Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[PhilM]

I found out this morning I missed my A level grades I need for my firm university choice by a couple of marks so I am a little bit on the upset and stressed side (one more Beto 0.99XG miss or Jack Harrison transfer link would send me over the edge). I am in the process of calling my school and Universities for help and to bargain and I must say the system is broken (although I wouldn’t be saying that if I got my grades). I feel there’s something cruel in making teenagers stressed out to the max ring up a university and bargain for their future.

I’m trying to get remarks but I still fear it won’t be enough.

I’m disappointed in myself because I tried my absolute hardest and still pulled up short. I feel like I’ve let my parents down and those who care for me. However, at the same time I keep telling myself I should still be proud of myself for trying my hardest but I still just can’t really process that.

Sorry if this isn’t the most well constructed piece of writing you’ve seen but I just wanted a place to come and dump everything off my shoulders.

Best wishes guys

Mate, you can only do your best in life and if you have done that, then your parents and everyone else will be proud of you.

Without wanting to sound patronising, you're only young and you have a lot ahead of you in life, so please don't be too disheartened by these results.

And genuinely, whilst grades help get into university etc., as you get older they mean less and less because what really matters in life is your character.

Success in life comes from a mixture of hard work, maturity, relationships, a bit of ingenuity and grit, and from your post it feels you'll possess these.

I have many friends who either didn't do A-Levels or pretty much flunked them, and they're still successful in life because they had all the above.

In my profession, we seriously don't even look at grades when choosing people for certain roles or promotion; it comes down to what they can do.

Celebrate what you have achieved, enjoy the rest of your summer and then do what is best for you.

 

[PhilM]

Because I've known her for around 15 years at least, socially as well, and I don't like the thought of a person I know pretty well get beaten up by a guy who is well over 6ft?

With all due respect for this thread, I don't agree with you take here

Have you ever considered reporting him to Crimestoppers or the police? Apologies if I've joined late and this has already been considered and/or done.

 

[coollino]

Have you ever considered reporting him to Crimestoppers or the police? Apologies if I've joined late and this has already been considered and/or done.

I think my employer are looking at legal avenues with her, and speaking to charities etc

 

[PhilM]

I think my employer are looking at legal avenues with her, and speaking to charities etc

I'm saying more because of Clare's Law, where the police are able to disclose information about a person if there is a risk of domestic abuse.

This could be something to consider now, to request information about him, and in the future to protect other women from him.

 

[spectateur]

Anyone ever encountered or overcome Retroactive Jealousy?

It's a horrible form of OCD where you know thoughts are completely pointless and irrational but are powerless to stop them.

It's particularly a problem when thoughts are directed about the previous life of your partner and obsession with her ex.
It's a long time since the topic was raised on this forum, I wonder if anyone on here is currently struggling with it.

 

[Billy Dean]

Has anyone had a break in a relationship and its worked out?

In that boat atm. It's not been great on the ol mental health.

I'm far from a relationship expert, but whatever you decide, whilst this break is still going on, try to treat yourself well. Go out and do stuff you enjoy rather than sitting around worrying and stewing about it. Go and spend time with people you enjoy etc. Pursue any hobbies or goals you might have. If you've agreed not to be exclusive during the break, go out and meet new people and enjoy yourself.

 

[wgtwiddle]

Anyone ever encountered or overcome Retroactive Jealousy?

It's a horrible form of OCD where you know thoughts are completely pointless and irrational but are powerless to stop them.

Never heard of it.

However, this may be useful...

Why Your Thoughts Are Not Real

We are all in our own separate theaters, witnessing entirely different shows, and yet we behave as it we are in the same audience, watching the very same event we call life.

www.psychologytoday.com

 

[Bryan+]

Yes. In this case RJ is a result of my own insecurities. Doesn't help when your new Mrs is a stonewall 10/10 like!!

Struggling to understand this, you mean you're still insecure despite your missus being beautiful? If that's what you mean then you answered the question in the first part, you need genuine therapy, paid and significant long term support overcome it, or it will eventually harm you both. Good luck pal. You deserve happiness and so does she, remember looks are skin deep - and she likely can sense them before you do.

 

[Bryan+]

I've written whats happened to me over the last 5 years in a Notion. I would like to commit to publishing this in some sort of self published book, i don't want to be rich and famous. I do want to just share how hard life can get for people sometimes though, any ideas where i can start? i literally have no idea, writing it down took 3 months and left me absolutely empty.

 

[Rita_Poon]

I've written whats happened to me over the last 5 years in a Notion. I would like to commit to publishing this in some sort of self published book, i don't want to be rich and famous. I do want to just share how hard life can get for people sometimes though, any ideas where i can start? i literally have no idea, writing it down took 3 months and left me absolutely empty.

View attachment 323198

I'm sorry Bryan+, I'm sure you mean well and there's a line of thought in this, but it's to subtle for me to guess at. I reckon it's an ode to a lost love, and the pit of despair it's left you or someone in, but it's vague.

