My wife died suddenly, and I'm not doing well...

Pilks · Tuesday at 4:16 AM

Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

BlueTX · Tuesday at 4:31 AM

Pilks said:
Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

Please do not apologize for sharing your story. It's important for healing and this is an amazing community that will no doubt rally to your side in your moment of need.

You are not alone. Keep reaching out for assistance with the grieving process. Stay strong, mate, and good on you for being such a loving partner.

Gwladys St. Glory · Tuesday at 4:48 AM

Pilks said:
Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

You are doing well; as a man, you're opening up and that's half the battle in our world. But, in a bout of tough love (welcome to Manville) I'd suggest a better method is doing it with "real" people...as they say, never self-medicate via the internet. It can be a good first step but take another one so you can continue walking the path of life. May I also suggest acquiring a shelter pet, if possible. It will prove mutually beneficial for both of you in the long run. I wish you peace of mind, going forward.

West Side Charlie · Tuesday at 5:04 AM

Take care of yourself buddy, my thoughts are with you.

sdk · Tuesday at 5:04 AM

Condolences and all strength to you. Your love will sustain you. Just breathe for now.

bluerobert · Tuesday at 5:29 AM

My deepest condolences mate, I can’t pretend to know what’s running through your head at the moment. All you can do right now is grieve and knowing this forum we will be here for you when you’re feeling low, missing her or just need somebody to chat to at those times when you feel lost and don’t know what to do with yourself

SerenityNigh · Tuesday at 5:39 AM

Pilks said:
Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

Alright mate, don’t apologize for sharing, that’s the entire point of a place like this. Many won’t know what to say or some won’t understand how this feels but that’s ok. We can all listen.

I don’t know where you are but I do know there are those near you who can help as well, even if helping is just sitting near and listening. Take care mate, from Louisiana to wherever you are right now.

-Micah

Sadken · Tuesday at 5:57 AM

As mentioned above, look into getting a dog, it will get you out the house and meet other dog walkers, dogs are good companions, also look around for voluntary work.

Dddddd · Tuesday at 6:32 AM

Sorry to hear about your wife Pilks.

It’s going to take time to get your head around it and adjust, I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to talk about it.

Hang in there mate, things will get easier.

Littlesue · Tuesday at 6:34 AM

Sorry to hear your awful news, such a shock when loved ones die suddenly. Keep talking and sharing xx

datblygu · Tuesday at 6:38 AM

It's normal and natural to want to share this and I'm sure you're going through a rollercoaster of emotions right now. Can I suggest getting in touch with Cruse (https://www.cruse.org.uk/)? They offer counselling and other forms of support during bereavement. Take care mate.

Hinchcliffe's Corner · Tuesday at 6:40 AM

I am so sorry for your loss

Bilko · Tuesday at 6:41 AM

Hey,so sorry for your loss , give yourself some time to grieve and heal, There is a community on here who will be able to aid you in the coming days and months.
I would just offer one bit of advice if I could, get yourself to a GP, I struggled in my life for a couple of years with loneliness and depression after a similar life incident ,it wasn't until I got medical help that I turned a corner.
Medication got me on an even Keel,and balanced my mental health. Take care buddy,I will be thinking of you.

chrismpw · Tuesday at 6:46 AM

Awww man,that's hard. So sorry for your loss and the trauma of having to cope with it in that way. At least she was with you when it happened and you had the chance to try to do something.

You're not alone - there are hundreds on this site who will listen and offer support. As well as that, in time, try to get out snd do something, join a club etc. I joined a bowls club recently and theres a fair few members there who joined up after a spouse passed on.

We'll have to keep taking the mick out of the rs then, to bring you some cheer.