Barnfred 55
Player Valuation: £80m
I have to admit Anj I had more than a moment when I first read that. The similarities to what happened to me are uncanny.
Messymascot's faith in humanity and ginger safe haven
- Thread starter messymascot
- Start date
Gwladysover
Player Valuation: £35m
When I saw the thread title you were first on my mind, hope you are ok.
Barnfred 55
Player Valuation: £80m
I'm fine thanks H, after the initial reaction. My heart goes out to our friend though. The reality of his new existence will not have sunk in yet and probably won't for some time. Words can't adequately describe what he's going through.When I saw the thread title you were first on my mind, hope you are ok.
I immediately thought of you when I read it x
My heart bleeds for him ,if there is a small good out of this kind of news it is for you to realise how well you have coped yourself and how strong you have remained ,if you could bottle it it is the best thing he could ever get . I hope the sadness you feel now lasts a short time and you bounce back up .I think of you Fred and the good you did for me . Stay strong that man .
Pilks
Player Valuation: £8m
Hi all. Thanks for inviting me in here, I spoke with @Barnfred 55 earlier, who was telling me what a great place it is for support
Some of you might have seen my post about my wife. Short summation: she passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on Monday night while getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary, which it was (our afternoon reception was at Goodison on 8 June 1995). The way she passed was a little traumatic and disturbing (a sort of seizure and her heart stopped), and the image of it haunts me. They got her heart going again, but it stopped three more times, and she was pronounced with no brain activity in the hospital later.
She was disabled in recent years, following a rare and potentially fatal reaction general anaesthetic in 2003, and for the last dozen years or so she has used a wheelchair and I have been her full time carer. When I went out anywhere, I would always call to see if she was all right, let her know when I was on my way back, and then tell her all about what I'd been doing. My entire life revolved around her, and we were together at least 20 hours of every single day, and I am spiralling around a black hole now. We had no children and all of my immediate family are dead. She was estranged from hers. So the nights are spent alone.
Tonight I decided I had to get out and see people, so I went to the pub quiz league I play in. It was hard but I felt better for talking to people and telling them - and there were sandwiches so at least I ate something. But leaving was so hard, as normally as soon as I got in, she would ask 'Did you win? How many did you score? What questions did you get?', and now there is just the empty chair, no questions and no greeting. It seems empty and pointless. Going to bed with the empty side, with all of her soft toys that we used to joke about and give imaginary personalities to was gut-wrenching, and even with a few beers in me, sleep came late and fitfully. I put off the moment of getting back in by calling round to the friend who came to the hospital with me last night, but it only put off the inevitable. I'm sitting here with a lead weight in my chest at 2:30am (we were always night owls, she would often be awake for hours owing to pain, and would read in bed until the early hours, and we would both sleep until early afternoon. At this time I would be doing some work in my office (I'm a writer, which isn't as exciting, or as profitable, as it sounds), and each time I came out to go to the bathroom or get something I'd pop my head into the bedroom and ask if she needed anything etc. Looking at that bedroom now with the empty bed is horrible. The day is bad but the night is the worst.
I'm almost 64 (she was just about to turn 61 in a few days), and I haven't worked for about 14 years with being carer. Our income consists of her PIP and my carer's allowance, which will all go. As will the Motability car which we had, which panics me as to how I will afford another. She did all the financial affairs (that was 'her area', while I did all of the physical things), and I have realised I know shockingly little. We have pensions but I cannot recall what, and which have been taken as a lump sum already. I cannot access the Online Banking, so while I know she topped up the current account when needed from a savings account, I have no idea how much is in there. Fearing looming poverty just makes me feel more helpless and even more desperate to talk to her - she would reassure me in seconds I am certain.
I know it sounds extreme and desperate, but last night, alone in the house, I honestly believe that if I had access to a gun, I would have used it. Previously I have never even considered that however bad things got, because she needed me so much. I also didn't want to go first and leave her, so there is that. But now, I feel as if I'm just spinning, and it wouldn't impact anyone much if I were taken off the board. I won't do anything like that, I'm too much of a coward, but the thoughts are awful.
I know that I have to get out and be with people and follow a routine as much as possible. On Wednesdays I go to a Board Games club, and I think I will force myself to. My mate has also said I can go to his on the way home and play some FIFA or something on the Nintendo. I don't know if it will help or just put a band aid on, but I have to try... I can't watch TV, as we would always binge shows and talk about them.
