You ready then? Course you are. Its not as if you cannot be, were Everton and were playing boss footie all over the show. Naturally we'll now get mullered twice but the anticipation is boss. Were actually having a go at teams, what can go wrong?
I was going to put off writing these dull generic preview words until Tuesday. But I can’t, I’m having boss Everton thoughts swimming through my mind like waiting for the first pair of Reebok Pump on your estate ordered off Great Universal. That postman can't come quickly enough, hopefully he will arrive before some privileged lid whose dar works on the rigs or Fords beats you to it. The smug little tit, can't wait to stamp on them if he does.
Stoke City were dispatched – and that’s entirely the right term to use – with a whiff of indignation. The white sock wearing dreamboats from Walton produced a sound footie display in an ode to boss Evertons of days gone by. We didn't have many four nils under Moyes – and more of him later – and its what its about: Everton going after the opposition with scant regard for their wellbeing. All without Mirallas, Barkley and Baines too. Rotation-tastic.
Of course Stoke were awful and that is factored in, and deep down you know we'll still miss out cruelly by one place on a European place but right at this moment you can dream a little – well before United and Arsenal do their thing.
Or maybe they won’t?
It’s on the premise of this maybe turning into a positive thing that we continue the preview. Midweek games are ace because you get extra Everton for your week but even better when you’re right in the mix and that midweek game is an away tie against Manchester United. Need some extra spice? Well it’s a Manchester United now managed by our ex manager, oh and were above them going into the fixture.
Its tight around the top and in truth despite these bold words I can't see us hanging around the top four indefinitely. Were capable of it but recent history makes me sceptical, probably as a defence mechanism. The suave brown brogue-wearing crooner does make you think anything is possible if you look into them sensual black eyes of his though. Its virtual hypnotism.
Special mention to a boss weekend though where Hull Tigers – grrrr they're GREAT – made it a weekend to sing the blues. Liverpool at this time of year, as always, are primed to drop like an unloved old satellite into an unheard of ocean. It’s the hope that truly does them in – well along with United trumping the arse out of their honours list too. We sit there sniggering like the classroom arl arse sat at the back and they hit out trying to paint us as their reserves and United supporters. Not that there’s any truth in that but it’s the Liverpool way to try and rewrite such things and history.
It’s a simple thing for us – the enemy of our enemy is our friend. Not that much however, both sets of fans are still prone to kicking seven bells out of each other so its no love in. In the past two years the whole nation has woke up to kopite mocking and its pleasures. There’s just too much material to pass up. Obviously purposely referencing them in United preview won't help the cause but hey.
The media will start pumping the fixture with some hysteria as kick off approaches because of the manager change. Its at this point where I could go off into a fume about Moyes’ behaviour and words since announcing he was jibbing us off for United way back in May but I'm struggling to and will try to explain why.
There’s no shame in the modern game in our manager wanting to manage Man Utd, we'd be kidding ourselves if we didn't acknowledge it was a step up. Its not 1984 anymore sadly, even if it might be my heart. They are on an unprecedented run of success virtually dominating the English game and seeing off all challengers – of which its only right to point out that Liverpool was never really a serious one.
So it stands to reason that after eleven years of managing Everton the opportunity arises and he jumps at it. The reception he got at Goodison on the last game of the season and the staunch support even during bad times with us should have seen a little bit more respect than blagging about when the job came up and why he didn't sign his contract however. Ok we can pass on that, its politics and swerves any FA tapping up investigations. The comments about if was manager he wouldn't stand in the way of Baines joining United does rankle somewhat though. I mean come on, you should know us better after eleven years with us than to say something like that. Never mind derisory bids for our players when you know how skint we are.
Maybe we expected better but you're not our manager anymore so I can’t get myself into a rage over anything that you do or say. I'm just not really arsed. Like seeing your ex bird’s new sted head coked up boyfriend. Wish them well but don't be surprised when it ends in tears.
I was going to be an analogy of our new lover being a Spanish seductress but that’s even a bridge too far for me. Its time to move on, eighteen years without a trophy is far too long for Evertenfubbelklub so hopefully the new man will have more luck/not fill his pants in important games. Me-ow!
