Messymascot's faith in humanity and ginger safe haven

anjelikaferrett said:
Good morning all. Im making my second foray into the world of yoga this morning. I'll let you know how it goesšŸ¤£. This will be followed by a visit to a local garden centre for some new plants - they've got a half price sale on. I've had to bribe Mr F to come with me to do the heavy lifting. Ive promised him lunch in the very nice cafe and sausages from the farm shop that is also on site. He's a cheap date!
Have a lovely day everyone x
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Keep up the yoga Ang and don't expect overnight results
 

anjelikaferrett said:
Good morning all. Im making my second foray into the world of yoga this morning. I'll let you know how it goesšŸ¤£. This will be followed by a visit to a local garden centre for some new plants - they've got a half price sale on. I've had to bribe Mr F to come with me to do the heavy lifting. Ive promised him lunch in the very nice cafe and sausages from the farm shop that is also on site. He's a cheap date!
Have a lovely day everyone x
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Everyone has a price šŸ˜€
 
Gwladysover said:
No need for apologies here, our friend Karlā€™s (aka Messymascot) hope was that this thread would become a virtual coffee shop, although he hated coffee! This is exactly what it has become, a place to meet friends, share hopes, memories, worries and generally chew the fat. Iā€™m one of the older posters here and an Evertonian by adoption, since watching the Cup Final in 1966, I know difficult to believe, I donā€™t look old enough! Will be good to have to you and the memory your lovely Janet on board, great name by the way, although mine has an extra ā€œteā€šŸ’™
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I didn't know your name was Jatenet H.
 
Armaghtoffee said:
@Barnfred 55 Iā€™m not yet getting BCNR. Iā€™m trying and have given them a few listens but itā€™s not grabbing me. What is your go to track?
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They are one of those bands that you either get or you don't as their songwriting doesn't follow conventional lines. It would help if you're an old prog rock fan like me as you tend to be more accepting of left field stuff. I'll post my fave later. It's from the old era when they had a male singer
 

Pilks said:
Hi all. Thanks for inviting me in here, I spoke with @Barnfred 55 earlier, who was telling me what a great place it is for support

Some of you might have seen my post about my wife. Short summation: she passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on Monday night while getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary, which it was (our afternoon reception was at Goodison on 8 June 1995). The way she passed was a little traumatic and disturbing (a sort of seizure and her heart stopped), and the image of it haunts me. They got her heart going again, but it stopped three more times, and she was pronounced with no brain activity in the hospital later.

She was disabled in recent years, following a rare and potentially fatal reaction general anaesthetic in 2003, and for the last dozen years or so she has used a wheelchair and I have been her full time carer. When I went out anywhere, I would always call to see if she was all right, let her know when I was on my way back, and then tell her all about what I'd been doing. My entire life revolved around her, and we were together at least 20 hours of every single day, and I am spiralling around a black hole now. We had no children and all of my immediate family are dead. She was estranged from hers. So the nights are spent alone.

Tonight I decided I had to get out and see people, so I went to the pub quiz league I play in. It was hard but I felt better for talking to people and telling them - and there were sandwiches so at least I ate something. But leaving was so hard, as normally as soon as I got in, she would ask 'Did you win? How many did you score? What questions did you get?', and now there is just the empty chair, no questions and no greeting. It seems empty and pointless. Going to bed with the empty side, with all of her soft toys that we used to joke about and give imaginary personalities to was gut-wrenching, and even with a few beers in me, sleep came late and fitfully. I put off the moment of getting back in by calling round to the friend who came to the hospital with me last night, but it only put off the inevitable. I'm sitting here with a lead weight in my chest at 2:30am (we were always night owls, she would often be awake for hours owing to pain, and would read in bed until the early hours, and we would both sleep until early afternoon. At this time I would be doing some work in my office (I'm a writer, which isn't as exciting, or as profitable, as it sounds), and each time I came out to go to the bathroom or get something I'd pop my head into the bedroom and ask if she needed anything etc. Looking at that bedroom now with the empty bed is horrible. The day is bad but the night is the worst.

