Messymascot's faith in humanity and ginger safe haven


Evening everyone, Captain Morgan and coke for me tonight. Physio for Mr P today - one crutch outside and none indoors unless he feels he needs it and next Friday he can drive!! It’s just as well really cos if he makes one more remark or gives one more instruction when I’m driving his car the flipping crutch will be wrapped round his neckšŸ˜‚. Also - and gents you might want to reflect on this - when I’m driving and someone flashes me out does he have to acknowledge/wave to the other driver when I’m quite capable of waving myself 😬.
Anyway last night the family who live across the road from us had 2 guys try to pinch their car. They put tape over their ring doorbell 😮. Thieving scumbags. The police have been out and said they might come back tonight, so that’s me not sleeping.
Have a lovely evening and a glorious weekend ahead.
Well apparently I do that too! Coming back from the station this morning someone stopped on a narrow street to let us through, I waved in acknowledgment. I never realised before that I did it, perhaps Mr G sits there annoyed, he’s never mentioned it though.šŸ˜‚
 
I have never felt lower than tonight. Ever. I suddenly had the realisation that if the same happened to me as happened to my beloved Janet I would lie undiscovered for a week or more, decaying. I have no kids or close family, nobody calls me regularly or comes to the house, the neighbours only see me when I go out and nobody has a spare key. I am in decent health now so it is unlikely, but if it ever became more so, I would not let it get to that.

I opened some beers and watched some TV when the darkness overwhelmed me tonight. Didn't help. I only hope it will numb me enough to sleep, then get to another day, then maybe another. I went for a walk at 5:30 am and thought of the ways I could make it Game Over quickly and painlessly if the urge became too strong. Not really thought of any. Can't think of any easily accessible high enough place to be sure.

I'd probably be too much of a coward anyway, but thinking of the last resort is a comfort to have in reserve even if I never use it. My life as I knew it effectively ended five weeks ago on Monday. At the moment I just exist.

I am sure I am not the first bereaved person to think like this. Not will I be the last. But it all seems utterly pointless now. I just need to talk to her so she can say the right thing to make feel better. I need to go through and find her in bed. But I never will. Never again.

Hopefully tomorrow in the cold light today this will be in the rear view for now. I can only cross my fingers. People DO say it gets easier...
I can only echo what others have said. There are people who love you and care about you - your board game friends, the people who started your Go Fund Me page. You would be missed. Have you been to see your GP? They might be able to help. Also contact Civil Service Pensions to ask if Janet had a pension. You will be entitled to a widow's pension if she did. It may not be much but it all helps. The number is 0300 123 6666. You will wait ages in a queue but they are very helpful when you get through.
 

I have never felt lower than tonight. Ever. I suddenly had the realisation that if the same happened to me as happened to my beloved Janet I would lie undiscovered for a week or more, decaying. I have no kids or close family, nobody calls me regularly or comes to the house, the neighbours only see me when I go out and nobody has a spare key. I am in decent health now so it is unlikely, but if it ever became more so, I would not let it get to that.

I opened some beers and watched some TV when the darkness overwhelmed me tonight. Didn't help. I only hope it will numb me enough to sleep, then get to another day, then maybe another. I went for a walk at 5:30 am and thought of the ways I could make it Game Over quickly and painlessly if the urge became too strong. Not really thought of any. Can't think of any easily accessible high enough place to be sure.

I'd probably be too much of a coward anyway, but thinking of the last resort is a comfort to have in reserve even if I never use it. My life as I knew it effectively ended five weeks ago on Monday. At the moment I just exist.

I am sure I am not the first bereaved person to think like this. Not will I be the last. But it all seems utterly pointless now. I just need to talk to her so she can say the right thing to make feel better. I need to go through and find her in bed. But I never will. Never again.

Hopefully tomorrow in the cold light today this will be in the rear view for now. I can only cross my fingers. People DO say it gets easier...
Mate this is a great thread with wonderful people and responses and I wouldn’t want to discourage you posting here , but could I suggest you also post in the ā€œ ā€œ Depression and help on depression thread ā€¦ā€ on the main page? There are people in there who work in this area on a professional basis and often have a good insight from their work and can often provide good sound advice.

Hopefully things will improve for you even if it is a gradual process, good luck with things and keep posting here .
 
I have never felt lower than tonight. Ever. I suddenly had the realisation that if the same happened to me as happened to my beloved Janet I would lie undiscovered for a week or more, decaying. I have no kids or close family, nobody calls me regularly or comes to the house, the neighbours only see me when I go out and nobody has a spare key. I am in decent health now so it is unlikely, but if it ever became more so, I would not let it get to that.

