Messymascot's faith in humanity and ginger safe haven

[Pilks]

I haven't posted in a few days, sadly because things have gone from bad to unimaginably worse for me. I don't think I even want to bring this up on a mainstream thread.

I got the death certificate yesterday and saw the bank about Janet's finances. I knew following her death that she had been giving significant financial help to a friend who was in dire straits, though I did not know to what extent. Now I do and it is beyond shocking. From my believing a week ago that I had a savings nest egg to retire on worth at least 80k, I today discovered that it has all gone. All of it, given away in a philanthropic haze.

This has taken me from the grieving process to wondering how I will even live. My safe retirement which I had worked for and then performed carer duties towards has been shattered, and I really don't have the will to 'pick myself up and start again'. I can only imagine that things had started to snowball, and maybe she thought if she continued she would get it back, or else she just ended up in denial. What does seem likely is that the stress of being afraid to confess this to me may very well have directly brought on the attack which killed her.

Had she only realised, I would have forgiven it and worked with her to rebuild things. I can only cling to the fact that I am certain she did love me, as she made it plain in the way we lived every day, so this must have ended up as a black dog of her stupidity that she couldn't shake. It certainly ruins the way I could have grieved for her in that pure untainted way you want to. It could well be that, since the funds had just run out that very day, she was just getting the big anniversary out of the way before taking the huge step of telling me - but she didn't live to do so, which compounds the agony.

I'm really not sure how to go on here. Almost 64, worked for 30 years and then done voluntary work and full time caring for another 15, and I am in the same boat as someone who has frittered his life away. I tried to call the CAB to make an appointment but the line had just closed. I tried them again today and they were brusque and unhelpful.

I am constantly beating myself up for not getting eyes on the finances before now, especially as she has had a history in the past of giving away money to help someone - but never to this extent. I guess I didn't want to think that it could happen, as she was so clued up financially having worked for the tax office and the DWP in the past, and I just put it off and trusted, leading to this point where my life feels effectively over.

I can barely even conceive myself of the mess I have found myself in. I envy those who can merely grieve - I yearn for the state I was in a week ago, horrible though it was. There was still light at the end of the tunnel. There isn't now.

 

[peteblue]

I haven't posted in a few days, sadly because things have gone from bad to unimaginably worse for me. I don't think I even want to bring this up on a mainstream thread.

I got the death certificate yesterday and saw the bank about Janet's finances. I knew following her death that she had been giving significant financial help to a friend who was in dire straits, though I did not know to what extent. Now I do and it is beyond shocking. From my believing a week ago that I had a savings nest egg to retire on worth at least 80k, I today discovered that it has all gone. All of it, given away in a philanthropic haze.

This has taken me from the grieving process to wondering how I will even live. My safe retirement which I had worked for and then performed carer duties towards has been shattered, and I really don't have the will to 'pick myself up and start again'. I can only imagine that things had started to snowball, and maybe she thought if she continued she would get it back, or else she just ended up in denial. What does seem likely is that the stress of being afraid to confess this to me may very well have directly brought on the attack which killed her.

Had she only realised, I would have forgiven it and worked with her to rebuild things. I can only cling to the fact that I am certain she did love me, as she made it plain in the way we lived every day, so this must have ended up as a black dog of her stupidity that she couldn't shake. It certainly ruins the way I could have grieved for her in that pure untainted way you want to. It could well be that, since the funds had just run out that very day, she was just getting the big anniversary out of the way before taking the huge step of telling me - but she didn't live to do so, which compounds the agony.

I'm really not sure how to go on here. Almost 64, worked for 30 years and then done voluntary work and full time caring for another 15, and I am in the same boat as someone who has frittered his life away. I tried to call the CAB to make an appointment but the line had just closed. I tried them again today and they were brusque and unhelpful.

I am constantly beating myself up for not getting eyes on the finances before now, especially as she has had a history in the past of giving away money to help someone - but never to this extent. I guess I didn't want to think that it could happen, as she was so clued up financially having worked for the tax office and the DWP in the past, and I just put it off and trusted, leading to this point where my life feels effectively over.

