Not Safe For Work! Urban Myths/Legends

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Duncan Disordely

Duncan Disordely

Player Valuation: £35m
Urban Legend:
Noun: An entertaining story or piece of information of uncertain origin that is circulated as though true
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I am sure that throughout our lives we have all heard boss Urban Legends that are either brilliantly funny, or so bizarre they have to be true. Well here's a thread for us to enlighten each other with the weirdest/funniest or even scariest urban legends you have heard.

Here's one to start you off..

Back in the 70's before playing an alcoholic drug fuelled sex maniac in sit-com Absolutely Fabulous, future saviour of the Gurkha's, Joanna Lumley was actually a drug fuelled sex maniac. Her favourite substance of choice was a bit of Bolivian Marching powder. This being the 70's, firing a bit of yayo up your nose was not enough for some people, and the more adventurous drug user's out there would experiment with their other orifices. :blink:

The legend has it that Joanna Lumley was partial to a bit of bugle being blown up her dirtbox, or taking a lovers length up there that had been dipped into a bowl of beak. Years of this extreme method of getting her rocks off resulted in a severe case of "Daniella Westbrook Nose", only downstairs, so much so that Joanna Lumley now has a rubber ring-piece as her original one rotted away :o

Over to you fellow GOTer's

NB: All of the above may, or may not be true
 

Duncan Disordely said:
I am sure that throughout our lives we have all heard boss Urban Legends that are either brilliantly funny, or so bizarre they have to be true. Well here's a thread for us to enlighten each other with the weirdest/funniest or even scariest urban legends you have heard.

Here's one to start you off..

Back in the 70's before playing an alcoholic drug fuelled sex maniac in sit-com Absolutely Fabulous, future saviour of the Gurkha's, Joanna Lumley was actually a drug fuelled sex maniac. Her favourite substance of choice was a bit of Bolivian Marching powder. This being the 70's, firing a bit of yayo up your nose was not enough for some people, and the more adventurous drug user's out there would experiment with their other orifices. :blink:

The legend has it that Joanna Lumley was partial to a bit of bugle being blown up her dirtbox, or taking a lovers length up there that had been dipped into a bowl of beak. Years of this extreme method of getting her rocks off resulted in a severe case of "Daniella Westbrook Nose", only downstairs, so much so that Joanna Lumley now has a rubber ring-piece as her original one rotted away :o

Over to you fellow GOTer's

NB: All of the above may, or may not be true
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Women+don+t+use+vibrators.+That+s+an+urban+myth.+What+REALLY+_41a036d0c597e19c960a4f0485c52e44.jpg
 

haha, that's hilarious, not heard that one before.

I somehow think this thread could have a limited shelf life though.

Have we got time for the Marc Almond ones?
 
This was a classic I heard years ago.

It involved a young couple, presumably not long together, as they were still banging each other all over the shop. Taking advantage of the fact that her parents were away for the weekend, they decided to 'christen' every room of their house.

They were naked on the kitchen table with the guy down there growling at the badger, when he was suddenly struck with an awesome idea. 'Why don't I cover your bits in food and lick them off?!' He grabbed a jar of mayo from the counter and slapped it on his girl's afro clam, before greedily lapping it up. Much fun was undoubtedly had by all.

They were both ill for a day or two but presumed it something they both ate - yet days later the girl was still complaining of stomach pains and a weird tickling sensation in her tummy. It eventually got so bad that she went to the doctor, they ran a few tests but could find nothing wrong.

She was eventually rushed to ER where they examined her and found her uterus to be swarming with maggots.

Turned out the mayonnaise that the boyfriend used had been left out for days, flies had laid eggs in there and the boyfriend had thoughtfully pushed them up into the comfort of her squish mitten with his tongue - where they happily incubated, before hatching and burrowing their way to freedom.



Kind of put me off tuna mayo for a while.
 

A bunch of friends allegeldy got into a young women's apartment to surprise her on her birthday. They were hiding in the living room when she came home, but she went straight to her room after a quick stop at the fridge. Next thing she's screaming and moaning and when they go to see what happens, they turn on the light to her her Great Dane lapping peanut butter from her clunge.
 
heatmeiser said:
This was a classic I heard years ago.

It involved a young couple, presumably not long together, as they were still banging each other all over the shop. Taking advantage of the fact that her parents were away for the weekend, they decided to 'christen' every room of their house.

They were naked on the kitchen table with the guy down there growling at the badger, when he was suddenly struck with an awesome idea. 'Why don't I cover your bits in food and lick them off?!' He grabbed a jar of mayo from the counter and slapped it on his girl's afro clam, before greedily lapping it up. Much fun was undoubtedly had by all.

They were both ill for a day or two but presumed it something they both ate - yet days later the girl was still complaining of stomach pains and a weird tickling sensation in her tummy. It eventually got so bad that she went to the doctor, they ran a few tests but could find nothing wrong.

She was eventually rushed to ER where they examined her and found her uterus to be swarming with maggots.

Turned out the mayonnaise that the boyfriend used had been left out for days, flies had laid eggs in there and the boyfriend had thoughtfully pushed them up into the comfort of her squish mitten with his tongue - where they happily incubated, before hatching and burrowing their way to freedom.



Kind of put me off tuna mayo for a while.
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Hahaha ffs.
 
canuckblue said:
A bunch of friends allegeldy got into a young women's apartment to surprise her on her birthday. They were hiding in the living room when she came home, but she went straight to her room after a quick stop at the fridge. Next thing she's screaming and moaning and when they go to see what happens, they turn on the light to her her Great Dane lapping peanut butter from her clunge.
Click to expand...

There's a story similar to this with an ex flat mate of mine, she apparently smeared butter all over her arse and was caught by her brother bent over with the dog licking her arsehole. I like to think it's true but it's probably not
 

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