I opened some beers and watched some TV when the darkness overwhelmed me tonight. Didn't help. I only hope it will numb me enough to sleep, then get to another day, then maybe another. I went for a walk at 5:30 am and thought of the ways I could make it Game Over quickly and painlessly if the urge became too strong. Not really thought of any. Can't think of any easily accessible high enough place to be sure.

I'd probably be too much of a coward anyway, but thinking of the last resort is a comfort to have in reserve even if I never use it. My life as I knew it effectively ended five weeks ago on Monday. At the moment I just exist.

I am sure I am not the first bereaved person to think like this. Not will I be the last. But it all seems utterly pointless now. I just need to talk to her so she can say the right thing to make feel better. I need to go through and find her in bed. But I never will. Never again.

Hopefully tomorrow in the cold light today this will be in the rear view for now. I can only cross my fingers. People DO say it gets easier...
Oh Stevie. My heart bleeds to read this and Im not sure what to say as I never had these dark thoughts that are plaguing you. If you haven't done so already, I would urge you to speak to your GP who should be able to arrange some professional counselling for you.

As regards living on your own, I have the same problem which is why my neighbours check in on me from time to time and I would recommend you do something similar. Even if it's just a phone call. With you being in decent health I honestly wouldn't dwell too much on it though as I'm sure you'll agree you have more important matters to spend your time on.

Stick with it mate. Things will get easier for you, I promise.šŸ’™
 
Good morning all on this cloudy one here ,I hope all are as well as can be expected after a good night's sleep . I feel fraud mentioning my leg with the rest going on on here but it is almost good now ,when you are my age that is the most you can hope for . They have a saying here that you can tell a person's age by how close the Identity card is to the front of their wallet .


Forgot to post hours ago
 

Love it. A buzz cut leaves me feeling a new man. I mean that, a haircut defines you.

Takes no time to wash and dry either šŸ˜—
Did you catch The Wunderhorse set at Glasto AT? As you know they're probably my favourite new band after the girls, but I was a bit concerned by Jacob Slater's performance. It's quite normal for him to throw himself into his music but I thought he was overly animated to the extent that even his lyrics sounded slurred. He has a history of mental health and addiction which is how he ended up down here recuperating. Well I've just seen that they've cancelled their last 2 shows in Bilbao and Transmit. It may just be a genuine illness and perhaps not even him. But I'm still worried for him. I watch them a lot and that Glasto set definitely wasn't right.
 
Well apparently I do that too! Coming back from the station this morning someone stopped on a narrow street to let us through, I waved in acknowledgment. I never realised before that I did it, perhaps Mr G sits there annoyed, he’s never mentioned it though.šŸ˜‚
I always do it too H. I just put it down to being somebody who appreciates courtesy.
 
I have never felt lower than tonight. Ever. I suddenly had the realisation that if the same happened to me as happened to my beloved Janet I would lie undiscovered for a week or more, decaying. I have no kids or close family, nobody calls me regularly or comes to the house, the neighbours only see me when I go out and nobody has a spare key. I am in decent health now so it is unlikely, but if it ever became more so, I would not let it get to that.

I opened some beers and watched some TV when the darkness overwhelmed me tonight. Didn't help. I only hope it will numb me enough to sleep, then get to another day, then maybe another. I went for a walk at 5:30 am and thought of the ways I could make it Game Over quickly and painlessly if the urge became too strong. Not really thought of any. Can't think of any easily accessible high enough place to be sure.

I'd probably be too much of a coward anyway, but thinking of the last resort is a comfort to have in reserve even if I never use it. My life as I knew it effectively ended five weeks ago on Monday. At the moment I just exist.

I am sure I am not the first bereaved person to think like this. Not will I be the last. But it all seems utterly pointless now. I just need to talk to her so she can say the right thing to make feel better. I need to go through and find her in bed. But I never will. Never again.

Hopefully tomorrow in the cold light today this will be in the rear view for now. I can only cross my fingers. People DO say it gets easier...

As others have said, go and speak to your GP who will make the necessary referrals to NHS and Local Council care teams. Both of whom will initiate contact with yourself. You will be surprised at how much help is available, but see the GP and let them do what they do…..
 
Did you catch The Wunderhorse set at Glasto AT? As you know they're probably my favourite new band after the girls, but I was a bit concerned by Jacob Slater's performance. It's quite normal for him to throw himself into his music but I thought he was overly animated to the extent that even his lyrics sounded slurred. He has a history of mental health and addiction which is how he ended up down here recuperating. Well I've just seen that they've cancelled their last 2 shows in Bilbao and Transmit. It may just be a genuine illness and perhaps not even him. But I'm still worried for him. I watch them a lot and that Glasto set definitely wasn't right.
I did see it yeah and thought he was high as a kite. Worrying to hear now about illness but hopefully something trivial.
 

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