I can barely even conceive myself of the mess I have found myself in. I envy those who can merely grieve - I yearn for the state I was in a week ago, horrible though it was. There was still light at the end of the tunnel. There isn't now.

A terrible situation for you, but a couple of things to consider.

Is it possible to approach whomever the monies were given or lent to, explaining the situation. Probably a low chance I appreciate but still worth an approach.

Did Janet receive any pensions from HMRC or the DWP. If the current answer is negative then it could be worthwhile approaching them to check their records just in case.

Did she have any life insurance or own any shares, did she have any monies in a Post Office account or Building society.

Some of the guys on here may have more productive suggestions for you….

 

[jazzy]

I haven't posted in a few days, sadly because things have gone from bad to unimaginably worse for me. I don't think I even want to bring this up on a mainstream thread.

I got the death certificate yesterday and saw the bank about Janet's finances. I knew following her death that she had been giving significant financial help to a friend who was in dire straits, though I did not know to what extent. Now I do and it is beyond shocking. From my believing a week ago that I had a savings nest egg to retire on worth at least 80k, I today discovered that it has all gone. All of it, given away in a philanthropic haze.

This has taken me from the grieving process to wondering how I will even live. My safe retirement which I had worked for and then performed carer duties towards has been shattered, and I really don't have the will to 'pick myself up and start again'. I can only imagine that things had started to snowball, and maybe she thought if she continued she would get it back, or else she just ended up in denial. What does seem likely is that the stress of being afraid to confess this to me may very well have directly brought on the attack which killed her.

Had she only realised, I would have forgiven it and worked with her to rebuild things. I can only cling to the fact that I am certain she did love me, as she made it plain in the way we lived every day, so this must have ended up as a black dog of her stupidity that she couldn't shake. It certainly ruins the way I could have grieved for her in that pure untainted way you want to. It could well be that, since the funds had just run out that very day, she was just getting the big anniversary out of the way before taking the huge step of telling me - but she didn't live to do so, which compounds the agony.

I'm really not sure how to go on here. Almost 64, worked for 30 years and then done voluntary work and full time caring for another 15, and I am in the same boat as someone who has frittered his life away. I tried to call the CAB to make an appointment but the line had just closed. I tried them again today and they were brusque and unhelpful.

I am constantly beating myself up for not getting eyes on the finances before now, especially as she has had a history in the past of giving away money to help someone - but never to this extent. I guess I didn't want to think that it could happen, as she was so clued up financially having worked for the tax office and the DWP in the past, and I just put it off and trusted, leading to this point where my life feels effectively over.

I can barely even conceive myself of the mess I have found myself in. I envy those who can merely grieve - I yearn for the state I was in a week ago, horrible though it was. There was still light at the end of the tunnel. There isn't now.

Crumbs that's a terribly sad story mate. I honestly don't know what to say or where you should turn to for help but safe to say there are others much smarter and more knowledgeable than me on this thread who I'm sure will be able to suggest appropriate avenues.

Good luck.

 

[Gwladysover]

I haven't posted in a few days, sadly because things have gone from bad to unimaginably worse for me. I don't think I even want to bring this up on a mainstream thread.

I got the death certificate yesterday and saw the bank about Janet's finances. I knew following her death that she had been giving significant financial help to a friend who was in dire straits, though I did not know to what extent. Now I do and it is beyond shocking. From my believing a week ago that I had a savings nest egg to retire on worth at least 80k, I today discovered that it has all gone. All of it, given away in a philanthropic haze.

This has taken me from the grieving process to wondering how I will even live. My safe retirement which I had worked for and then performed carer duties towards has been shattered, and I really don't have the will to 'pick myself up and start again'. I can only imagine that things had started to snowball, and maybe she thought if she continued she would get it back, or else she just ended up in denial. What does seem likely is that the stress of being afraid to confess this to me may very well have directly brought on the attack which killed her.

Had she only realised, I would have forgiven it and worked with her to rebuild things. I can only cling to the fact that I am certain she did love me, as she made it plain in the way we lived every day, so this must have ended up as a black dog of her stupidity that she couldn't shake. It certainly ruins the way I could have grieved for her in that pure untainted way you want to. It could well be that, since the funds had just run out that very day, she was just getting the big anniversary out of the way before taking the huge step of telling me - but she didn't live to do so, which compounds the agony.

I'm really not sure how to go on here. Almost 64, worked for 30 years and then done voluntary work and full time caring for another 15, and I am in the same boat as someone who has frittered his life away. I tried to call the CAB to make an appointment but the line had just closed. I tried them again today and they were brusque and unhelpful.

I am constantly beating myself up for not getting eyes on the finances before now, especially as she has had a history in the past of giving away money to help someone - but never to this extent. I guess I didn't want to think that it could happen, as she was so clued up financially having worked for the tax office and the DWP in the past, and I just put it off and trusted, leading to this point where my life feels effectively over.

I can barely even conceive myself of the mess I have found myself in. I envy those who can merely grieve - I yearn for the state I was in a week ago, horrible though it was. There was still light at the end of the tunnel. There isn't now.

What an absolutely horrible situation for you.
You may have already tried this but I thought I’d post it in case..

Find pension contact details

Find the contact details for a pension provider by using the Pension Tracing Service

www.gov.uk

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I haven't posted in a few days, sadly because things have gone from bad to unimaginably worse for me. I don't think I even want to bring this up on a mainstream thread.

I got the death certificate yesterday and saw the bank about Janet's finances. I knew following her death that she had been giving significant financial help to a friend who was in dire straits, though I did not know to what extent. Now I do and it is beyond shocking. From my believing a week ago that I had a savings nest egg to retire on worth at least 80k, I today discovered that it has all gone. All of it, given away in a philanthropic haze.

This has taken me from the grieving process to wondering how I will even live. My safe retirement which I had worked for and then performed carer duties towards has been shattered, and I really don't have the will to 'pick myself up and start again'. I can only imagine that things had started to snowball, and maybe she thought if she continued she would get it back, or else she just ended up in denial. What does seem likely is that the stress of being afraid to confess this to me may very well have directly brought on the attack which killed her.

Had she only realised, I would have forgiven it and worked with her to rebuild things. I can only cling to the fact that I am certain she did love me, as she made it plain in the way we lived every day, so this must have ended up as a black dog of her stupidity that she couldn't shake. It certainly ruins the way I could have grieved for her in that pure untainted way you want to. It could well be that, since the funds had just run out that very day, she was just getting the big anniversary out of the way before taking the huge step of telling me - but she didn't live to do so, which compounds the agony.

I'm really not sure how to go on here. Almost 64, worked for 30 years and then done voluntary work and full time caring for another 15, and I am in the same boat as someone who has frittered his life away. I tried to call the CAB to make an appointment but the line had just closed. I tried them again today and they were brusque and unhelpful.

I am constantly beating myself up for not getting eyes on the finances before now, especially as she has had a history in the past of giving away money to help someone - but never to this extent. I guess I didn't want to think that it could happen, as she was so clued up financially having worked for the tax office and the DWP in the past, and I just put it off and trusted, leading to this point where my life feels effectively over.

I can barely even conceive myself of the mess I have found myself in. I envy those who can merely grieve - I yearn for the state I was in a week ago, horrible though it was. There was still light at the end of the tunnel. There isn't now.

Im so sorry to hear this. It must be even more of a shock now for you.
Being a Civil Servant of many years, and also a Union rep, I can say that your wife should have some sort of pension. If you want to message me and tell me how long she worked in each department, when she left, did she get medical retirement, I might be able to give you some pointers as to who you can ask. If she was in receipt of a pension, you should get a widow's pension - assuming she named you as her beneficiary.

 

[Val P]

28 degrees here at the moment, same for Friday then 29 degrees Saturday. Unfortunately I don’t do well in hot weather, but fortunately our house tends to be quite cool because we have several large cellars. It must be nice being able to sit out in this weather…..

