Messymascot's faith in humanity and ginger safe haven

[Armaghtoffee]

A weather warning tomorrow across all of Ireland for thunderstorms and torrential rain. Looks like we really did have our summer a few weeks back. Days like tomorrow make me so grateful to be largely a home based worker.

 

[Barnfred 55]

With only two songs on Spotify I had them on repeat as I rustled up a chilli. They immediately reminded me of this in a good way. Tons of energy and a BIG sound:

Yeah. I got Muse meets Alanis Morissette to record a soundtrack for Prince of Persia.

I know you're a Muse fan so I thought you'd like it. I'll need ti check out their Spotify as I thought they only had the one song released.

 

[Armaghtoffee]

Yeah. I got Muse meets Alanis Morissette to record a soundtrack for Prince of Persia.

I know you're a Muse fan so I thought you'd like it. I'll need ti check out their Spotify as I thought they only had the one song released.

Muse wrote an even more appropriate song for the Prince of Persia reference

I played this to my Mother one day and she described it as Belly Dancing Music.

 

[Gwladysover]

Bit of a bittersweet day. Harry had his last exam today and has left school. This means he will no longer be coming round for breakfast and the school run. I first took on childminding duties when his Mum returned to work when he was three months old. Son and family used to live over the road from us so we were on hand, they moved about twelve miles away four years ago. Harry couldn’t move secondary schools, bus times were inconvenient so we took over the school run. It’s been a bit of a pain in the rear end at times especially on dark cold mornings and evenings. I’m pleased not to be doing that anymore but how I will miss seeing him.

 

[Val P]

Hi all. Thanks for inviting me in here, I spoke with @Barnfred 55 earlier, who was telling me what a great place it is for support

Some of you might have seen my post about my wife. Short summation: she passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on Monday night while getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary, which it was (our afternoon reception was at Goodison on 8 June 1995). The way she passed was a little traumatic and disturbing (a sort of seizure and her heart stopped), and the image of it haunts me. They got her heart going again, but it stopped three more times, and she was pronounced with no brain activity in the hospital later.

She was disabled in recent years, following a rare and potentially fatal reaction general anaesthetic in 2003, and for the last dozen years or so she has used a wheelchair and I have been her full time carer. When I went out anywhere, I would always call to see if she was all right, let her know when I was on my way back, and then tell her all about what I'd been doing. My entire life revolved around her, and we were together at least 20 hours of every single day, and I am spiralling around a black hole now. We had no children and all of my immediate family are dead. She was estranged from hers. So the nights are spent alone.

Tonight I decided I had to get out and see people, so I went to the pub quiz league I play in. It was hard but I felt better for talking to people and telling them - and there were sandwiches so at least I ate something. But leaving was so hard, as normally as soon as I got in, she would ask 'Did you win? How many did you score? What questions did you get?', and now there is just the empty chair, no questions and no greeting. It seems empty and pointless. Going to bed with the empty side, with all of her soft toys that we used to joke about and give imaginary personalities to was gut-wrenching, and even with a few beers in me, sleep came late and fitfully. I put off the moment of getting back in by calling round to the friend who came to the hospital with me last night, but it only put off the inevitable. I'm sitting here with a lead weight in my chest at 2:30am (we were always night owls, she would often be awake for hours owing to pain, and would read in bed until the early hours, and we would both sleep until early afternoon. At this time I would be doing some work in my office (I'm a writer, which isn't as exciting, or as profitable, as it sounds), and each time I came out to go to the bathroom or get something I'd pop my head into the bedroom and ask if she needed anything etc. Looking at that bedroom now with the empty bed is horrible. The day is bad but the night is the worst.

I'm almost 64 (she was just about to turn 61 in a few days), and I haven't worked for about 14 years with being carer. Our income consists of her PIP and my carer's allowance, which will all go. As will the Motability car which we had, which panics me as to how I will afford another. She did all the financial affairs (that was 'her area', while I did all of the physical things), and I have realised I know shockingly little. We have pensions but I cannot recall what, and which have been taken as a lump sum already. I cannot access the Online Banking, so while I know she topped up the current account when needed from a savings account, I have no idea how much is in there. Fearing looming poverty just makes me feel more helpless and even more desperate to talk to her - she would reassure me in seconds I am certain.

