Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[hallamblue]

Firstly, I would like to say I am sorry to DualityNSNO for his loss, and to all other blues on this page.

This is hard, but also, a clever way of expressing themselves.

I want to share with you my story.....

I qualified as a primary school teacher in 2013, and I got a job in some mess of an area in east lancashire. (I live in liverpool) I started looking there because my girlfriend at the time got a job in Darwen. With this in mind we moved to Darwen together, I got a job even further north. We moved on. I was happy with my job, I am a primary school teacher, however, after being a teacher in year 1, getting OUTSTANDING, and then moving to year 5 getting OUTSTANDING, I was moved to year 6 and was marked as GOOD WITH OUTSTANDING..... Everything, 4 years later after poor SATS results, when I was in year 6, I was indirectly blamed. Which caused me a lot of depression, my wife, blamed me for this ongoing abuse from school... She told me I wasnt working hard enough.... I took this on board and decided to work even harder and harder.... I thought about planning better lessons and working harder.... When I was reobserved, I was told I was inadequate... (You literally have to have your thumbs up your arse and do nothing). After this they decided my job was in jeopardy (in context, they had 3 years of bad year 6 data and they where in risk of their own jobs, so why not blame a rookie??) I gave my all, 6am start till 7pm monday till Friday....

Basically, I resigned my job, my wife hates me, I have no job, I am scared for my own mental health... I drink a lot, people are picking up on it and now..... I dont know what to do with my life. I dont think my wife cares for me, do I move back to liverpool, I own a house, I am so lost, I am miserable and I hate myself. I am good at my job and all I want to do is be a good teacher, make kids laugh and show them the way..... Help.

Go to see your GP. Try and stop drinking, it makes things worse. Talk to someone you don't know, a trained counsellor if possible. You need to concentrate on getting yourself well. If you can do that the other decisions will probably become clearer. If you read back through this thread you will find lots of good advice. Take care of yourself mate.

 

[Jacob]

Firstly, I would like to say I am sorry to DualityNSNO for his loss, and to all other blues on this page.

This is hard, but also, a clever way of expressing themselves.

I want to share with you my story.....

I qualified as a primary school teacher in 2013, and I got a job in some mess of an area in east lancashire. (I live in liverpool) I started looking there because my girlfriend at the time got a job in Darwen. With this in mind we moved to Darwen together, I got a job even further north. We moved on. I was happy with my job, I am a primary school teacher, however, after being a teacher in year 1, getting OUTSTANDING, and then moving to year 5 getting OUTSTANDING, I was moved to year 6 and was marked as GOOD WITH OUTSTANDING..... Everything, 4 years later after poor SATS results, when I was in year 6, I was indirectly blamed. Which caused me a lot of depression, my wife, blamed me for this ongoing abuse from school... She told me I wasnt working hard enough.... I took this on board and decided to work even harder and harder.... I thought about planning better lessons and working harder.... When I was reobserved, I was told I was inadequate... (You literally have to have your thumbs up your arse and do nothing). After this they decided my job was in jeopardy (in context, they had 3 years of bad year 6 data and they where in risk of their own jobs, so why not blame a rookie??) I gave my all, 6am start till 7pm monday till Friday....

Basically, I resigned my job, my wife hates me, I have no job, I am scared for my own mental health... I drink a lot, people are picking up on it and now..... I dont know what to do with my life. I dont think my wife cares for me, do I move back to liverpool, I own a house, I am so lost, I am miserable and I hate myself. I am good at my job and all I want to do is be a good teacher, make kids laugh and show them the way..... Help.

Don't make any rash decision regarding the practicalities of what you should do yet. Your main No 1 priority now is your health.....you cant do anything without it. See your GP as soon as you can and he/she will try and help you get get off the downward spiral you've found yourself in and the domino effect of trouble you've encountered. You need to be feeling better to even contemplate making radical changes...moving etc. You seem unsure of what your wife thinks now...you could tell her youre seeking professional help to enable you to cope with getting near to being on an even keel. She more than likely has found it all too much for her to handle...maybe if she knows youre getting help she may in turn show an interest in rekindling the way you both were. Theres no quick fix but without strengthening the fragile way you feel you wont be able to start on the road back. Don't hate yourself....you are a good teacher - you've shown that. Opportunity will return (even in another capacity) once you feel better...you will bounce back once you make the bravest decision ....to get the help you deserve.

