ijjysmith
Calm
The Basics:
Loan move: Wet your lips
New rumour: 1 sip (add one sip if it involves your club)
Medical: 2 sips (add one sip if it involves your club)
Done deal: 3 sips (add one sip if it involves your club)
Advanced rules for experts:
Feature about 'transfer merry-go-round', complete with crude cartoon of merry-go-round, appears in tabloid newspaper: 1 sip
'Return Of The Mack' plays as Jim White takes his seat at the Sky Sports bridge: 1 sip
Pissed-up kids mooning behind reporter standing outside Stoke: 2 sips
Carlos Tevez spotted in Milan: 1 sip
Jim White: "Christopher wants a transfer but will Spurs or QPR be doing the Samba on deadline day?": 1 sip
HELICOPTER SIGHTING!: Finish your drink
Hilarious "Messi spotted at Scunthorpe" gag is retweeted 100 times: 0 sips
Grainy video images of new midfielder, shot through training ground office window: 2 sips
Jim White winks at camera, smugly: 1 sip
As above, but with phrase "Come-and-get-me plea": 2 sips
Glacial glare of death from Jim White as a reporter ventures that "tonight may turn out to be a damp squib": 1 sip
Over-the-hill pundit in Sky Sports studios uses the phrase "damp squid": 2 sips
Misreading of one of Joey Barton's Tweets sparks rumours that QPR are about to sign Stuttgart schemer Georg Hegel: 1 sip
PLAYER BEING RUSHED THROUGH AIRPORT!: Finish your drink
Sky Sports tickertape goes yellow: 1 sip
Pissed-off reporter outside ground in rain says "As I've said before, we're not expecting any movement here, Jim": 1 sip
Jim tells reporter he'll check back with him at 8pm, 9pm, 10pm, and 11pm just to make sure: 3 sips
Carlos Tevez spotted in Paris: 1 sip
On Talksport, Adrian Durham says the "transfer window is not all that": 1 sip
Reporter outside ground's attempt to break major transfer news is drowned out by crowd chanting name of player they're signing: 1 sip
Arsene Wenger says Arsenal will do no business but fans can be happy as "Jack Wilshere will be like a new £30m signing when he comes back": 1 sip
Flustered Jim reading out biography of hitherto unknown signing, obviously straight from Wikipedia: 1 sip
in-depth interview with manager conducted through car window: 1 sip
One of Andy Burton's mobiles goes off while he's on the air: 1 sip
One of Andy Burton's mobiles goes off while he's on the air, and it's Richard Bacon: 3 sips
Big Sky pad breaks down, shows off user's porn collection instead: 3 sips
South American player pictured arriving in Sunderland, at 10.48pm, in a T-shirt and shades: 2 sips
Jim White: "There's Strictly no bidders for Samba so far": 1 sip
As Jim rambles on about sod-all, look on Natalie Sawyer's face suggests that even a night at home with Sam Matterface is better than this: 1 sip
Carlos Tevez spotted in Brazil: 1 sip
Big Ben chimes portentously as absolutely nothing happens: 1 sip
Jim White SHOUTING FOR NO REASON like Brick in Anchorman: 2 sips
Awkward reference to Harry Redknapp being "otherwise engaged": 1 sip
FAILED MEDICAL!: Finish your drink
Kid outside ground is already wearing replica shirt of new striker: 1 sip
Kid outside ground is already burning replica shirt of old striker who's just left: 3 sips
Carlos Tevez spotted at Anfield: 1 sip
Jim White STARTS. TALKING. LIKE. THIS: 2 sips
Jim White's MAJOR. MIDLANDS. TRANSFER. NEWS turns out to involve Liam Ridgewell: 1 sip
New signing says: "Two or three clubs were in for me but once I heard (insert name) were interested there was no other choice": 1 sip
Veteran defender explains drop to mid-level Championship plodders with the words: "They're a Premier League side in all but name": 1 sip
Oh no! Spurs' fax has run out of paper and they bought some more but the dog ate it!: 3 sips
Carlos Tevez spotted weeping in bushes outside Roberto Mancini's house, holding olive branch: 1 sip
"Don't fret," says Jim as he prepares to take his leave of us mortals. "There's only 121 days to the next transfer window". Winks: Finish your drinks and stumble off to bed