If you are feeling the brunt of a breakup, then my heart goes out to you because the bleakness that loss can impose can feel unsurmountable.

I want to say time helps to heal, but that'd be a lie. Some grief just continues to hurt, facing it with therapy or locking it away, there is no fix or easy path through. Sorry again.

 

[Syrup]

Thought I’d come on and post an update following my A level results 2 weeks ago that didn’t go my way.

I remarked my Chemistry and Physics (the 2 that were below what I needed for my firm university choice, needed A in both) and Physics fortunately went up to an A but Chemistry stayed at a B (went from 4 below to 1 below an A). I contacted my firm choice to ask if they could still take me but unfortunately that was to no avail. They advised I take a gap year and resit Chemistry and reapply to them.

I’d thought this was the most likely outcome since results day and so I’ve done some thinking about what to do next. Whilst I had a place at my insurance, I’ve decided to turn them down and take a gap year and resit my Chemistry. Fortunately, one of my mates is in a similar situation to me so we’re planning on going travelling together before our respective resists over the next 7-8 months (not all 7-8 months will be abroad of course). It seems we will likely be off to South America first to volunteer on a big cat wildlife reserve!

Whilst this is definitely very tough to take, especially being 1 mark off my offer, I feel this is the best course of action for me to get what I feel I want and deserve given I did put a huge amount of time and work and grit into these exams - even if it wasn’t enough this time round.

No doubt the ride won’t be all fun and games and there will undoubtedly be times when I struggle and beat myself up about a silly mistake here or there in my exams when I’m laying in bed, thinking “what if”. However, I unequivocally believe I’ll push through and by this time next year I’ll be stronger and ready to go off to uni better equipped to deal with life - a better person.

I take some solace in a few quotes about times when things don’t go your way which I’ll leave here and hope you guys can make use of them too:
'life is a tragedy in the close up and a comedy in long shot' - Charlie Chaplin
‘Life can only make sense backwards; but it must be lived forwards’ - Kierkegaard
“Fall seven times, stand up eight” - Japanese proverb
“This too shall pass” - Rumi

Best wishes all & up the low sock wearing toffees!
P.S I’ll do some wonderkid scouting when I’m out in South America

 

[Rita_Poon]

Thought I’d come on and post an update following my A level results 2 weeks ago that didn’t go my way.

I remarked my Chemistry and Physics (the 2 that were below what I needed for my firm university choice, needed A in both) and Physics fortunately went up to an A but Chemistry stayed at a B (went from 4 below to 1 below an A). I contacted my firm choice to ask if they could still take me but unfortunately that was to no avail. They advised I take a gap year and resit Chemistry and reapply to them.

I’d thought this was the most likely outcome since results day and so I’ve done some thinking about what to do next. Whilst I had a place at my insurance, I’ve decided to turn them down and take a gap year and resit my Chemistry. Fortunately, one of my mates is in a similar situation to me so we’re planning on going travelling together before our respective resists over the next 7-8 months (not all 7-8 months will be abroad of course). It seems we will likely be off to South America first to volunteer on a big cat wildlife reserve!

Whilst this is definitely very tough to take, especially being 1 mark off my offer, I feel this is the best course of action for me to get what I feel I want and deserve given I did put a huge amount of time and work and grit into these exams - even if it wasn’t enough this time round.

No doubt the ride won’t be all fun and games and there will undoubtedly be times when I struggle and beat myself up about a silly mistake here or there in my exams when I’m laying in bed, thinking “what if”. However, I unequivocally believe I’ll push through and by this time next year I’ll be stronger and ready to go off to uni better equipped to deal with life - a better person.

I take some solace in a few quotes about times when things don’t go your way which I’ll leave here and hope you guys can make use of them too:
'life is a tragedy in the close up and a comedy in long shot' - Charlie Chaplin
‘Life can only make sense backwards; but it must be lived forwards’ - Kierkegaard
“Fall seven times, stand up eight” - Japanese proverb
“This too shall pass” - Rumi

Best wishes all & up the low sock wearing toffees!
P.S I’ll do some wonderkid scouting when I’m out in South America

Was a resit over the summer not possible? Even a private one if necessary? Are you going to learn anything supplementary over the next 12 months? Is there anything you can study that can help toward your chosen degree? So you are more prepared when you actually land on your chosen choice so to speak? Congratulations on the Physics A btw.
Also; will you sit the chemistry exam in January? just in case you need a resit in May?
And the person you spoke to about being 1 point off desired sounds like a jobs-worth, I'd have swerved them, uni administrators are some of the worst most lazy twits* its ever been my misfortune to encounter. The course leader was the person to communicate with, and to put the evidence of the regrades in front of.
Sounds like you have a plan all the same, hope you can retain all the chemistry stuff and smash through previous papers to stay sharp.

Big cats in South America huh? You're braver than I am.