 

[kithnou]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

Ah damn just catching up on this. No good. May the fella RIP.

 

[big bobs beard]

Firstly, I would like to say I am sorry to DualityNSNO for his loss, and to all other blues on this page.

This is hard, but also, a clever way of expressing themselves.

I want to share with you my story.....

I qualified as a primary school teacher in 2013, and I got a job in some mess of an area in east lancashire. (I live in liverpool) I started looking there because my girlfriend at the time got a job in Darwen. With this in mind we moved to Darwen together, I got a job even further north. We moved on. I was happy with my job, I am a primary school teacher, however, after being a teacher in year 1, getting OUTSTANDING, and then moving to year 5 getting OUTSTANDING, I was moved to year 6 and was marked as GOOD WITH OUTSTANDING..... Everything, 4 years later after poor SATS results, when I was in year 6, I was indirectly blamed. Which caused me a lot of depression, my wife, blamed me for this ongoing abuse from school... She told me I wasnt working hard enough.... I took this on board and decided to work even harder and harder.... I thought about planning better lessons and working harder.... When I was reobserved, I was told I was inadequate... (You literally have to have your thumbs up your arse and do nothing). After this they decided my job was in jeopardy (in context, they had 3 years of bad year 6 data and they where in risk of their own jobs, so why not blame a rookie??) I gave my all, 6am start till 7pm monday till Friday....

Basically, I resigned my job, my wife hates me, I have no job, I am scared for my own mental health... I drink a lot, people are picking up on it and now..... I dont know what to do with my life. I dont think my wife cares for me, do I move back to liverpool, I own a house, I am so lost, I am miserable and I hate myself. I am good at my job and all I want to do is be a good teacher, make kids laugh and show them the way..... Help.

Mate you are not alone. As a teacher I hae seen/ heard of many whose lives hae been and are being made a misery due to the ridiculous pressures, heads who seek to blame individuals for poor SATS results. Lads who I qualified with 25 years ago, three of the hae all suffered this, the effects to your esteem are devastating. BUT there is hope, they all went on supply after being forced out and all found work in schools who appreciate them for being good teachers and got offered new jobs and all are much happier. You an get through this - remember you are a good teacher, your previous obswrvations have proven this. My top tip though would be to avoid year 6 like the plague it's a blame game. I myself just now aim to survive from year to year, the idea of lasting till I'm 60 in this job is now laughable. Cut out the drink. get on supply and see what happens. Also start tutoring mate - there are so many kids struggling with the new curriulum that parents are desperate, one you get agood reputation there is as much work as you want, I do an extra 5 hours aweek which is a £100 a week but have turned down at least another 5 hours as I still teach full time. You also benefit from good one to one relationships, I love the kids I tutor, they love the sessions and the parents are made up, it really gives you a feel good factor - and the cash - win win. There are loads of schools out there- not all will be bad places to work and supply will open your eyes to some of them. Good luck!

 

[brieverton]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

Very sorry to hear that mate. It's something all of us that have ever loved an animal absolutely dread. Take some solace that he is free from pain and that he was a lucky dog to have you, as you were to have him, with a great life and many happy memories.

 

[big bobs beard]

Firstly, I would like to say I am sorry to DualityNSNO for his loss, and to all other blues on this page.

This is hard, but also, a clever way of expressing themselves.

I want to share with you my story.....

I qualified as a primary school teacher in 2013, and I got a job in some mess of an area in east lancashire. (I live in liverpool) I started looking there because my girlfriend at the time got a job in Darwen. With this in mind we moved to Darwen together, I got a job even further north. We moved on. I was happy with my job, I am a primary school teacher, however, after being a teacher in year 1, getting OUTSTANDING, and then moving to year 5 getting OUTSTANDING, I was moved to year 6 and was marked as GOOD WITH OUTSTANDING..... Everything, 4 years later after poor SATS results, when I was in year 6, I was indirectly blamed. Which caused me a lot of depression, my wife, blamed me for this ongoing abuse from school... She told me I wasnt working hard enough.... I took this on board and decided to work even harder and harder.... I thought about planning better lessons and working harder.... When I was reobserved, I was told I was inadequate... (You literally have to have your thumbs up your arse and do nothing). After this they decided my job was in jeopardy (in context, they had 3 years of bad year 6 data and they where in risk of their own jobs, so why not blame a rookie??) I gave my all, 6am start till 7pm monday till Friday....

