The Confessions Thread

[ijjysmith]

*legs it

 

[Kurt.]

Okay, so let's all pretend I am your resident Catholic Agony Aunt, I shall be sharing my stories also. This thread is all about confessions, no matter how rude or disgraceful, all will be forgiven and advice shall be given to those in need. Please start your replies with "Forgive me Hayee, I have sinned..."

Best replies will be granted abundant positive rep!

Added a NSFW precursor as, with most threads I wade into, I can see this turning rude...

Who's brave enough to go first? - You can confess about any/everything!

Forgive me Hayee for I'm about to sin if you post rude stories about yourself xx

 

[Hayee]

WHO MERGED MY THREAD WITH A BORING ONE? MINE'S NSFW FOR A REASON

 

[Bungle]

Forgive me Hayee, I have sinned.....I once had sex with a girl in the woods and we got disturbed by someone out horse riding, I promptly pulled my trousers up and legged it and left her helpless in the middle of the woods with her knickers round her ankles.

I was young and foolish

*I'd like to add that I finished myself off in the woods before heading home

 

[Hayee]

Forgive me Hayee, I have sinned.....I once had sex with a girl in the woods and we got disturbed by someone out horse riding, I promptly pulled my trousers up and legged it and left her helpless in the middle of the woods with her knickers round her ankles.

I was young and foolish

That sounds like a lot of good fun to be honest, personally i'd have carried on to give the horse rider something to gawp at, but the younger you are the more scared you are. Forgiven

 

[Kurt.]

Bungles hidden the fact that he was actually chasing the horse...

 

[TheFinnFan]

Forgive me Hayee, I have sinned.....I once had sex with a girl in the woods and we got disturbed by someone out horse riding, I promptly pulled my trousers up and legged it and left her helpless in the middle of the woods with her knickers round her ankles.

I was young and foolish

*I'd like to add that I finished myself off in the woods before heading home

i actually lost my virginity in the bushes

 

[Kurt.]

i actually lost my virginity in the bushes

That poor squirrel was never th same again..... Put him off nuts for life !!

 

[Bungle]

Bungles hidden the fact that he was actually chasing the horse...

I definitely wasn't going back to the pig I was with

 

[TheFinnFan]

That poor squirrel was never th same again..... Put him off nuts for life !!

it was horrible...squirrel was collecting nuts for the winter. Managed to escape with my left one.

 

[Kurt.]

it was horrible...squirrel was collecting nuts for the winter. Managed to escape with my left one.

Ha ha.... You dropped a bollock there son

 

[Moomin]

Forgive me Hayee for I have sinned, years ago ( Last millennium, late 90's ) in Falaraki while on a lads holiday I had charmed a young lady from Leeds to leave the discotheque and accompany me for a stroll on the beach. As we were leaving she realised she had left her bag with her friend and she needed her money to get a taxi home as she was staying a few miles outside the main resort. I countered this by offering to pay her taxi or stay at my hotel with me, she agreed to my offer.

So we have a stroll on the beach and engage in some coitus, afterwards she wanted to walk in the water holding my hand while she thought it was some type of holiday romance. It was only after my ball sack was empty I realised she was a tit, she kicked some water on me laughing so I volleyed a load of water in her face and ran off into the night while she was stranded with no money looking like a drowned rat.

 

[Hayee]

Forgive me Hayee for I have sinned, years ago ( Last millennium, late 90's ) in Falaraki while on a lads holiday I had charmed a young lady from Leeds to leave the discotheque and accompany me for a stroll on the beach. As we were leaving she realised she had left her bag with her friend and she needed her money to get a taxi home as she was staying a few miles outside the main resort. I countered this by offering to pay her taxi or stay at my hotel with me, she agreed to my offer.

So we have a stroll on the beach and engage in some coitus, afterwards she wanted to walk in the water holding my hand while she thought it was some type of holiday romance. It was only after my ball sack was empty I realised she was a tit, she kicked some water on me laughing so I volleyed a load of water in her face and ran off into the night while she was stranded with no money looking like a drowned rat.

So it was you who left me. The greek police had to take me back to my hotel, i was partially blinded by salt water, shivvering and very very frightened. I didn't kick water at you on purpose, i have nervous twitches and that was what it was. Then, i proceeded to go to the local hospital who informed me that i'd contracted hepatitus C from you and i've been very poorly ever since.

 

[DualityNSNO]

I think Hayee should go first.

 

[Hayee]

I often blame "bath water" for the wet patches on my bed, I've invested in a new toy (waterproof massage mat with inflatable sides) to protect my bedsheets :hay: