Do one Reaper lad
- Thread starter Kneeg
- Start date
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bluebottle
Player Valuation: £35m
It's the internet. People are disproportionatally mean. I'd feel bad about it if it was real life and i said this to you with your neck brace on.
Brennan;1779608[B said:
Doorman posh lad...!!
J
Julian Carax
Guest
Is this the same incident? Your descriptive writing has come on leaps and bounds! (I jest, glad your okay).
I once sha**ed a girl from Sheffield who I met on the Internet, she looked like that bird from the film Misery, she almost sucked my bellend clean off and I'm pretty sure she'd have just left me to bleed to death.
bluebottle
Player Valuation: £35m
Sweet jesus bungales. I imagine it felt like she sledge-hammered pelvis rather than your ankles though.
It was horrific mate, I was caught in two minds, on one side I'm getting a blowjob, on the other, it may be the last one I ever received and it hurt. I think a sledge hammer would have been less painful and better looking.
Raymondo077
Player Valuation: £10m
When i was around 10 or so i was grabbed out a post office que during a robbery.
Bastards were masked with a knife to my throath. i swear those two minutes of terror aged me by 20 years FFS!!!
*DA BASTARDS*
Bastards were masked with a knife to my throath. i swear those two minutes of terror aged me by 20 years FFS!!!
*DA BASTARDS*
BigDunc'sFod
Player Valuation: £35m
When I was a baby (literally), I was crying a lot. Like, a LOT. My Dad was at the time working and going to college and it was stressing him out so he picked me up and smashed my head against the wall.
Just kidding. I was just crying bad for a couple of days. He was concerned that I was crying a lot though and was asking my mum how much I cried during the day. Needless to say she was stressed out to the max because nothing she could do would stop my bawling. Anyway, they took me to a doc who said "he's just got a cold" and gave them some stuff. Continued crying for the rest of the night and my Dad was like "frig this, no way this is a cold laaa" and took me back to the doctor. Doctor was like "listen lad, he's got a cold FFS". Dad was having none of it and took me to Whiston hossie - where they found out i had meningitis. Decent.
Also a few years ago now I was in Southport beach with my brother and a few mates (and wimmins). Went out into the water, thought "this is sound this" and then all of a sudden turned around and I was about 100m out. Riptide was pulling me out faster than I could swim back. I could see everyone on the beach and started SCREAMING trying to get their attention but I tihnk because sound doesn't carry well over water they couldn't hear me. I just remember thinking of shows like 999 and that I would be whipped out to sea. When the adrenaline started wearing off and my arms were dog tired I started to get upset thinking this is it. So I just decided to succumb and just kind of floated there. Then somehow the tide brought me back in about half a mile up the beach. I walked back (legs like a jellyfish) and everyone thought I'd been chatting up some biznitches further down and nobody believed me. Bar stewards.
Just kidding. I was just crying bad for a couple of days. He was concerned that I was crying a lot though and was asking my mum how much I cried during the day. Needless to say she was stressed out to the max because nothing she could do would stop my bawling. Anyway, they took me to a doc who said "he's just got a cold" and gave them some stuff. Continued crying for the rest of the night and my Dad was like "frig this, no way this is a cold laaa" and took me back to the doctor. Doctor was like "listen lad, he's got a cold FFS". Dad was having none of it and took me to Whiston hossie - where they found out i had meningitis. Decent.
Also a few years ago now I was in Southport beach with my brother and a few mates (and wimmins). Went out into the water, thought "this is sound this" and then all of a sudden turned around and I was about 100m out. Riptide was pulling me out faster than I could swim back. I could see everyone on the beach and started SCREAMING trying to get their attention but I tihnk because sound doesn't carry well over water they couldn't hear me. I just remember thinking of shows like 999 and that I would be whipped out to sea. When the adrenaline started wearing off and my arms were dog tired I started to get upset thinking this is it. So I just decided to succumb and just kind of floated there. Then somehow the tide brought me back in about half a mile up the beach. I walked back (legs like a jellyfish) and everyone thought I'd been chatting up some biznitches further down and nobody believed me. Bar stewards.
I've nearly died a few times - I'm like a cat me - 9 lives n'all that.
Drowning - at the Oval in Bebington, when I was around 8yrs old or something, my sister jumped on top of my head while I was treading water. Took the hit, sunk to the bottom of the pool, lifeguard jumps in to save me. Don't remember much about that one.
Second time, on holiday in the Seychelles - sister and I took out some canoes, she tipped me off mine about 6ft deep, I waited, then tipped her off hers a good few yards out into the sea. She got the hump and swam back to shore, leaving me with 2 canoes, 2 paddles etc... I was holding onto both of them but struggling. Time has dragged on for like 30mins or so, I'm getting tired, still holding onto both canoes. Next thing is JetSki comes out to rescue me. Parents had seen my sister walking along the beach and asked where I was, when she told them, they alerted the guard people and they came out to help me.
Got pinned under a wave at Bournemouth (no less), was body boarding and got what they call the "Washing Machine", got turned over in a wave, didn't know which way was up, under for what seemed an eternity, finally came up gasping for breath and another wave hits me right on the head/chest, knocking all wind out of me and pushing me back under. God knows to this day how I survived!
Choking - couple of these - first at 5yrs old, was left in the car on the Wiend in Bebington, parents went into a shop. I decided to eat a plastic carrier bag. Not the smartest move. Sister runs into the shop as I'm turning blue in the car. Dad comes out, Mum's screaming. Fingers down my throat, plastic removed.
Second - Roast beef - just put a huge lump of the stuff in my mouth, Dad turns me upside down as I'm choking and the piece just jumps out of my mouth! Bizarre!
Third lot was self inflicted - so best to swerve that one...
Drowning - at the Oval in Bebington, when I was around 8yrs old or something, my sister jumped on top of my head while I was treading water. Took the hit, sunk to the bottom of the pool, lifeguard jumps in to save me. Don't remember much about that one.
Second time, on holiday in the Seychelles - sister and I took out some canoes, she tipped me off mine about 6ft deep, I waited, then tipped her off hers a good few yards out into the sea. She got the hump and swam back to shore, leaving me with 2 canoes, 2 paddles etc... I was holding onto both of them but struggling. Time has dragged on for like 30mins or so, I'm getting tired, still holding onto both canoes. Next thing is JetSki comes out to rescue me. Parents had seen my sister walking along the beach and asked where I was, when she told them, they alerted the guard people and they came out to help me.
Got pinned under a wave at Bournemouth (no less), was body boarding and got what they call the "Washing Machine", got turned over in a wave, didn't know which way was up, under for what seemed an eternity, finally came up gasping for breath and another wave hits me right on the head/chest, knocking all wind out of me and pushing me back under. God knows to this day how I survived!
Choking - couple of these - first at 5yrs old, was left in the car on the Wiend in Bebington, parents went into a shop. I decided to eat a plastic carrier bag. Not the smartest move. Sister runs into the shop as I'm turning blue in the car. Dad comes out, Mum's screaming. Fingers down my throat, plastic removed.
Second - Roast beef - just put a huge lump of the stuff in my mouth, Dad turns me upside down as I'm choking and the piece just jumps out of my mouth! Bizarre!
Third lot was self inflicted - so best to swerve that one...
......my mates saw me going into a supermarket. Its not what we lads do & I nearly died with embarrasment.
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