Basically, I resigned my job, my wife hates me, I have no job, I am scared for my own mental health... I drink a lot, people are picking up on it and now..... I dont know what to do with my life. I dont think my wife cares for me, do I move back to liverpool, I own a house, I am so lost, I am miserable and I hate myself. I am good at my job and all I want to do is be a good teacher, make kids laugh and show them the way..... Help.

Rereading your post by the way mate - she hardly sounds supportive considering you gave up eveything to move to some godforsaken place like Darwin. She needs to remember her vows mate -for better or worse, in sickness and health for richer or poorer. Doesn't sound like much love and cherishing there. You need a big talk you feel bad enough with work, you shouldn't then get blamed at home. Have words and if she still 'hates' you, you have a big decision to make.

 

[EFCPaul]

To be honest I once was bothered about fitting in with people like that until I realised these types of people you speak of aren't worth fitting in with. They have proven themselves to be utter divvies, so therefore I wouldn't worry about them. While it may not be a good idea health wise, if you have a local pub make yourself a regular there. I've found at times when friends aren't there having people you know in pubs is always helpful, particularly fellow blues. I don't know where your from but in general scouser's are a friendly bunch so therefore there are always new people to meet. I've been in environments similar to yours, however I just avoided them and chose to live my life my way, and not let people like you speak of get me down. If people don't accept for who you are which to me seems like a decent person having never met you forget them. I'm sure there would be plenty on here who would meet you for a pint before of after games if you felt you had nobody to speak to.

Yeah mate good advice just I'm not sure how to put it into action. I definitely want to get out more and meet new people, forge new relationships. That's what's been getting me down really, me feeling bored by my life the way it is but not seeing any way to change it, it feels very disheartening.

There aren't any pubs around where I live or any places for strangers to meet others really. There is a gym I go too but I usually go by myself and a gym isn't generally a place to get chatting to new people anyway, people go to get their heads down and have a session not to mingle. I have friends I hang out with socially but whenever we go out to bars I usually find my bottle goes and so I don't make any first moves with anyone.

I've recently decided to have a go of this Tinder app thing but I'm still trying to get to grips with how to use it properly. Hopefully things pick in the next few months, even if it's just meeting a few new people and freshening up my social circle.

 

[matty1878]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

I'm so sorry mate. I had to go through this end of November. It will get easier in time but nothing will take your pain away Right now mate it's still raw for me. They are our family but you've done what you've had to for him. Chin up mate if you wanna talk atall I'm here x

 

[DualityNSNO]

I'm so sorry mate. I had to go through this end of November. It will get easier in time but nothing will take your pain away Right now mate it's still raw for me. They are our family but you've done what you've had to for him. Chin up mate if you wanna talk atall I'm here x

Remember that Matty, still gutted about you as well (was gonna mention you but forgot! Sorry). He's gone but will never be forgotten, and we aren't even thinking about a second dog at this point, maybe when the grief is over.

Thanks mate x

 

[Ashtonian]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

I'm so sorry mate.

He will be long remembered and you were with him until the end. No words to say other than I hope things get better in time

 

[Prevenger17]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

So sorry for you mate, only just seeing this. Losing a friend is terrible

 

[LinekersLegs]

Glad that discussing issues such as this are becoming far more common and accepted.
https://www.theguardian.com/football/2017/jan/23/sam-hutchinson-sheffield-wednesday-chelsea
Before retiring he would take small steps forward, creating plenty of good impressions, but be forced back by the injury, unable to capitalise on these moments, not least because he could train only once a week. “It was more depressing knowing I wasn’t able to do what I could do, because of the limitations I’d had.”