I'm almost 64 (she was just about to turn 61 in a few days), and I haven't worked for about 14 years with being carer. Our income consists of her PIP and my carer's allowance, which will all go. As will the Motability car which we had, which panics me as to how I will afford another. She did all the financial affairs (that was 'her area', while I did all of the physical things), and I have realised I know shockingly little. We have pensions but I cannot recall what, and which have been taken as a lump sum already. I cannot access the Online Banking, so while I know she topped up the current account when needed from a savings account, I have no idea how much is in there. Fearing looming poverty just makes me feel more helpless and even more desperate to talk to her - she would reassure me in seconds I am certain.

I know it sounds extreme and desperate, but last night, alone in the house, I honestly believe that if I had access to a gun, I would have used it. Previously I have never even considered that however bad things got, because she needed me so much. I also didn't want to go first and leave her, so there is that. But now, I feel as if I'm just spinning, and it wouldn't impact anyone much if I were taken off the board. I won't do anything like that, I'm too much of a coward, but the thoughts are awful.

I know that I have to get out and be with people and follow a routine as much as possible. On Wednesdays I go to a Board Games club, and I think I will force myself to. My mate has also said I can go to his on the way home and play some FIFA or something on the Nintendo. I don't know if it will help or just put a band aid on, but I have to try... I can't watch TV, as we would always binge shows and talk about them.

I'm hoping a couple of beers will chill and relax me a bit more tonight, as last night I must have been on adrenaline, and it didn't touch me. I'd be an expensive drunk if that was always the case!!

God, this ended up in a long venting! Sorry for rambling...
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Good morning P. Going by the time of your post I'm guessing you'll still be sleeping as I write this, but it looks as though you'll fit right in to this thread. I'm the only person in here with normal sleeping patterns.

Despite the circumstances of our call, I really enjoyed chatting to you last night. Things are going to be incredibly tough for you as you readjust to your new situation but I think I speak for everyone when I say that we're all here for you. Even if it's just for a chat.

Nothing will ever replace Janet, but at some stage you will learn to reset what you want from life and redefine what good is. It may take time but it will come. Take care mate. šŸ’™šŸ’™
 
Pilks said:
Hi all. Thanks for inviting me in here, I spoke with @Barnfred 55 earlier, who was telling me what a great place it is for support

Some of you might have seen my post about my wife. Short summation: she passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on Monday night while getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary, which it was (our afternoon reception was at Goodison on 8 June 1995). The way she passed was a little traumatic and disturbing (a sort of seizure and her heart stopped), and the image of it haunts me. They got her heart going again, but it stopped three more times, and she was pronounced with no brain activity in the hospital later.

She was disabled in recent years, following a rare and potentially fatal reaction general anaesthetic in 2003, and for the last dozen years or so she has used a wheelchair and I have been her full time carer. When I went out anywhere, I would always call to see if she was all right, let her know when I was on my way back, and then tell her all about what I'd been doing. My entire life revolved around her, and we were together at least 20 hours of every single day, and I am spiralling around a black hole now. We had no children and all of my immediate family are dead. She was estranged from hers. So the nights are spent alone.

Tonight I decided I had to get out and see people, so I went to the pub quiz league I play in. It was hard but I felt better for talking to people and telling them - and there were sandwiches so at least I ate something. But leaving was so hard, as normally as soon as I got in, she would ask 'Did you win? How many did you score? What questions did you get?', and now there is just the empty chair, no questions and no greeting. It seems empty and pointless. Going to bed with the empty side, with all of her soft toys that we used to joke about and give imaginary personalities to was gut-wrenching, and even with a few beers in me, sleep came late and fitfully. I put off the moment of getting back in by calling round to the friend who came to the hospital with me last night, but it only put off the inevitable. I'm sitting here with a lead weight in my chest at 2:30am (we were always night owls, she would often be awake for hours owing to pain, and would read in bed until the early hours, and we would both sleep until early afternoon. At this time I would be doing some work in my office (I'm a writer, which isn't as exciting, or as profitable, as it sounds), and each time I came out to go to the bathroom or get something I'd pop my head into the bedroom and ask if she needed anything etc. Looking at that bedroom now with the empty bed is horrible. The day is bad but the night is the worst.