I know it sounds extreme and desperate, but last night, alone in the house, I honestly believe that if I had access to a gun, I would have used it. Previously I have never even considered that however bad things got, because she needed me so much. I also didn't want to go first and leave her, so there is that. But now, I feel as if I'm just spinning, and it wouldn't impact anyone much if I were taken off the board. I won't do anything like that, I'm too much of a coward, but the thoughts are awful.

I know that I have to get out and be with people and follow a routine as much as possible. On Wednesdays I go to a Board Games club, and I think I will force myself to. My mate has also said I can go to his on the way home and play some FIFA or something on the Nintendo. I don't know if it will help or just put a band aid on, but I have to try... I can't watch TV, as we would always binge shows and talk about them.

I'm hoping a couple of beers will chill and relax me a bit more tonight, as last night I must have been on adrenaline, and it didn't touch me. I'd be an expensive drunk if that was always the case!!

God, this ended up in a long venting! Sorry for rambling...

Welcome to the thread albeit in the most terrible of situations, in terms of the group I am a relative newcomer (maybe 2 years) but I can confirm that they are a great bunch of friendly and understanding people with a range of knowledge and skills that you couldn’t imagine. As well as some dodgy music tastes but they would think it’s my taste that’s dodgy not theirs .
I am so very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you and Janet had an amazing relationship. I consider my own marriage to be amazing also having been with my husband for 40 years, so to try and imagine what you must be going through is horrific. I too nearly lost my husband a couple of times in the past 12 years and had a glimpse into how easy it is to just fall apart even when against the odds he survived both times. I still wobble massively and I think I always will.
I hope you find some comfort and support in talking to us but it is so early you must be all over the place.
Just be kind to yourself right now, expect to feel every emotion, and take any help and support you can. On a practical level maybe citizens advice could help and I’m sure the good folks on here have advice for you too.
I hope you do go to your board games club - I’m interested to know which ones you play.
Again welcome

 

[Val P]

Bit of a bittersweet day. Harry had his last exam today and has left school. This means he will no longer be coming round for breakfast and the school run. I first took on childminding duties when his Mum returned to work when he was three months old. Son and family used to live over the road from us so we were on hand, they moved about twelve miles away four years ago. Harry couldn’t move secondary schools, bus times were inconvenient so we took over the school run. It’s been a bit of a pain in the rear end at times especially on dark cold mornings and evenings. I’m pleased not to be doing that anymore but how I will miss seeing him.

How they must value the support you’ve given them over the years and I bet you have a cracking relationship with Harry as a result. Time to have some nice lie ins especially when the weather is grim x

 

[Val P]

Good evening from camp commandant Valerie von therapist. I know my husband hates me right now , but we have got his knee to 80 odd degrees - not very precise but I left my goniometer in the NHS, and he will be on target when we go to follow up.
What a gorgeous day it’s been weather wise but like you @Armaghtoffee we have been forecast thunder tomorrow which is a pain as it took me ages to get the garden chairs out today with my gammy arm. I’ve decided they will just have to get wet.
I’m just settling down ready for Race Across the World - it’s really inspired me to visit China and I’m sorry it’s the last episode.
Have a good evening all and I hope sleep comes to those who need it

 

[Pilks]

Well, so much for me getting down to my games club tonight. I'd only managed about an hour's sleep when the coroner's office rang at 10am and I had to tell them all the details to help with the post mortem. There won't be a death certificate until next week because of that so things are on hold. I read some messages and things, then went for a lie down again at noon (following good advice to grab sleep where I can), and next thing I woke up at 8:30 pm! Had just had a long and vivid dream in which she had been pronounced dead and I notified people, before a nurse came along later, did something simple and she woke up. There was an explanation, but it was garbled and all connected to something the coroner said. I guess I should expect that sort of thing, but it's crushing to wake up from... Off out to my mate's in half an hour anyway, spend a couple of hours there. Must eat now, had nothing for 24 hours, and also forgot my tablets yesterday (I take a few each day for things like blood pressure, thyroid, stress) so will sort them now

 

[Ducans elbow]