I'm hoping a couple of beers will chill and relax me a bit more tonight, as last night I must have been on adrenaline, and it didn't touch me. I'd be an expensive drunk if that was always the case!!
God, this ended up in a long venting! Sorry for rambling...
Some of you might have seen my post about my wife. Short summation: she passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on Monday night while getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary, which it was (our afternoon reception was at Goodison on 8 June 1995). The way she passed was a little traumatic and disturbing (a sort of seizure and her heart stopped), and the image of it haunts me. They got her heart going again, but it stopped three more times, and she was pronounced with no brain activity in the hospital later.
She was disabled in recent years, following a rare and potentially fatal reaction general anaesthetic in 2003, and for the last dozen years or so she has used a wheelchair and I have been her full time carer. When I went out anywhere, I would always call to see if she was all right, let her know when I was on my way back, and then tell her all about what I'd been doing. My entire life revolved around her, and we were together at least 20 hours of every single day, and I am spiralling around a black hole now. We had no children and all of my immediate family are dead. She was estranged from hers. So the nights are spent alone.
Tonight I decided I had to get out and see people, so I went to the pub quiz league I play in. It was hard but I felt better for talking to people and telling them - and there were sandwiches so at least I ate something. But leaving was so hard, as normally as soon as I got in, she would ask 'Did you win? How many did you score? What questions did you get?', and now there is just the empty chair, no questions and no greeting. It seems empty and pointless. Going to bed with the empty side, with all of her soft toys that we used to joke about and give imaginary personalities to was gut-wrenching, and even with a few beers in me, sleep came late and fitfully. I put off the moment of getting back in by calling round to the friend who came to the hospital with me last night, but it only put off the inevitable. I'm sitting here with a lead weight in my chest at 2:30am (we were always night owls, she would often be awake for hours owing to pain, and would read in bed until the early hours, and we would both sleep until early afternoon. At this time I would be doing some work in my office (I'm a writer, which isn't as exciting, or as profitable, as it sounds), and each time I came out to go to the bathroom or get something I'd pop my head into the bedroom and ask if she needed anything etc. Looking at that bedroom now with the empty bed is horrible. The day is bad but the night is the worst.
I'm almost 64 (she was just about to turn 61 in a few days), and I haven't worked for about 14 years with being carer. Our income consists of her PIP and my carer's allowance, which will all go. As will the Motability car which we had, which panics me as to how I will afford another. She did all the financial affairs (that was 'her area', while I did all of the physical things), and I have realised I know shockingly little. We have pensions but I cannot recall what, and which have been taken as a lump sum already. I cannot access the Online Banking, so while I know she topped up the current account when needed from a savings account, I have no idea how much is in there. Fearing looming poverty just makes me feel more helpless and even more desperate to talk to her - she would reassure me in seconds I am certain.
I know it sounds extreme and desperate, but last night, alone in the house, I honestly believe that if I had access to a gun, I would have used it. Previously I have never even considered that however bad things got, because she needed me so much. I also didn't want to go first and leave her, so there is that. But now, I feel as if I'm just spinning, and it wouldn't impact anyone much if I were taken off the board. I won't do anything like that, I'm too much of a coward, but the thoughts are awful.
I know that I have to get out and be with people and follow a routine as much as possible. On Wednesdays I go to a Board Games club, and I think I will force myself to. My mate has also said I can go to his on the way home and play some FIFA or something on the Nintendo. I don't know if it will help or just put a band aid on, but I have to try... I can't watch TV, as we would always binge shows and talk about them.
I'm hoping a couple of beers will chill and relax me a bit more tonight, as last night I must have been on adrenaline, and it didn't touch me. I'd be an expensive drunk if that was always the case!!
God, this ended up in a long venting! Sorry for rambling...
peteblue
Welcome back Wayne
There’s no need for any apologies in here mate. I too am a full time carer for my wife who has acute Alzheimer’s and is unable to communicate or do anything for herself as well as having incontinence as a result. I know I’m going to go through what you are going through at some point in time. My respite comes from a few hours that I spend with my friends, many of whom lost their partners last year, while my son looks after my wife for an hour or two. Being with other people greatly aids my friends to get over the grief of the death of a partner. What you’ve been through must have been really hard especially with a sudden death. In this thread we tend to share our difficulties and everyone attempts to give support, which is why the thread even exists. There are some lovely people in here who will all want to help you through this challenging period of your life. None of us can really tell you how to cope with this unpleasant situation, but some snippets will make sense. As I posted in your thread I am desperately sorry for you, but I hope we can help in any small way we can. Pete…….