I'm almost 64 (she was just about to turn 61 in a few days), and I haven't worked for about 14 years with being carer. Our income consists of her PIP and my carer's allowance, which will all go. As will the Motability car which we had, which panics me as to how I will afford another. She did all the financial affairs (that was 'her area', while I did all of the physical things), and I have realised I know shockingly little. We have pensions but I cannot recall what, and which have been taken as a lump sum already. I cannot access the Online Banking, so while I know she topped up the current account when needed from a savings account, I have no idea how much is in there. Fearing looming poverty just makes me feel more helpless and even more desperate to talk to her - she would reassure me in seconds I am certain.

I know it sounds extreme and desperate, but last night, alone in the house, I honestly believe that if I had access to a gun, I would have used it. Previously I have never even considered that however bad things got, because she needed me so much. I also didn't want to go first and leave her, so there is that. But now, I feel as if I'm just spinning, and it wouldn't impact anyone much if I were taken off the board. I won't do anything like that, I'm too much of a coward, but the thoughts are awful.

I know that I have to get out and be with people and follow a routine as much as possible. On Wednesdays I go to a Board Games club, and I think I will force myself to. My mate has also said I can go to his on the way home and play some FIFA or something on the Nintendo. I don't know if it will help or just put a band aid on, but I have to try... I can't watch TV, as we would always binge shows and talk about them.

I'm hoping a couple of beers will chill and relax me a bit more tonight, as last night I must have been on adrenaline, and it didn't touch me. I'd be an expensive drunk if that was always the case!!

God, this ended up in a long venting! Sorry for rambling...
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Also, and you probably already have this covered, but not many people come in this thread outside the regulars, so I think it's worth putting a little update in the thread you started. There's a lot of people out there rooting for you mate.
 
Pilks said:
Of course yes, her name was Janet
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I hope some of the support and words on here are in some way helping to fill the void that bereavement brings. Go to the board game, keep going out and talking to people, remember Janet and reflect on good times, take any band aid and distraction that you can and use them as a crutch as time lessens the pain of your loss. Don't feel bad or guilty if, during mourning, you laugh or enjoy moments - I'm sure Janet would want you to be happier and find those moments. Equally, if tears come, embrace them rather than hold them back - its part of the healing process.
 
Barnfred 55 said:
They are one of those bands that you either get or you don't as their songwriting doesn't follow conventional lines. It would help if you're an old prog rock fan like me as you tend to be more accepting of left field stuff. I'll post my fave later. It's from the old era when they had a male singer
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I hear flashes of left field bands that I have referenced here before (Divine Comedy/Duke Special) and could easily see a collaboration between them. However, I canā€™t find that one song to hang my hat on.
 

Armaghtoffee said:
I hear flashes of left field bands that I have referenced here before (Divine Comedy/Duke Special) and could easily see a collaboration between them. However, I canā€™t find that one song to hang my hat on.
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Depending on my mood I sometimes like to challenge my musical sensory and BCNR is one of many bands currently doing things a bit different with the instrumentality and unusual key/time changes and weird progressions. Other bands you may know are Squid and Black Midi. I'll dig out a couple of newer bands you won't know and see what you think.

Did you happen to catch me "new obsession ' I posted in here a couple of days ago?
 
Barnfred 55 said:
Depending on my mood I sometimes like to challenge my musical sensory and BCNR is one of many bands currently doing things a bit different with the instrumentality and unusual key/time changes and weird progressions. Other bands you may know are Squid and Black Midi. I'll dig out a couple of newer bands you won't know and see what you think.

Did you happen to catch me "new obsession ' I posted in here a couple of days ago?
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I know both Squid and Black Midi but missed your new obsession- who might that be then?
 

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