RFUS
Anustart
Last week I totally forgot to do one of these, sorry. In the end it wasn't the most exciting weekend of games anyway. You know that's the case when an Everton game was one of the highest scoring and most entertaining! There were some results of note, however. City continued their frustratingly good start to the season with a comfortable 3-0 win against our opponents for this week. But United went and topped them again by beating Bolton 5-0; leap-frogging city to the top of the table in the process. And of course, Stoke beat the sh*te! Although Dalglish has let everyone and their grandmothers know that the ref was to blame, and because apparently he and his team are more important than everyone else, he's being listened to. Expect Liverpool to get about 9 penalties then.
Saturday
12:45 KO
Blackburn vs Arsenal -- KFC picked up their first point of the season last week with a draw against Fulham. They are still at the bottom of the table however and will be hoping to take something off this wounded, albeit recovering Arsenal side. Said Arsenal side will of course feature Mikel Arteta. That just does not sound right at all, does it? Mikky was fairly tame in his debut as Arsenal unconvincingly beat Swansea thanks to a hilarious goalkeeping error. They were similarly unconvincing midweek against Borussia Dortmund, as they snatched a point and very nearly all three, despite the German side's dominance. Yakubu could potentially square up against Arteta, as he is of course now at KFC. I'll avoid the fat jokes and just skip straight to the prediction then... 1-1.
3:00 KO
Aston Villa vs Newcastle -- Fresh from their bi-annual Everton points mugging, Villa face a Newcastle side who have started the season well. However they were completely dominated by QPR in their last game and were lucky to claim a point. On the surface this game sounds a bit boring, but Newcastle did of course beat Villa 6-0 in an extraordinary game last year. Then again, Villa have managed to defy the odds and appoint an even more dreary, defensive Glaswegian than our very own in Alex McCleish, so a repeat of that one is unlikely. 0-0.
Bolton vs Norwich -- Bolton were thoroughly bummed in their last game by a United team that didn't even look like it was trying. However there seems to be little shame in that this season, and I really do dread the day we have to play them. Norwich were incredibly unlucky to lose their last game, with ex-Everton physio-favourite James Vaughan somehow not getting a penalty late on after being elbowed in the face. He actually had to get plastic surgery afterwards to repair the damage, it was that bad... but this is James Vaughan, so I doubt anyone is surprised. He could break his leg shaking your hand. Norwich are still looking for their first win of the season, and a wounded Bolton could present a good opportunity, so I'm going to say the canaries will edge this one 0-1.
Swansea vs West Brom -- Saggy face's baggies face the sheep shaggies in what doesn't sound too exciting a fixture to those of the EFCNIK school of thought; where every team not established during the premier league era is a small team not worthy of the top flight. To the rest of us though this could be an interesting one. Swansea have yet to score and must do so before the 78th minute, or else they will break the PL-era record for the longest time without a goal at the start of a season. They have shown signs however, and West Brom themselves are a very tidy outfit. Odemwingie is fit again and Shane Long has acquitted himself well to the league, so they certainly have goals in them. 2-2.
Wolves vs QPR -- Mick McCarthy's wrestling troupe (and Matt Jarvis <3) take on a reformed QPR, fresh with new faces and finances thanks to the man with the greatest name in the world; Tony Fernandes. They started with a bold 5 debutants in their last game, including perennial jarg Everton rumour icon Sean Wright-Phillips and twitter tw*t Joey Barton. Surprisingly they all looked comfortable with each other and played a very good, high-tempo game of football against Newcastle. They were unlucky not to win but will look to try and carry their good play and energy into this fixture. Wolves themselves started their first few games very well, but lost last time out against Spurs. This could go either way really, but I think QPR will come away with their second win of the season; 1-2.
Sunday
1:30 KO
Spurs vs Liverpool -- Eurgh. You just know the disgruntled dwarf's media tantrums are going to earn his side some favourable decisions. FFS. Hopefully not though. I'm not particulalry fond of Spurs or their player-poaching manager, either like, but hopefully they can do the RS. In Adebayor they have a proven, albeit temperamental, goalscoring threat and their midfield is excellent. Although Van Der Vaart is still a doubt, after he picked up some kind of injury a while back, much to the chagrin of fantasy football managers around the world. I'm going to go with my head over my heart here and say the sh*te will nick this one 1-2.
3:00 KO
Fulham vs Man City -- Finally, Man City's perfect run is going to come to an end. They've played mostly crap teams so far who've just presented their freshly lubed bumholes to them, in awe of their huge, throbbing financial muscle. But now they face the master tactician that is Maarten Jol. Buoyed by a good performance mid-week against a quality side in FC Twente, the cottagers will be looking to take something from the apple of the media's eye. Fulham are traditionally formidable at home and do possess options up front with Clit Dempsey and a finally fit AJ (who scored a very good goal against Twente). Big money signing Bryan Ruiz has struggled to adapt to the league so far, but it's early days. 1-1!
Sunderland vs Stoke -- With Asamoah Gyan gone in highly surreal, disgusting but not that surprising circumstances, Sunderland look even more toothless up front. Stoke on the other hand did the sh*te last week and have only gone and signed the tallest striker in the league to accompany their infuriatingly effective long ball tactics. Sunderland are shaky at the back so that really is not a good combination for Bruce's big-spending, low-achieving Mackems. Stoke are not as good away from home however, so if Sunderland can pull together and give a half-decent performance they might just get their first win of the season. 1-0.
4:00 KO
Man United vs Chelsea The best 'til last yadda yadda etc etc. United, in record-breaking early season form, look strong favourites. Which is interesting because this time last year Chelsea were comfortably the best team in the country and looked nailed-on for a successive title as they were sweeping aside teams 6-0 and what not. Some similarities then. With that in mind, it will be very interesting to see how United can cope with their first big test of the season. Sure they swept aside Arsenal (to say the least) but that youthful side had about 8 pubes between them. Admittedly Chelsea haven't looked too impressive under AVB so far. They've taken 10 points from 12, but never in convincing fashion. So honestly I have no idea what will happen. I'm going to say... 1-1.
Enjoy your weekend lids. And come on Everton, deeeese are shiiiiiiiite deeeeeeeeeeese.