I lasted about 10 mins then had to find shade! When I was younger I used to slap on the Bergasol and bake for hours. I can’t seem to tolerate it these days unless there’s sea or a pool

 

[blue1948]

I haven't posted in a few days, sadly because things have gone from bad to unimaginably worse for me. I don't think I even want to bring this up on a mainstream thread.

I got the death certificate yesterday and saw the bank about Janet's finances. I knew following her death that she had been giving significant financial help to a friend who was in dire straits, though I did not know to what extent. Now I do and it is beyond shocking. From my believing a week ago that I had a savings nest egg to retire on worth at least 80k, I today discovered that it has all gone. All of it, given away in a philanthropic haze.

This has taken me from the grieving process to wondering how I will even live. My safe retirement which I had worked for and then performed carer duties towards has been shattered, and I really don't have the will to 'pick myself up and start again'. I can only imagine that things had started to snowball, and maybe she thought if she continued she would get it back, or else she just ended up in denial. What does seem likely is that the stress of being afraid to confess this to me may very well have directly brought on the attack which killed her.

Had she only realised, I would have forgiven it and worked with her to rebuild things. I can only cling to the fact that I am certain she did love me, as she made it plain in the way we lived every day, so this must have ended up as a black dog of her stupidity that she couldn't shake. It certainly ruins the way I could have grieved for her in that pure untainted way you want to. It could well be that, since the funds had just run out that very day, she was just getting the big anniversary out of the way before taking the huge step of telling me - but she didn't live to do so, which compounds the agony.

I'm really not sure how to go on here. Almost 64, worked for 30 years and then done voluntary work and full time caring for another 15, and I am in the same boat as someone who has frittered his life away. I tried to call the CAB to make an appointment but the line had just closed. I tried them again today and they were brusque and unhelpful.

I am constantly beating myself up for not getting eyes on the finances before now, especially as she has had a history in the past of giving away money to help someone - but never to this extent. I guess I didn't want to think that it could happen, as she was so clued up financially having worked for the tax office and the DWP in the past, and I just put it off and trusted, leading to this point where my life feels effectively over.

I can barely even conceive myself of the mess I have found myself in. I envy those who can merely grieve - I yearn for the state I was in a week ago, horrible though it was. There was still light at the end of the tunnel. There isn't now.

It is hard to even read never mind have it happen .You say that some that have frittered it all away and are still as well off as you ,that sadly is true but what is also true is they will get on with life as you must .
I suspect you are correct that your wife was about to tell you ,if that is right then the last thing she would want is you doing something daft .If there is a life after this then let her apologise not hide from you .
As others have you can get through this ,I know it will seem desperate now but take it one day at a time and every positive you can find .My best wishes with the CAB .

 

[Val P]

I haven't posted in a few days, sadly because things have gone from bad to unimaginably worse for me. I don't think I even want to bring this up on a mainstream thread.

I got the death certificate yesterday and saw the bank about Janet's finances. I knew following her death that she had been giving significant financial help to a friend who was in dire straits, though I did not know to what extent. Now I do and it is beyond shocking. From my believing a week ago that I had a savings nest egg to retire on worth at least 80k, I today discovered that it has all gone. All of it, given away in a philanthropic haze.

This has taken me from the grieving process to wondering how I will even live. My safe retirement which I had worked for and then performed carer duties towards has been shattered, and I really don't have the will to 'pick myself up and start again'. I can only imagine that things had started to snowball, and maybe she thought if she continued she would get it back, or else she just ended up in denial. What does seem likely is that the stress of being afraid to confess this to me may very well have directly brought on the attack which killed her.

Had she only realised, I would have forgiven it and worked with her to rebuild things. I can only cling to the fact that I am certain she did love me, as she made it plain in the way we lived every day, so this must have ended up as a black dog of her stupidity that she couldn't shake. It certainly ruins the way I could have grieved for her in that pure untainted way you want to. It could well be that, since the funds had just run out that very day, she was just getting the big anniversary out of the way before taking the huge step of telling me - but she didn't live to do so, which compounds the agony.