Its understandable that United will be going through a period of transition then, after all how do you replace the most successful manager in the history of British football? So with that in mind its not a bad time to be playing them at all. They show some glimpses of the United of old at times during the season but when you look at Giggs’ hair colour you see that its not like they once were. But they have lots of money so they could feasibly put it right, we'll see.
For the here and the now they have the same threat up front with Van Persie being one of the greatest strikers to play in this league for many a year. He’s scored some boss goals against us so were more than welcome of his threat as were very aware of what Wayne Rooney can do too. If Jagielka or Distin sneeze in this game then there’s a chance we'll be punished which Stoke just aren't liable to achieve.
Midfield has been their Achilles heel this year and more pertinent for us because they offloaded over twenty seven of their millions to purchase one Marouane Fellaini from us in the summer. He’s looked like Fellaini did when he first joined us but with the goldfish bowl nature of United he’s getting plenty of stick for it. Of course if you're paying 27m then you'd be wanting the finished product but that fee was generous to us (and Good Lord I hope we put it to good use) but I think that’s linked to us overpaying for him in the first place and of course United’s increasing desperation in a poor transfer window for them.
He’s a very good player and one who is capable of destroying the opposition on his day so hopefully for Fellaini he’ll show some of that but obviously not in this game with some luck. The important word in that previous sentence was ‘capable’ because those days didn't come round enough. For a man of his talents and frame he should be doing it most games but for whatever reason he doesn’t. Maybe he’s just going through a phase of bad form – but his card is already marked by too many. Thanks for the good times though Fellaini, I just prefer ginger to curly hair these days.
Cleverley, Giggs or Anderson will be in the middle with him for this game probably as Phil Jones is suspended – that suspension is a big loss by the way. Jones is very much a Moyes player and has been playing well lately, a good holding midfield player who would compete effectively against our midfield. Anyway, it goes without saying, we can get at them in this part of the pitch as we have a very solid midfield capable playing some ace footie too. Nani and Juanzi or Valencia will provide pace on the wings and hope to exploit the attacking nature of our own full backs. This is where the magic could happen.
Defence will be Evans and Vidic who will be keen to match the physicality of Lukaku. The absence of Jones as mentioned should give Barkley some space to operate between the two lines though which needs to be exploited. Evra is a fine full back – unless United are offering 20m for Baines in which case he’s crap and defo needs replaced sharpish. Rafael will be on the right. De Gea, who looks like he should be driving to Old Trafford in the Mystery Machine and have a talking brown dog following him around – is ace and will play in goal.
And that’s your United. Still very capable and with some fine players but not quite as daunting eh?
So what you going to do about it Everton? Well we have one of the inform strikers in the league in Lukaku who seems to relish the big games too so hopefully he’ll be right up for this despite two relatively quiet games against the kopites and Stoke – although saying that he still netted three goals.
As I said just a wee bit before Barkley may get some change here and I think his resting on Saturday almost guarantees he’ll start this.
I got the five man defence prediction very wrong In the last game so Im going to pass it over again despite us trying it out for the last fifteen minutes against Stoke. We need McCarthy and Barry to really compete in that midfield if were to win this. Pienaar who was truly excellent last game out will provide width and I think that Mirallas will get the nod over Deulofeu for this game despite the Spanish lid looking very good indeed.
Jagielka and Distin will play at the back along with Coleman who gets into the opposition’s box as much as any Everton fullback Ive ever seen. At left back it was heartening to see 80’s haircut heartthrob Bryan Oviedo put in a real performance on the weekend, it will be similarly interesting to see how he handles this game as his defensive side will be tested a lot more. Boss goal though. Powered by a swarm of angry pubes around his chin area our keeper (one can only presume the Queen Bee is stashing under his tongue) will be Tim Howard returning to his old stomping ground, well somewhere he played for a season or two before being binned off, and credit to him he’s playing as well as he ever has done for us at the moment. Cue a speculative forty yard shot beating him rooted to his line now like.
And there’s your words. Too many of them but its difficult not to when Everton make you feel this way. It’s a very tough game but if you have aspirations of one of them top places you have delivered on the big stage and none come much bigger than this.
Reassuringly we have less to fear this time too. Its no time for meek right now we know we're in for a battle. Lets call it a gun battle. Time to put that knife down Everton and pick up the Uzi. Show them that we mean business.
