Insults

[summerisle]

Some of Shakespeare's finest, I particularly like, 'His wit's as thick as a Tewkesbury mustard'. Post your worst.

 

[Tipp blue]

I was in Stratford last Easter and went to the Shakespeare shop and bought a Shakespeare insults book my personal favorite was... "A pox o’ your throat, you bawling, blasphemous, incharitable dog"

 

[canuckblue]

"There's many a man hath more hair than wit."
-- Comedy Of Errors, Act II, Scene II

Got given a T-shirt for a long-ago birthday with that on the front. Still have the shirt, still don't have the hair.

 

[degsy]

You can kiss my arse, he said.
If its anything like your face I wouldn't even kick it

 

[dow1978]

I was at a music festival and some Scottish fella behind where we were stood was moaning constantly about people dancing near him. A big angry ginger fella he was and his missus was easily the most fed up girl you've ever seen at a festival. Anyway one of the girls we were with got a bit to close to his beers on the floor (she was smashed to be fair) and he did this big dramatic step forward and put his hand out flat as if to say "Halt!" and she just went "alright Macbeth put your top on your giving the pigeons something to aim for" Everyone within ear-shot spat their drink out. I clocked his missus about 30 seconds later and she was looking away hiding her laughter. Should have seen his face.

 

[Bungle]

I was at a music festival and some Scottish fella behind where we were stood was moaning constantly about people dancing near him. A big angry ginger fella he was and his missus was easily the most fed up girl you've ever seen at a festival. Anyway one of the girls we were with got a bit to close to his beers on the floor (she was smashed to be fair) and he did this big dramatic step forward and put his hand out flat as if to say "Halt!" and she just went "alright Macbeth put your top on your giving the pigeons something to aim for" Everyone within ear-shot spat their drink out. I cooked his missus about 30 seconds later and she was looking away hiding her laughter. Should have seen his face.

Should be in the BBQ thread

 

[dow1978]

Should be in the BBQ thread

Hahaha.

 

[Blue 1]

When I was at school, I had a teacher who was a Scouse kopite and possibly the most acerbic and left-wing man I've met. Funny bloke if you were on the right side of him, and due to football banter I was, although the bellend did give me a detention once after we beat them quite badly in a derby and I gave him a bit much gip for it.

Anyhoo, a bunch kids at my school used to say " Nottingham Forest" as a euphemism for "National Front", and one day he grabbed the ringleader by the collar, in a crowded corridor and told him "mention Nottingham Forest in front of me again, and you're dead", which was kind of cool.

One time, my mate Paul handed in extremely substandard homework which came back to him with the comment "Paul, this is nowhere near your usual standard, and I strongly suspect that you rattled it off in 10 minutes on the bus to school this morning. Please rewrite this essay, and until then, a pox on your efforts and may your children be accursed to the Nth generation". Which, for some reason, has always stuck with me for 30 years and gets rolled out whenever possible. Absolutely sweet insult, all the funnier because it came from a teacher.

 

[McBain]

@summerisle You got a head like a bucket of smashed pies.

 

[summerisle]

@summerisle You got a head like a bucket of smashed pies.

 

[john jako]

Ya Ma’s ya Da with a wig on

 

[Shevin Keedy]

Your ma has got flaps like docker's pockets.

 

[magicjuan]

Your Ma does buckets with Marlsboro lights outside the George on a quiz night

 

[Shevin Keedy]

Your ma's knickers have got more crusts than Holland's pies.

 

[JammyP]