Infidelity

[Tramps_mate]

I'm plenty old mate and probably past you. I'm mid/late 30s depending who's asking and how I look in the mirror that day. I'm a world away from going out chasing tail every single night.

I have two beautiful daughters and they're my world. In the same context I want to inspire them to follow their dreams and never give up. Better to die trying as the saying goes.

Apologies. From your post it sounded like your out on the lash every night still chasing skirt...

 

[malfosse]

I can't get the women, who I've been with for over 30 years, to get to have sex with me.

 

[Eggs]

..not sure about the stats, especially the bit about more chance the older you get. As far as I'm concerned I'd have too much to lose. Not just letting down a missus who accepts that I don't do supermarkets, don't do DIY, spend every Saturday on the ale with my pals and take weekends away on racing trips. But also losing the respect of the kids.

Couldn't handle the deceit and lies. Not worth it in my life.

 

[The Esk]

Part of me thinks we need to re-evaluate what "working out" means. The shelf-life of relationships is getting smaller and smaller because the scope is there now for anyone to pursue anything they want at any given time in their lives. There's a priority placed on individual fulfillment these days which doesn't always go hand-in-hand with a "regular" family setup, and I personally think this contributes to a quicker erosion of loving bonds. But a 20 year relationship has to be considered a success. I always wonder if staying in a loving relationship with someone for most of your entire life was always an unrealistic expectation.

I think what you say is very interesting re time horizons and opportunities available to all.

What hasn't changed though is when children come along and the requirement and obligation this puts on a relationship. The child's requirements for ideally a two parent, traditional Mother and Father support mechanism still exists, and whilst obviously children all over the world grow up with parents whose relationships have failed, almost all the evidence suggests this is still the best set up for a child to prosper in.

For me, a long term relationship is about giving, you give what you can to the person you love. If they love you in return, then you receive back what they are capable of offering you. If that scenario exists, why would you want to change it?

 

[chicoazul]

Part of me thinks we need to re-evaluate what "working out" means. The shelf-life of relationships is getting smaller and smaller because the scope is there now for anyone to pursue anything they want at any given time in their lives. There's a priority placed on individual fulfillment these days which doesn't always go hand-in-hand with a "regular" family setup, and I personally think this contributes to a quicker erosion of loving bonds. But a 20 year relationship has to be considered a success. I always wonder if staying in a loving relationship with someone for most of your entire life was always an unrealistic expectation.

You raise a good point. Things are more accessible these days with the emphasis placed on INSTANT SATISFACTION GUARANTEED. Are people happier though? I'm not so sure.

It places undue pressure on people to seek experiences which may not benefit them long term.

The union of two people together has many spin offs other than earth moving sex, such as companionship, accumulated wealth, larger social circles, security and in the case of a man and a woman; a stable family environment for offspring.

Yet the reason why most change companion is for sexual reasons. OK its mostly been that way through times and lust is a powerful chemical but modern society is helping the erosion of this at a fast pace.

It as often doesn't work out in a happy ending as much as it does.

Yeah me dar left me mar and we grew up skint OK? Just leave it lads.

self harms*

 

[Prevenger17]

I think what you say is very interesting re time horizons and opportunities available to all.

What hasn't changed though is when children come along and the requirement and obligation this puts on a relationship. The child's requirements for ideally a two parent, traditional Mother and Father support mechanism still exists, and whilst obviously children all over the world grow up with parents whose relationships have failed, almost all the evidence suggests this is still the best set up for a child to prosper in.

For me, a long term relationship is about giving, you give what you can to the person you love, if they love you, then you receive back what they are capable of offering you. If that scenario exists, why would you want to change it?

Aye, children are a responsibility for two parents to bear. I think the strain that having children exerts in their formative years is probably the most testing time for a young couple. I'm childless myself, but even seeing the impact it has had on friends and family leads me to believe that the sheer exhaustion, and consumption of personal time, that comes with bringing a baby into the world can't be overestimated. Some younger couples are woefully unprepared for the effort it takes to raise a child these days. I wholeheartedly agree that two parents is the ideal environment for a growing child, though.

