My wife died suddenly, and I'm not doing well...

[Billy Dean]

So sorry for your loss Pilks, my sincere condolences.

My Mum lost her partner to a sudden heart attack and she was the one being talked through CPR until the ambulance arrived. She was in a bad way and was referred to counselling on the NHS. She said it helped her immensely to process the whole thing, both the loss itself and the manner of it.

 

[PKwalnuts]

@Pilks sorry for your loss, and so suddenly. The worst kind but if will get easier to cope with in time. Keep logging on just to keep your mind off the worst thoughts amd feelings when it's too much. You have comradery here that is rare. Take care of you now for a bit

 

[paultheblue]

Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

Don't apologise mate ,that's terrible life can be so cruel all you can do is take one day at a time , take any help offered to you with the funeral ect and try and look after yourself.

 

[Sarnia Kevin]

This strikes a chord with me. My wife died suddenly 21 years ago, I was fortunate having close friends and family as well as an understanding employer to help me through the pain. I've lost several friends and family members since then but losing your closest partner does hit deep.

 

[GrandOldTeam]

Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

Very sorry to hear this @Pilks

Keep talking, keep sharing.

 

[GoldenToffee]

Sorry to hear this awful news. No point in saying I hope you're doing well, but I hope in time you'll be able to heal and it will not hurt as badly as it does now. All the best mate.

 

[coleman’s mustard]

Sincere condolences Pilks.
Breath in and out
Find a place or places where you can be with real people and try to find stuff to laugh at.
A dog would be good for mind and body.
Time is the best healer
All our thoughts are with you

 

[Bryan+]

Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

Hiya mate. I hope you're doing ok, i lost my missus a few years ago very suddenly to COVID, i am devastated to read this, you can DM if you want and ill be around to chat, i hope you have at least someone to reach out to if you need it, you're amongst very good people here, look after yourself.

 

[SJB]

So sorry for your loss @Pilks ,and under traumatic circumstances too. I hope in time you can find some comfort from being with her and that you looked after her for right till the end. It sounds like you were a great couple who, in spite of the difficulties life threw at you, always managed to find a joke and share a laugh.

One day at a time mate, and as others have said, keep talking - this forum is pretty much 24/7 so you can reach out to fellow blues anytime for some support, to get things off your chest, or just for a bit of company to try to lift your spirits. And always remember, your Wife will want you to look after yourself now as well as you looked after her for all those years. Sending much love.

 

[Connor]

So sorry for your loss mate. This is devastating to read.

Can only echo what so many others have said, take it one day at a time and talk. Talking really is the best way to do with it. We lost my grandparents on my mum's side quite quickly, one after the other a few years ago, they weren't exactly old. Talking my parents through it at times was the only way they could go back to work, go the shop, normal life things. But, it gets better. Trust in that belief.

 

[Barnfred 55]

Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

My friend, I nearly choked when I first read this as it's practically a carbon copy of what happened to me not 4 years past. So much of our circumstances are mirrored too, so I have a good feel for what you are going through right now.

At the time, I also reached out to this forum through the depression thread and was overwhelmed by the response I received from the great people of GOT. It certainly helped me through those initial stages and the longer term recovery process, because that is what it is mate. A recovery process.

I'm guessing you just feel totally numb at the moment, as if you're in a vacuum and quite possibly in denial. Those feelings are normal as is talking to your good lady. I still speak to Cal daily nearly 4 years on and I'm sure anybody in my situation will tell you the same. You aren't going mad.

The best advice I can give you at the moment is to keep talking to people and sharing your feelings. Don't bottle things in. Do you have friends you can speak to. Even old ones who you maybe haven't been in touch with for a while. People will rally round. And keep sharing in here. I believe one of my pals has already sent you a link to a thread with like minded people. And I'll PM you with my contact details should you wish to reach out to me.

Sending you lots of

 

[bcblue1878]

Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

Absolutely no need for you to apologise! So sorry to hear news about your wife!
It’s great that you felt able to post about it here, keep posting about it whenever you need to - I’m sure everyone on here will be here for you!
Take care, and look after yourself!

 

[tsubaki]

Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

So sorry to hear this, but thanks for posting it. It’s an overused thing, almost a cliche at this point but that line from the late Queen about grief being the price we pay for love seems never more apt than here.

 

[Groucho]

Christ on a bike mate hope you pull through.

That’s tough on anyone.

 

[Joey66]

Sorry if this doesn't belong (not an Ale House topic maybe), but I wanted to reach out to a group of like minded Blues who I have enjoyed interacting with for over a decade now

Last night (Monday), my wife died suddenly and rather unpleasantly. It was our 30th wedding anniversary, and we were just getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate when she had a kind of awful seizure and keeled over in the chair. I was talked through doing CPR until the ambulance arrived, but to no avail. They restarted the heart, but there was no brain activity and she passed.

I'd been her full time carer since she became disabled some years ago, and to be honest my life pretty much revolved around her. We were rarely apart for more than a few hours at most, and even now I feel the need stupidly to tell her about what's happened! Having no family left and no kids, I'm alone in the empty house now, full of her half-done things, and it's very hard to even imagine coping.

Wonder whether anyone else has gone through something similar? I never, ever envisaged this feeling even when my parents and my younger sister died. Everything is an empty hole.

Apologies for bringing things down - one of the things we loved to do together was laugh at the RS, I would often read her particularly funny posts from on here. Everything like that is hard to think about now...

So sad, my condolences go out to you - I depend 100% on my wife & my older son - I shudder to think how I would deal with a loss like yours - but they say time is a healer that old one liner - but sometimes people say it works , but everybody's circumstances are different - Give your self time & try & ask for an advocate in your family or a friend to see you through this difficult time - do not rebuff help in any way -
You say you are in an empty hole that is a normal thing to think under the sad circumstances remember it is a normal reaction for any one in such a sad event - So you have every right to feel how you do - DM people on here who you are close to if you feel it will help you - & seek help from anywhere
My heart is with you God Bless