I think ultimately it stems from the 'all or nothing' polarisation that seems to be the norm on contentious issues these days.
When I was a kid, computer games were generally considered a young boys plaything. I'm willing to bet that the overwhelming majority of people in this thread are grown adults.
Likewise the number of females in the gaming scene is skyrocketing. The industry has to make changes to reflect its ever changing demographic.
The issue seems to be, as I said above, that a lot of people can't seem to wrap their heads around the difference between a game dev trying to be more inclusive to reflect its player base and as you mentioned, forcibly changing something to please an executive trying to meet a diversity quota.
It's the ones who react to every minority inclusion as "OMG WOKE SJW'S" that my scorn is aimed at.
On the Ellie/Last of us sexuality thing. Naughty Dog's USP is their cinematic style storylines. In fact, if it were a movie, they'd label that DLC as a coming of age drama no doubt and I suspect few would have a problem with it.
Also, if you are going to have a female lead protagonist, why not make her a little bit different than the usual 'badass femme fatale' that we see - you know, an actual personality and back story.
There is of course, a lot of over-compensation for sure in some parts, but I think these things tend to even themselves out at some point