For six months after retirement, Hutchinson was “not in a good place”, mental pain linked to the physical, and pushed away virtually everyone apart from his wife. He eventually sought help at the Priory for mental health problems that were brewing even before his knee forced him out of the game and his work there was just as important as anything the gym or physios could help him with. “I probably did as much work mentally as I did physically to come back,” he says. “I spoke to people, did a bit of brain training. You just get to a point in your life where you either go through the motions and maybe become a bit-part player or you really go for it.”

 

[larbert toffee]

Glad that discussing issues such as this are becoming far more common and accepted.
https://www.theguardian.com/football/2017/jan/23/sam-hutchinson-sheffield-wednesday-chelsea
Before retiring he would take small steps forward, creating plenty of good impressions, but be forced back by the injury, unable to capitalise on these moments, not least because he could train only once a week. “It was more depressing knowing I wasn’t able to do what I could do, because of the limitations I’d had.”

For six months after retirement, Hutchinson was “not in a good place”, mental pain linked to the physical, and pushed away virtually everyone apart from his wife. He eventually sought help at the Priory for mental health problems that were brewing even before his knee forced him out of the game and his work there was just as important as anything the gym or physios could help him with. “I probably did as much work mentally as I did physically to come back,” he says. “I spoke to people, did a bit of brain training. You just get to a point in your life where you either go through the motions and maybe become a bit-part player or you really go for it.”

Great comeback story to give hope to sufferers in a similar position.

 

[EFCPaul]

Giving this Tinder a go, it has helped get my mind off things a fair bit. Hopefully I get some matches soon. My mate swears it's a great way to meet new people.

Went off the citalopram for a few days and definitely felt a difference, luckily I was off work. I'm back on them now and plan to stay on them for the foreseeable future. Work is a bit better, finding myself less nervous and generally a bit more chatty. Still having moments of terrible anxiety but they don't last as long. Thoughts of self-harm are still there but are more fleeting.

Still hoping something happens soon that really perks me up and gives me a reason to look forward to the future.

 

[Eggs]

Firstly, I would like to say I am sorry to DualityNSNO for his loss, and to all other blues on this page.

This is hard, but also, a clever way of expressing themselves.

I want to share with you my story.....

I qualified as a primary school teacher in 2013, and I got a job in some mess of an area in east lancashire. (I live in liverpool) I started looking there because my girlfriend at the time got a job in Darwen. With this in mind we moved to Darwen together, I got a job even further north. We moved on. I was happy with my job, I am a primary school teacher, however, after being a teacher in year 1, getting OUTSTANDING, and then moving to year 5 getting OUTSTANDING, I was moved to year 6 and was marked as GOOD WITH OUTSTANDING..... Everything, 4 years later after poor SATS results, when I was in year 6, I was indirectly blamed. Which caused me a lot of depression, my wife, blamed me for this ongoing abuse from school... She told me I wasnt working hard enough.... I took this on board and decided to work even harder and harder.... I thought about planning better lessons and working harder.... When I was reobserved, I was told I was inadequate... (You literally have to have your thumbs up your arse and do nothing). After this they decided my job was in jeopardy (in context, they had 3 years of bad year 6 data and they where in risk of their own jobs, so why not blame a rookie??) I gave my all, 6am start till 7pm monday till Friday....

Basically, I resigned my job, my wife hates me, I have no job, I am scared for my own mental health... I drink a lot, people are picking up on it and now..... I dont know what to do with my life. I dont think my wife cares for me, do I move back to liverpool, I own a house, I am so lost, I am miserable and I hate myself. I am good at my job and all I want to do is be a good teacher, make kids laugh and show them the way..... Help.

....having two teachers in my family I know the pressure. My son had the 'calling' and I think it really suited him but he fell out of love with it and is earning much more in IT. Like you, my daughter in law is a primary teacher and it's intense. Seems to me you're an outstanding teacher, perhaps you were trying to hard to increase your marks and forgot to be yourself. Not fully sure of your home situation but have you thought of taking your skills abroad to give yourself a break? My son did a few years in Dubai where I know there's a shortage and it did him no harm at all.