 

[Syrup]

Was a resit over the summer not possible? Even a private one if necessary? Are you going to learn anything supplementary over the next 12 months? Is there anything you can study that can help toward your chosen degree? So you are more prepared when you actually land on your chosen choice so to speak? Congratulations on the Physics A btw.
Also; will you sit the chemistry exam in January? just in case you need a resit in May?
And the person you spoke to about being 1 point off desired sounds like a jobs-worth, I'd have swerved them, uni administrators are some of the worst most lazy twits* its ever been my misfortune to encounter. The course leader was the person to communicate with, and to put the evidence of the regrades in front of.
Sounds like you have a plan all the same, hope you can retain all the chemistry stuff and smash through previous papers to stay sharp.

Big cats in South America huh? You're braver than I am.

A level resits are only available in the Summer exam series (May-June) unlike GCSE resits where Maths and English can be redone in November so annoyingly I’ll have to wait 10 months to resit.

Of course in the meantime I’ll keep myself fresh by gently going through my old notes and books and come February/March begin a proper revision schedule as everyone else would; fortunately I’ll only have to revise for 1 subject this time instead of 3 so I should hopefully have an advantage in that sense (but it naturally won’t be an advantage if I’ve forgotten anything come March and need to start afresh so I shan’t be doing that!).

My school are very good with gap year students so they give plenty of advice re where to do resits and how to best prepare without teachers.

In terms of how I can get more prepared for uni course content, I have a copy of a university text book in the subject I want to do so I’ll definitely read through and make notes on that when it gets closer to the time.

 

[Rita_Poon]

A level resits are only available in the Summer exam series (May-June) unlike GCSE resits where Maths and English can be redone in November so annoyingly I’ll have to wait 10 months to resit.

Of course in the meantime I’ll keep myself fresh by gently going through my old notes and books and come February/March begin a proper revision schedule as everyone else would; fortunately I’ll only have to revise for 1 subject this time instead of 3 so I should hopefully have an advantage in that sense (but it naturally won’t be an advantage if I’ve forgotten anything come March and need to start afresh so I shan’t be doing that!).

My school are very good with gap year students so they give plenty of advice re where to do resits and how to best prepare without teachers.

In terms of how I can get more prepared for uni course content, I have a copy of a university text book in the subject I want to do so I’ll definitely read through and make notes on that when it gets closer to the time.

Have you enquired re private A level resit? Is a set of biology modules or further maths not something to look at doing, to stay in the swing of academia and supplement your first year undergrad (is that right, 'undergrad'?)
Would you consider communicating with the head of the course at your chosen university (it's gotta be red brick or higher with them wanting A's in sciences) so it's Warwick, or Durham or Kings, Edinburgh or the big two. I'd mention your bad luck re 1 point, and state your intention to get the mark to get the access and ask if there's anything you can study in your own time for this coming year that will be useful or essential to have a leg up with for the course proper next year.

This pays off twice, because the person that end knows you are committed, it lets you start building that important relationship and gets you on with some of the syllabus earlier so you start with a slight head start.

The academic types are in it for those that want to take on as much as they can, the best attitudes prepared to slog through the work to get the rewards.

 

[Syrup]

Have you enquired re private A level resit? Is a set of biology modules or further maths not something to look at doing, to stay in the swing of academia and supplement your first year undergrad (is that right, 'undergrad'?)
Would you consider communicating with the head of the course at your chosen university (it's gotta be red brick or higher with them wanting A's in sciences) so it's Warwick, or Durham or Kings, Edinburgh or the big two. I'd mention your bad luck re 1 point, and state your intention to get the mark to get the access and ask if there's anything you can study in your own time for this coming year that will be useful or essential to have a leg up with for the course proper next year.

This pays off twice, because the person that end knows you are committed, it lets you start building that important relationship and gets you on with some of the syllabus earlier so you start with a slight head start.

The academic types are in it for those that want to take on as much as they can, the best attitudes prepared to slog through the work to get the rewards.

I have looked up some private centres in my city and found a couple that offer the exam board I did and want to hence want to resit for decent prices so I’ll go with one of them. I don’t need to register right now however.

It’s a very good idea to look at doing a module of say further maths or biology, I will certainly look into it. However, further maths is widely considered the hardest A-level and I actually studied it earlier in sixth form but dropped it eventually because I found it too hard so perhaps A/S further maths would be a better idea. At least this way I would be learning new stuff and not reading over the same stuff again. My only fear is that it could distract from my Chemistry which is what needs to go up at the end of the day.

I already contacted the head of undergrad admissions at the uni (big London one) for my course and he said that the course was full unfortunately but said I’d be welcome to resit and reapply without any discrimination.
As I said I have a first year undergraduate text book for my subject so I will make a start at that in depth when the time is closer or if I find myself needing something new as something to freshen me up.

I still definitely want to leave myself enough time to travel though. I don’t want this to be a gap year where I lock myself up for a year to just get X grade then go off to uni. I think it’s actually going to be quite important for me to travel with my friends and see the world a) from a character building and cultural eye-opening experience + b) from a perspective of not feeling lonely or feel as if I’m missing out on uni and as such start feeling sorry for myself because that helps me in no way shape or form. If I’m not psychologically healthy, there’s no way one will be able to perform in big exams.