Loan move: Wet your lips
New rumour: 1 sip (add one sip if it involves your club)
Medical: 2 sips (add one sip if it involves your club)
Done deal: 3 sips (add one sip if it involves your club)
Advanced rules for experts:
Feature about 'transfer merry-go-round', complete with crude cartoon of merry-go-round, appears in tabloid newspaper: 1 sip
'Return Of The Mack' plays as Jim White takes his seat at the Sky Sports bridge: 1 sip
Pissed-up kids mooning behind reporter standing outside Stoke: 2 sips
Carlos Tevez spotted in Milan: 1 sip
Jim White: "Christopher wants a transfer but will Spurs or QPR be doing the Samba on deadline day?": 1 sip
HELICOPTER SIGHTING!: Finish your drink
Hilarious "Messi spotted at Scunthorpe" gag is retweeted 100 times: 0 sips
Grainy video images of new midfielder, shot through training ground office window: 2 sips
Jim White winks at camera, smugly: 1 sip
As above, but with phrase "Come-and-get-me plea": 2 sips
Glacial glare of death from Jim White as a reporter ventures that "tonight may turn out to be a damp squib": 1 sip
Over-the-hill pundit in Sky Sports studios uses the phrase "damp squid": 2 sips
Misreading of one of Joey Barton's Tweets sparks rumours that QPR are about to sign Stuttgart schemer Georg Hegel: 1 sip
PLAYER BEING RUSHED THROUGH AIRPORT!: Finish your drink
Sky Sports tickertape goes yellow: 1 sip
Pissed-off reporter outside ground in rain says "As I've said before, we're not expecting any movement here, Jim": 1 sip
Jim tells reporter he'll check back with him at 8pm, 9pm, 10pm, and 11pm just to make sure: 3 sips
Carlos Tevez spotted in Paris: 1 sip
On Talksport, Adrian Durham says the "transfer window is not all that": 1 sip
Reporter outside ground's attempt to break major transfer news is drowned out by crowd chanting name of player they're signing: 1 sip
Arsene Wenger says Arsenal will do no business but fans can be happy as "Jack Wilshere will be like a new £30m signing when he comes back": 1 sip
Flustered Jim reading out biography of hitherto unknown signing, obviously straight from Wikipedia: 1 sip
in-depth interview with manager conducted through car window: 1 sip
One of Andy Burton's mobiles goes off while he's on the air: 1 sip
One of Andy Burton's mobiles goes off while he's on the air, and it's Richard Bacon: 3 sips
Big Sky pad breaks down, shows off user's porn collection instead: 3 sips
South American player pictured arriving in Sunderland, at 10.48pm, in a T-shirt and shades: 2 sips
Jim White: "There's Strictly no bidders for Samba so far": 1 sip
As Jim rambles on about sod-all, look on Natalie Sawyer's face suggests that even a night at home with Sam Matterface is better than this: 1 sip
Carlos Tevez spotted in Brazil: 1 sip
Big Ben chimes portentously as absolutely nothing happens: 1 sip
Jim White SHOUTING FOR NO REASON like Brick in Anchorman: 2 sips
Awkward reference to Harry Redknapp being "otherwise engaged": 1 sip
FAILED MEDICAL!: Finish your drink
Kid outside ground is already wearing replica shirt of new striker: 1 sip
Kid outside ground is already burning replica shirt of old striker who's just left: 3 sips
Carlos Tevez spotted at Anfield: 1 sip
Jim White STARTS. TALKING. LIKE. THIS: 2 sips
Jim White's MAJOR. MIDLANDS. TRANSFER. NEWS turns out to involve Liam Ridgewell: 1 sip
New signing says: "Two or three clubs were in for me but once I heard (insert name) were interested there was no other choice": 1 sip
Veteran defender explains drop to mid-level Championship plodders with the words: "They're a Premier League side in all but name": 1 sip
Oh no! Spurs' fax has run out of paper and they bought some more but the dog ate it!: 3 sips
Carlos Tevez spotted weeping in bushes outside Roberto Mancini's house, holding olive branch: 1 sip
"Don't fret," says Jim as he prepares to take his leave of us mortals. "There's only 121 days to the next transfer window". Winks: Finish your drinks and stumble off to bed