Your point on long-term relationships is right, but only so long as that exchange exists. People change, probably more extremely and unpredictably than ever, and the parameters for their love change with them. I'm with my girlfriend just over 3 years now, and I can honestly say I love her just as much as I ever have. We agree on the important things (neither of us want children, which is often the proverbial spanner later on) but I can't possibly account for the people we might be in ten years time. I suppose that may seem defeatist.

I think my point is that I don't believe love works independently of outside factors and that people's unrealistic expectations of it (gleaned from films and pop culture?) do far more harm than good. Longevity is too easily celebrated, while the quality of love is largely ignored.

 

[Dell Boy]

You raise a good point. Things are more accessible these days with the emphasis placed on INSTANT SATISFACTION GUARANTEED. Are people happier though? I'm not so sure.

It places undue pressure on people to seek experiences which may not benefit them long term.

The union of two people together has many spin offs other than earth moving sex, such as companionship, accumulated wealth, larger social circles, security and in the case of a man and a woman; a stable family environment for offspring.

Yet the reason why most change companion is for sexual reasons. OK its mostly been that way through times and lust is a powerful chemical but modern society is helping the erosion of this at a fast pace.

It as often doesn't work out in a happy ending as much as it does.

Yeah me dar left me mar and we grew up skint OK? Just leave it lads.

self harms*

That's deep Bro.

Pity it's just a small part of your grand plan to recruit a gang of internet followers and one day make for the hills....

 

[royalblue66]

Woman I know has 4 kids by 4 different guys, she is known locally as 4x4 .

 

[The Esk]

That's deep Bro.

Pity it's just a small part of your grand plan to recruit a gang of internet followers and one day make for the hills....

That's very true and should not be forgotten. Just think of all the fresh material garnered from this thread and entered into the database he holds on each of us....

 

[canuckblue]

Chico and Goat flirt with each other all day...they probably haven't made out, though.

Chico's having trouble getting his head around the idea.

 

[degsy]

Back in the day I worked on the principle of;

when I don't face the face I fancy, I fancy the face I face.

 

[canuckblue]

Back in the day I worked on the principle of;

when I don't face the face I fancy, I fancy the face I face.

Or, to say it another way, if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.

 

[Dell Boy]

True story this.

A woman I knew had twins, but gave them up for adoption after her boyfriend cheated on her. One of them went to a family in Egypt and is now named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, and they named him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to my friend the mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells me that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. It hurt but I had to just tell her, "Relax matey. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal"

 

[Fuleco]

True story this.

A woman I knew had twins, but gave them up for adoption after her boyfriend cheated on her. One of them went to a family in Egypt and is now named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, and they named him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to my friend the mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells me that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. It hurt but I had to just tell her, "Relax matey. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal"

Why did she give them up?

Do the kids know they are twins?

 

[RAFUH]

Aye, children are a responsibility for two parents to bear. I think the strain that having children exerts in their formative years is probably the most testing time for a young couple. I'm childless myself, but even seeing the impact it has had on friends and family leads me to believe that the sheer exhaustion, and consumption of personal time, that comes with bringing a baby into the world can't be overestimated. Some younger couples are woefully unprepared for the effort it takes to raise a child these days. I wholeheartedly agree that two parents is the ideal environment for a growing child, though.

Your point on long-term relationships is right, but only so long as that exchange exists. People change, probably more extremely and unpredictably than ever, and the parameters for their love change with them. I'm with my girlfriend just over 3 years now, and I can honestly say I love her just as much as I ever have. We agree on the important things (neither of us want children, which is often the proverbial spanner later on) but I can't possibly account for the people we might be in ten years time. I suppose that may seem defeatist.

I think my point is that I don't believe love works independently of outside factors and that people's unrealistic expectations of it (gleaned from films and pop culture?) do far more harm than good. Longevity is too easily celebrated, while the quality of love is largely ignored.

Getting off track of infidelity a bit, but....
Agree with both you and @the esk on importance of two parents but with a caveat. I don't think it needs to be so "traditional" to benefit the kids if the two parties have a good healthy relationship - married, shacked up, divorced or otherwise.
Kids learn about relationships - how they should treat significant others and be treated - by what they see and experience.