was going to make me ill or kill me if I didn't stop. Sometimes you have to put yourself first.

There's lots of people on here who will chat to you and help. Messy Mascots is also good for a catch up as well.

 

[Spotty]

There’s no helping me. I’ve worked in a job where 600 people a week can easily judge me and they haven’t (or they have but only to praise) and now I’ve realised the praise will never be enough.

A lower salary job, less pressure is my route to freedom, it wouldn’t afford me the monies I’m currently squandering on things that will kill me and come with different pressures.

We bought our current house based on my salary and are due to remortgage soon, so will have to get that sorted first. There’s not much good about life.

Hi Percy, having read the replies to your post, MrD summed it up for me "...be nicer to yourself..". Your very hard on yourself bud, and I believe you are setting yourself up to fail somewhat. You alluded to "600 work mates not judging you...." and because you mentioned it Im guessing it bothers you what they think. Your a little anxious because it sounds to me your bothered what other people think. Why is that? Your obviously a hard working man but give yourself a break Percy. Do you think you are putting too much weight, attributing too much importance or emphasis on what your colleagues think. It would be churlish not to think you shouldn't want to be well thought of by work mates, but its unhealthy to place such importance on it. With respect Percy, people have got too much going on in their own lives to really care about what your doing, or other colleagues. They have - like you - day to day life to deal with. You cant "grasp" the compliments because I suspect your thinking "yeh, if only you knew what was going on in my head" Q the beating yourself up.

Percy your current work life balance is not sustainable. Its just not. Drinking and smoking helping you "cope" , working six days a week and with my nurse hat on, as I alluded to, you're setting yourself up to fail. The money is nice but its got to be earned and you cant go on working like that. Google "work life balance, research from Japan". The Japanese have done some real gold standard research on working and its purported benefits. Its worth taking a look bud. Don't know the age of your daughter but they can be "temperamental " on occasions. If I was you, id sit down with the family, and tell them your concerned about your physical and mental health and were thinking about cutting down on your hours. Get the views of your partner, I'm sure they'll understand. Speak to your employer. Tell them your worries and stresses. I would like to think they will be supportive. As a father and partner Percy, you trying to provide security to your family is honourable but your entitled to be happy. There are no prizes for working yourself to death (see Japanese research I've alluded to). Prioritise your mental health Percy. Minimise wherever possible the things in life that cause you stress.

I suspect - know - that getting an appointment with the NHS is really difficult. Might I suggest investigating how much it would cost to see a therapist privately. I would like to think they would help you re focus, prioritise the things in your life you yourself feel you have been neglecting. On closing its not about "there's no helping me" . There are people out there who can help you HELP YOURSELF", to take back an element of control and instigate the things I suspect you know you need to do. Making the first step can be hard but its often the hardest step. Prioritise your mental health and let the people you love know you are struggling. Good luck fella, all the best.

 

[Jokerdan]

Been in my job for 4 years. Received fantastic reviews. I said in my interview that no wasn’t interested in compliments, I was interested in criticism, that was how I thought I could get better.

4 years ago I used to run, I ran 5k daily in sub 23mins. Today I couldn’t run 5k in an hour, I smoke 20 a day and drink to the point of blackout 3 times a week.

The truest word I ever spoke was that I wasn’t interested in compliments, I can’t grasp them, I only find the negatives. I can barely get a word out of my daughter anymore and my son is too young to know any different.

On the positive side I work 6 days a week to try and make sure the family is secure. But ultimately my determination for perfection at my workplace is now costing me, and will definitely cost me long term, if not sooner.

Fella, it seems to me from an outsiders view point that you are competing against...yourself! You are clearly highly thought of but, for whatever reason, you seem to be looking for something which only you can define. Why can you just not step back a bit, see what you have achieved and be thankful that from a professional perspective you have achieved so much and clearly have very little else to prove to anyone.

As regards your offspring, just as long as you make them aware that your love for them is everlasting don't go pushing the envelope. Just make sure they know you are there for them come hell or high water. Kids can be hard work but you have to let them get on with life and be ready to pick up the pieces. That's what we do as parents even if it does cause us sleepless nights.

And fueling yourself with alcohol does not help in the long term. If anything, it will only add to the problem and give your kids a reason to not want to relate. It's hard, but I know.