You're the Manager

Columbia6 · December 27, 2009

None of our players are great set-piece takers, so the shortest player on the pitch at any given moment takes the set pieces. Tim Cahill is exempt from this.

Leon, if the ball comes anywhere near you, just cover your eyes and run away.

Hibbert, just run back and forth along the goal line, you might be able to prevent one someday.

Yak, there is nothing in the rulebook which says you can't bring a Segway onto the pitch.

Fellaini, when competing in the air, be sure to jump in front of your man so that he can't see a damn thing.

EDIT: Also feel free to "windmill" your arms as you run around the pitch, and then blame other players for getting in your way.

Frankly, I don't see how we could lose another game this season b)

Hayee · December 27, 2009

Bring in Andy Hinchcliffe to teach Baines et al how to take a set piece!

stinger · December 27, 2009

I will be probably the only one who wants to see it, but I want our wide midfielders to play even more narrow offensively and constantly using full backs to overlap. This should help us retaing possession better (more options for CBs and DMs to pass for), as well as help us building the attacks, with wide players (Pienaar, Billy, Osman) being the most creative ones. We can put them out-wide more when we will have Arteta back, or someone who can do his job.
Also, I want to see Pienaar playing strictly on the left and Billy on the right, not the other way around, or them switching over every few minutes.

Blubus bow · December 27, 2009

I would like us to get to the by line and rather than a pathetic cross, mix it up a bit and cut it back to the edge of the area. We are terrible at crosses, which ok they may be difficult, but these are professional elite footballers paid thousands of pounds a week, they should be able to do anything with a ball, we can even teach sea lions how to balance a ball on their noses, why not teach one play how to take a corner? Get a sea lion trainer in there! :lol:

bluebastardo · December 27, 2009

Movement off the ball - We don't move for the man in possession, be it in attack or defense.
The best teams think 2 passes in advance and move accordingly.

Standing off the opponent - We are guilty of this. When the opponent has the ball, we stand a metre away instead of putting quick pressure on them and forcing them to make a bad pass.

Defending outside the box - We are woeful in this department and allow players too much room and time to take a shot.

Through ball - We are unable to actually play the ball on the ground into the opponents area, and instead rely on crossing the ball too much.

Pace - We have no wide players with quick movement unless you count the headless chickens that are Vaughan and Aggard, who have pace, but no brain, and both would be better served on the wing.

Marking - Too often our midfielders are not marking anyone and are simply in a pointless area of the pitch when not in possession.

Defense - Defense starts with the midfield, and we have a problem regarding a true defensive midfielder.
Heitinga, Fellaini, and Neville are our best bet at the moment, and yet Fellaini has talents for other positions, as does Heitinga, and Neville is not getting younger.

Leadership - With the exception of Neville, we have little leadership on the pitch, and really need 2 leaders. One to command the defense, and the other to command the midfield.
Think Terry / Lampard, Gerrard / Carragher, Ferdinand / Rooney etc etc. Chelsea have so many leaders in the team it is unreal.

McBain · December 28, 2009

Upper Sturry Sherbets said:
If I was the manager I'd take 'em all off to Disneyland Paris for a short break, have Hibbert and Cahill go on the water chutes and Yakubu can try his hand at hook a duck or something, it would do wonders for morale.

This is a tried and tested method with former teams on their way to glory actually, don't knock it.

failing that, a bit more endeavor in the final third.

Columbia6 said:
None of our players are great set-piece takers, so the shortest player on the pitch at any given moment takes the set pieces. Tim Cahill is exempt from this.

Leon, if the ball comes anywhere near you, just cover your eyes and run away.

Hibbert, just run back and forth along the goal line, you might be able to prevent one someday.

Yak, there is nothing in the rulebook which says you can't bring a Segway onto the pitch.

Fellaini, when competing in the air, be sure to jump in front of your man so that he can't see a damn thing.

EDIT: Also feel free to "windmill" your arms as you run around the pitch, and then blame other players for getting in your way.

Frankly, I don't see how we could lose another game this season b)