Allez allez allez oh.
I was going to put off writing these dull generic preview words until Tuesday. But I can’t, I’m having boss Everton thoughts swimming through my mind like waiting for the first pair of Reebok Pump on your estate ordered off Great Universal. That postman can't come quickly enough, hopefully he will arrive before some privileged lid whose dar works on the rigs or Fords beats you to it. The smug little tit, can't wait to stamp on them if he does.
Stoke City were dispatched – and that’s entirely the right term to use – with a whiff of indignation. The white sock wearing dreamboats from Walton produced a sound footie display in an ode to boss Evertons of days gone by. We didn't have many four nils under Moyes – and more of him later – and its what its about: Everton going after the opposition with scant regard for their wellbeing. All without Mirallas, Barkley and Baines too. Rotation-tastic.
Of course Stoke were awful and that is factored in, and deep down you know we'll still miss out cruelly by one place on a European place but right at this moment you can dream a little – well before United and Arsenal do their thing.
Or maybe they won’t?
It’s on the premise of this maybe turning into a positive thing that we continue the preview. Midweek games are ace because you get extra Everton for your week but even better when you’re right in the mix and that midweek game is an away tie against Manchester United. Need some extra spice? Well it’s a Manchester United now managed by our ex manager, oh and were above them going into the fixture.
Its tight around the top and in truth despite these bold words I can't see us hanging around the top four indefinitely. Were capable of it but recent history makes me sceptical, probably as a defence mechanism. The suave brown brogue-wearing crooner does make you think anything is possible if you look into them sensual black eyes of his though. Its virtual hypnotism.
Special mention to a boss weekend though where Hull Tigers – grrrr they're GREAT – made it a weekend to sing the blues. Liverpool at this time of year, as always, are primed to drop like an unloved old satellite into an unheard of ocean. It’s the hope that truly does them in – well along with United trumping the arse out of their honours list too. We sit there sniggering like the classroom arl arse sat at the back and they hit out trying to paint us as their reserves and United supporters. Not that there’s any truth in that but it’s the Liverpool way to try and rewrite such things and history.
It’s a simple thing for us – the enemy of our enemy is our friend. Not that much however, both sets of fans are still prone to kicking seven bells out of each other so its no love in. In the past two years the whole nation has woke up to kopite mocking and its pleasures. There’s just too much material to pass up. Obviously purposely referencing them in United preview won't help the cause but hey.
The media will start pumping the fixture with some hysteria as kick off approaches because of the manager change. Its at this point where I could go off into a fume about Moyes’ behaviour and words since announcing he was jibbing us off for United way back in May but I'm struggling to and will try to explain why.
There’s no shame in the modern game in our manager wanting to manage Man Utd, we'd be kidding ourselves if we didn't acknowledge it was a step up. Its not 1984 anymore sadly, even if it might be my heart. They are on an unprecedented run of success virtually dominating the English game and seeing off all challengers – of which its only right to point out that Liverpool was never really a serious one.
So it stands to reason that after eleven years of managing Everton the opportunity arises and he jumps at it. The reception he got at Goodison on the last game of the season and the staunch support even during bad times with us should have seen a little bit more respect than blagging about when the job came up and why he didn't sign his contract however. Ok we can pass on that, its politics and swerves any FA tapping up investigations. The comments about if was manager he wouldn't stand in the way of Baines joining United does rankle somewhat though. I mean come on, you should know us better after eleven years with us than to say something like that. Never mind derisory bids for our players when you know how skint we are.
Maybe we expected better but you're not our manager anymore so I can’t get myself into a rage over anything that you do or say. I'm just not really arsed. Like seeing your ex bird’s new sted head coked up boyfriend. Wish them well but don't be surprised when it ends in tears.
I was going to be an analogy of our new lover being a Spanish seductress but that’s even a bridge too far for me. Its time to move on, eighteen years without a trophy is far too long for Evertenfubbelklub so hopefully the new man will have more luck/not fill his pants in important games. Me-ow!
Its understandable that United will be going through a period of transition then, after all how do you replace the most successful manager in the history of British football? So with that in mind its not a bad time to be playing them at all. They show some glimpses of the United of old at times during the season but when you look at Giggs’ hair colour you see that its not like they once were. But they have lots of money so they could feasibly put it right, we'll see.
