James would be the best player by a mile in an Everton 5 a side team. Unfortunately, the full size pitch is too big for him especially as his calf’s are made of jelly and he has a pea for a heart. He often became a complete passenger in an 11 a side contest. Without the ball, which we were seemingly coached by Ancelotti to pretend was a hornets nest, covered in diarrhoea and hiding a live grenade, the team were at best 10 people with legs that work a lot slower than the other team.
None of the elite teams in the league want or would indulge him, he simply doesn’t work hard enough. I loved watching his few moments of brilliance, something I have seldom seen anyone in an Everton shirt produce but this league is too hard for him, there are too many athletes and he far too often looks like a World Cup winning octogenarian in an u18 league.
watching the opposition slugs breeze passed James as if they were peak Usain Bolt is never going to be a recipe for a winning team, it leaves the other players, who are mostly dog-dirt, with too much to do.
farewell James, thanks for the memories. Twitch it up