Well, so much for me getting down to my games club tonight. I'd only managed about an hour's sleep when the coroner's office rang at 10am and I had to tell them all the details to help with the post mortem. There won't be a death certificate until next week because of that so things are on hold. I read some messages and things, then went for a lie down again at noon (following good advice to grab sleep where I can), and next thing I woke up at 8:30 pm! Had just had a long and vivid dream in which she had been pronounced dead and I notified people, before a nurse came along later, did something simple and she woke up. There was an explanation, but it was garbled and all connected to something the coroner said. I guess I should expect that sort of thing, but it's crushing to wake up from... Off out to my mate's in half an hour anyway, spend a couple of hours there. Must eat now, had nothing for 24 hours, and also forgot my tablets yesterday (I take a few each day for things like blood pressure, thyroid, stress) so will sort them now

Just catching up first of all let me send my deepest condolences on your loss, but posting on here you will have a lot of support and some good advice from people that have gone through losing a loved one,

Don’t be a stranger if you need any help there are people on here that can give you some great advice when needed,

 

[peteblue]

Morning all, I put kay to bed a couple of hours ago but cannot sleep. I hope each day that @Pilks gets a proper rest as it is such an early stage for him and sleep aids the grieving process. Keep well all and have a lovely day later…….

 

[Gwladysover]

Morning all, another early start as it’s the husband’s cataract op today. I’m hoping the weather holds as the country dancing festival, postponed from last week, is due to be held this evening and Jess will be so disappointed if it’s cancelled. Pleased to hear the physio is going well @Val P , keep cracking that whip.
Have a good day, all.
P.S. Re country dancing - at school I remember doing a dance called the Gay Gordons, “gay” had a completely different in those days. Is it still called that or has it been re-named?

 

[blue1948]

Good morning all on this dismal wet day ,the farmer's dream . I hope all had a good night especially @Pilks who was in almost every thought I had yesterday , as an inteligent person I still cannot comprehend the loss of a lifelong friend and partner ,does our brain protect us from the sadness until we have to cope?
I think most feel it for another person as a sort of fear that one day it will be them and they are inwardly relieved it isn't .
I hope @Pilks will post today as he seems the open kind that talking will help in a small way . As @Val P says there are those on here who have suffered similar tragedies or at least a life changing event that will try to help.
Let us all hope we can do our best to be sympathetic ears for the sake of his wife Janet who for sure would have hoped he would find them .
Have a good day all COYB.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Good morning all.I've just dropped Mr F at work so time for a cuppa. Another sunny day forecast. @Gwladysover, you will miss seeing Harry every morning, it's lovely that you have seen so much of him. @Val P I'm glad you are supervising Gary's recovery so well. He will thank you for it eventually @Pilks - good that you got some sleep. I strongly believe that your body tells you what it needs.
Last nightvI watched a programme on Sky about pangolins, narrated by David Attenborough. It was utterly shocking. In a year 100,000 of them were removed illegally from the wild and nobody knows how many are left. It mostly focused on one woman who, almost single handedly, is trying to save the African species from poaching. She was amazing. Well worth a watch.
I have no plans today - it might be a housework day. Chris and Sophie are visiting for the weekend. Chris had treatment 7 of 9 on Tuesday. He's due another scan soon, so hopefully, with everything crossed, the finishing line is in sight.
Have a good day all. X

 

[jazzy]

Morning everyone,

Went down to watch some cricket last night and ended up serving behind the bar and collecting and washing glasses all night ! The lesson is ...be careful what you volunteer for.

All joking aside it's nice after being retired for 15 years to feel wanted , useful and part of a small team again.

Very hot and humid here today and thunderstorms later apparently which is great because the garden could do with another soaking , especially the tropical where I planted 5 more banana trees yesterday.

Loads of transfer rumours which is fun and courtesy of @Barnfred 55 and @Armaghtoffee reading about loads of bands I've never heard of and never will hear .

Have a lovely day everyone.

 

[Val P]

Morning all, another early start as it’s the husband’s cataract op today. I’m hoping the weather holds as the country dancing festival, postponed from last week, is due to be held this evening and Jess will be so disappointed if it’s cancelled. Pleased to hear the physio is going well @Val P , keep cracking that whip.
Have a good day, all.
P.S. Re country dancing - at school I remember doing a dance called the Gay Gordons, “gay” had a completely different in those days. Is it still called that or has it been re-named?

Good luck to Mr G for his cataract op, I hope it goes smoothly. I remember the Gay Gordon’s and The Dashing White Sergeant too.