For the here and the now they have the same threat up front with Van Persie being one of the greatest strikers to play in this league for many a year. He’s scored some boss goals against us so were more than welcome of his threat as were very aware of what Wayne Rooney can do too. If Jagielka or Distin sneeze in this game then there’s a chance we'll be punished which Stoke just aren't liable to achieve.
Midfield has been their Achilles heel this year and more pertinent for us because they offloaded over twenty seven of their millions to purchase one Marouane Fellaini from us in the summer. He’s looked like Fellaini did when he first joined us but with the goldfish bowl nature of United he’s getting plenty of stick for it. Of course if you're paying 27m then you'd be wanting the finished product but that fee was generous to us (and Good Lord I hope we put it to good use) but I think that’s linked to us overpaying for him in the first place and of course United’s increasing desperation in a poor transfer window for them.
He’s a very good player and one who is capable of destroying the opposition on his day so hopefully for Fellaini he’ll show some of that but obviously not in this game with some luck. The important word in that previous sentence was ‘capable’ because those days didn't come round enough. For a man of his talents and frame he should be doing it most games but for whatever reason he doesn’t. Maybe he’s just going through a phase of bad form – but his card is already marked by too many. Thanks for the good times though Fellaini, I just prefer ginger to curly hair these days.
Cleverley, Giggs or Anderson will be in the middle with him for this game probably as Phil Jones is suspended – that suspension is a big loss by the way. Jones is very much a Moyes player and has been playing well lately, a good holding midfield player who would compete effectively against our midfield. Anyway, it goes without saying, we can get at them in this part of the pitch as we have a very solid midfield capable playing some ace footie too. Nani and Juanzi or Valencia will provide pace on the wings and hope to exploit the attacking nature of our own full backs. This is where the magic could happen.
Defence will be Evans and Vidic who will be keen to match the physicality of Lukaku. The absence of Jones as mentioned should give Barkley some space to operate between the two lines though which needs to be exploited. Evra is a fine full back – unless United are offering 20m for Baines in which case he’s crap and defo needs replaced sharpish. Rafael will be on the right. De Gea, who looks like he should be driving to Old Trafford in the Mystery Machine and have a talking brown dog following him around – is ace and will play in goal.
And that’s your United. Still very capable and with some fine players but not quite as daunting eh?
So what you going to do about it Everton? Well we have one of the inform strikers in the league in Lukaku who seems to relish the big games too so hopefully he’ll be right up for this despite two relatively quiet games against the kopites and Stoke – although saying that he still netted three goals.
As I said just a wee bit before Barkley may get some change here and I think his resting on Saturday almost guarantees he’ll start this.
I got the five man defence prediction very wrong In the last game so Im going to pass it over again despite us trying it out for the last fifteen minutes against Stoke. We need McCarthy and Barry to really compete in that midfield if were to win this. Pienaar who was truly excellent last game out will provide width and I think that Mirallas will get the nod over Deulofeu for this game despite the Spanish lid looking very good indeed.
Jagielka and Distin will play at the back along with Coleman who gets into the opposition’s box as much as any Everton fullback Ive ever seen. At left back it was heartening to see 80’s haircut heartthrob Bryan Oviedo put in a real performance on the weekend, it will be similarly interesting to see how he handles this game as his defensive side will be tested a lot more. Boss goal though. Powered by a swarm of angry pubes around his chin area our keeper (one can only presume the Queen Bee is stashing under his tongue) will be Tim Howard returning to his old stomping ground, well somewhere he played for a season or two before being binned off, and credit to him he’s playing as well as he ever has done for us at the moment. Cue a speculative forty yard shot beating him rooted to his line now like.
And there’s your words. Too many of them but its difficult not to when Everton make you feel this way. It’s a very tough game but if you have aspirations of one of them top places you have delivered on the big stage and none come much bigger than this.
Reassuringly we have less to fear this time too. Its no time for meek right now we know we're in for a battle. Lets call it a gun battle. Time to put that knife down Everton and pick up the Uzi. Show them that we mean business.
Allez allez allez oh.
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