I'm really not sure how to go on here. Almost 64, worked for 30 years and then done voluntary work and full time caring for another 15, and I am in the same boat as someone who has frittered his life away. I tried to call the CAB to make an appointment but the line had just closed. I tried them again today and they were brusque and unhelpful.

I am constantly beating myself up for not getting eyes on the finances before now, especially as she has had a history in the past of giving away money to help someone - but never to this extent. I guess I didn't want to think that it could happen, as she was so clued up financially having worked for the tax office and the DWP in the past, and I just put it off and trusted, leading to this point where my life feels effectively over.

I can barely even conceive myself of the mess I have found myself in. I envy those who can merely grieve - I yearn for the state I was in a week ago, horrible though it was. There was still light at the end of the tunnel. There isn't now.

I am so sorry to hear this and can’t imagine what you are going through right now. As well as the practical stuff, please seek out someone you can talk to whether this is a friend or family member or even the Samaritans - I don’t know where you are but in the north west there is something called Andy’s man club which provides support. It worries me massively to hear you say you feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel and I really urge you to seek some help to get you through this horrible time

 

[Pilks]

I am so sorry to hear this and can’t imagine what you are going through right now. As well as the practical stuff, please seek out someone you can talk to whether this is a friend or family member or even the Samaritans - I don’t know where you are but in the north west there is something called Andy’s man club which provides support. It worries me massively to hear you say you feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel and I really urge you to seek some help to get you through this horrible time

I am in Garswood, so I believe not far from yourself... The final time of death was called in Wigan Infirmary

 

[Val P]

I am in Garswood, so I believe not far from yourself... The final time of death was called in Wigan Infirmary

No not far at all.
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/groups/ have a look at this - it has a very good reputation .

https://www.mind.org.uk/information...ental-health-problem/mental-health-helplines/ Also this gives a range of support options.

I hope this is useful

 

[peteblue]

Morning all, well it’s going to be roasting hot again today. It’s been a quiet week in the so far, probably due to our regulars hosting BBQ’s in this sunshine. We have an Indian food van at the pub later today so we’ll see how that goes.

Enjoy your day @Pilks if you can…..

 

[peteblue]

I’ve been keeping Kay indoors in the cool these last few days as it’s simply too hot outside. I would be distraught if she suffered in the sun. It’s always difficult to know what’s best for her……….

 

[blue1948]

I’ve been keeping Kay indoors in the cool these last few days as it’s simply too hot outside. I would be distraught if she suffered in the sun. It’s always difficult to know what’s best for her……….

There is no doubt what is best for her ,it is you and the love you show every minute of the day . I am jealous of the Indian food van as it is my favourite cuisine sadly not my wife's . We had Indian guests a few years ago and her chicken curry was a thing to behold . She was however blown away by my smoked trout -what makes me think the cad of Kernow would pick up on that if he is still sober !
You have to go with gut feelings on the sun for Kay as you know her best ,better safe than sorry is my guess .

 

[blue1948]

Good morning all on this fantastic day here ne'er a cloud in the sky .I hope all are well and had a good night .
So we have a reported budget of 70 mill for the summer ! Ten new players ! I hope that Jarrad signs a new contract quickly as that will force the price up because 70 is not going to be enough . It seems we might be in for a tense summer .COYB

 

[Gwladysover]

Morning all, sun cracking the flags already. I’ve just realised the F A Cup final is the day before our last home home game against Sunderland and my planned trip to Bramley Moore. Is it wrong of me to hope that both teams have been knocked out before then?
@anjelikaferrett, hope the funeral goes as well as these things can.
@peteblue hope the Indian food van is a success and you are able to keep Kay cool in this hot weather, @blue1948 is right you absolutely know what is best for her.
@Pilks I hope you are able to at least see some resolution to your problems and find some peace.
Last but certainly not least @Barnfred 55 I will be thinking of you today, the anniversary of your marriage to your lovely Cal.
Have a good day, all.