Cheer up a toffee

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Here are 12 of the finest double-entendres aired on TV & Radio

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator -
'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator -
'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Ted Walsh, Horse Racing Commentator -
'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 -
'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator -
'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out
his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could
get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside
you on a cold night like this.'

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every
chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK
eclipse coverage remarked: They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:
'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'
Favourite cricket one was always
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"
 

Sorry to hear mate, hope you're better soon. By the way, Ulster Hospital? Not too far away from where I live mate :)

Hope this makes you feel a little better.

 

Ta lids. Esp Ste d' indica. Chortling away here. Waiting on ultrasound now, been told that if my levels are sound should be out tomorrow or Sun. Had a ticket for Hull tomorrow, but hey , brown stiff happens.
STOP PRESS. dr just came in and asked if if be willing to undergo an examination by students Re pulmonary embolism. What better way to spend a Fri afternoon being groped by young students. He did say they were female, I think/hopej

Glad to be of service mate, get yerself on the mend.
 
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