Whoa ,how you must feel I have no idea ,you have taken the first steps by opening up and sharing .There are a multitude of people you can go to seek help but on here we will never judge just try to help . I have the honour of putting @Barnfred 55 's name in the hat for all reasons and I would think he could help more than most even with the banking . I know it must feel hopeless at the moment but it is not as your wife would not want you to suffer as she did .Would you be so kind to share her first name with us ? We feel it helps to show how much strangers really can care . Stay strong that man.
Pilks
Player Valuation: £8m
Of course yes, her name was Janet
Well @Pilks whether you intended to or not you have helped a few on here I think .I too do the graft and the wife the finances and I suspect quite a few on here might be in the same boat . It is frightening to face life as you have to now but there is a way through . One of the ladies will have help to sort you out with some of the things us men don't understand !
I live in Finland now hence the unearthly hours you will find me posting but I am Scouse born and bred ,I did stray as far as Wigan before I was swept off my feet by a Finnish lady whilst in the South of Spain ,I am an old joiner and one of the oldest on here ,most are around the same age as you and will extract your taste in all kinds of things from music to well I couldn't list all as I don't have enough paper ! We all try hard to respect each other although there are sometimes a tete a tete one will back down / realise and apologise .
All subjects allowed in the forum are on here but if it gets a bit too deep we like it to continue in private or on the correct thread as we like an easy time ,well I do at least .
You are welcome share as much as you feel you want with no pressure to do more except for alchoholic preference and as said before music ,you will learn about other sports such as ice hockey from me and lots of different ones from @Armaghtoffee whose feet are never still ,you will learn the finer arts of living in Kernow drinking all manner of gins and I mean that all manner along with all kind of other matters ,sore body parts ,how to treat dogs/ cats et al.
A belated welcome to the thread and for sure you are , the memory of Janet will be with us all every time you post .
Morning Pilks, welcome to this fine upstanding thread on the greatest little spot on the internet.
I will remember Janet and you in my prayers but know that on here we all have your back.
Gwladysover
Player Valuation: £35m
No need for apologies here, our friend Karl’s (aka Messymascot) hope was that this thread would become a virtual coffee shop, although he hated coffee! This is exactly what it has become, a place to meet friends, share hopes, memories, worries and generally chew the fat. I’m one of the older posters here and an Evertonian by adoption, since watching the Cup Final in 1966, I know difficult to believe, I don’t look old enough! Will be good to have to you and the memory your lovely Janet on board, great name by the way, although mine has an extra “te”
Hello. I am truly sorry for the loss of your wife. You must still be in shock , let alone grieving for your lovely lady. Im really glad you have made contact- GOT is a fine place and so supportive when folk need it. Keep checking in. On a practical level, after my Dad passed away, I was pleasantly surprised at how helpful his banks were when my brother and I, as his executors, were sorting his finances out. Give your bank a call. I was also surprised that they have dedicated bereavement teams. Im sure they will help you.
Please go to your board games club - it will do you good, and I really want to know what games you play! I have a friend who is well into board games - mostly fantasy or world domination ones. Some of them seem to take weeks to be over. I haven't got past Monopoly and Risk! X
Good morning all. Im making my second foray into the world of yoga this morning. I'll let you know how it goes
. This will be followed by a visit to a local garden centre for some new plants - they've got a half price sale on. I've had to bribe Mr F to come with me to do the heavy lifting. Ive promised him lunch in the very nice cafe and sausages from the farm shop that is also on site. He's a cheap date!
Have a lovely day everyone x
. This will be followed by a visit to a local garden centre for some new plants - they've got a half price sale on. I've had to bribe Mr F to come with me to do the heavy lifting. Ive promised him lunch in the very nice cafe and sausages from the farm shop that is also on site. He's a cheap date!Have a lovely day everyone x
Mate , I was so saddened reading your message.
It could and has happened to all of us. @Barnfred 55 , well you know his story. I'm the same age as you. My wife had a stroke when she was 32 and subsequently 2 open heart surgeries. The surgeon was quite frank , there was a chance that she may not survive , thankfully she did and is healthy and well but my God did I go to some dark places. Others in our group will have had different experiences, no less traumatic.
So we have some understanding of what you are going through and will be here to help in some small way.
You can do this.
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