My wife died suddenly, and I'm not doing well...

[chicoazul]

Condolences mate, no words really for what you experienced and what you must feel now.

I’m sure others can give more relevant and better advice but it’s a good sign you put yourself out there to share how you’re feeling with others, expressing ourselves during grief and talking out the tangled threads in our head helps settle things over time. And that’s the second bit, time, it heals.

Reach out to those who love you, lean on others during the weeks and months ahead in particular. Be kind to yourself mate, you’ve been through a real lot there.

 

[Pootsy]

Wow! 30 years married and you had the strength to keep your vows and help her through her disability in her recent life as her Carer. You are more of a man than a lot of people out and about there. I doff my cap to you and offer you my sincerest condolences.

Unfortunately I have no experience so my advice is free to be tossed aside, After you get your emotions back into check a bit and feel you can face the outside world again as a widower, I would look for groups of like minded people close to you. Maybe something like Man Sheds (link below). It'll be all about finding a group where you know you don't have to be alone. Where you can continue your journey. God Speed @Pilks

Man Sheds Association

 

[Jokerdan]

There are probably not enough words to describe what you're going through but my thoughts are with you and your lovely lady at this very sad time. And lots of great advice and support from our brother's/sisters in Blue so know you are not alone and we are all part of an extended family who will grieve with you as one of our own.

 

[degsy]

Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

Ive been there myself, I've experienced the sudden shock.
Keep hold of all you memories, but don't let them hold you back.
Every couple is different and I can only speak for myself, but she probably wouldn’t want to you to be miserable for ever.
One day at a time.

 

[The binman chronicles]

So sorry to hear of your loss. I'd hope there are some local support groups for people in your situation. Just to get out and talk to others and know you're not alone would be a good first step.

 

[John from Bootle]

Life can be so cruel. No words are gonna help, it's gonna be long process. Try to make sure you eat properly (i know it can be difficult) and keep talking to people.

Are you from Liverpool? . If you feel like you can't go out is there anything you need? I'm not volunteering to come visit you btw, I'd feel a bit creepy doing that as I'm not that well known around these parts but I'm sure there's more established posters who many would give the nod of approval to come and visit you.

 

[Rich1878]

My sincere condolences to you.

I cant even think of the right words to say how you must be feeling right now.

We are all thinking of you

Im sure your lovely wife will be smiling down at you

 

[peteblue]

@Pilks , desperately sorry to hear of your loss. I have a dozen friends, husbands and wives, who used to meet up several times a week in our local. Last year, five of their partners died two wives in very similar circumstances to your own. We all still meet up regularly through the week but now it’s more of a support and therapy meet up. Every partner who lost their other half have been dealing with it differently and over different time scales. There is no simple answer to dealing with such grief, but the one thing that did seem to help was speaking with others who they knew would look out for them and give any support if requested. It’s incredibly early days for you and you have a lot of grieving to deal with and get used to, look to your friends to help you through this…god bless………..

 

[marnie]

Mate,gutted for you.Always a pm away if you need to talk xxx

 

[Exeter_Gently]

Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

So sorry to hear this mate.

One thing I would say is this forum is definitely a place where you can seek solace and there is always someone on hand for a chat.X

 

[tommye]

Are you from Liverpool? . If you feel like you can't go out is there anything you need? I'm not volunteering to come visit you btw, I'd feel a bit creepy doing that as I'm not that well known around these parts but I'm sure there's more established posters who many would give the nod of approval to come and visit you.

This as well.
Live in Liverpool but work in Manchester/Oldham/Blackpool/Fleetwood most days so if you're anywhere between I can swing by if you need anything. Shopping, some help with stuff around the house, a natter, whatever.
Just message me.
I'm mobile and any excuse to get out the house for an hour is a good one.

 

[LostLegend]

My sincerest condolences to you.

I have no idea how you must be feeling right now so will echo what others have said. Talking about it is a positive step forward, give yourself time and space to grieve and most importantly take care of yourself

 

[mahermi1]

I am so,so sorry to hear about this mate, my heart goes out to you, important to grieve but things do get better over time. Years ago we lost our second Child during Childbirth, at that time we thought it was the end of the World, but it is true what they say, time is a healer, you never forget, but you can get over it. It's good that you are talking about it, it's the first step of many to come.

 

[NathDogg]

So, so sorry for your loss @Pilks. Your missus sounds like a wonderful woman. You did everything you could do for her.

Keep on talking mate, some absolutely boss people on here who are much more articulate than I, who will defo help you.

Make sure you look after yourself as well mate, I know it may be difficult but she wouldn’t want you getting sick. Make sure you eat and if you’re in the Liverpool area drop us a DM, I’ll do what I can, whenever I can, even if it’s just to laugh with you at the rs, which you absolutely need to keep doing mate.

All the best and take care.

 

[verreauxi]

So very sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength and resolve. You've lost your wife, and with her part of your identity and routine. It's a lot to deal with but focus on the best memories and take time for yourself.