Now's your chance mate - go for it
BELOW IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK
It was my first lads holiday without a missus. I'd gone to Kavos the year previous and had the opportunity to disappoint a number of nice young girls - but as you've seen from previous posts I'm a classy gent so didn't ever take them up on their offer.
This time round I was free and single, and quite determined to get my 'holiday moment' that everyone brags about.
We had been in a bar called Baywatch in BCM square, and this slightly chubby bird came over trying to blag us to buy her 2 euro jagerbombs. It was our first night so we obviously got a round in, she gave me a little smile and wandered off into the distance.
She came back later that night and proceeded to tell me she thought I was 'cute' and asking did I have a girlfriend - I said "I'm not falling for these games, I'm not buying another shot". She leaned him and gave me a kiss, and fuckked off again. I thought nothing of it at all and carried on my evening.
To cut a long story short, I saw her on the next three nights on the bounce in the same bar and we ended up proper powernecking in the middle of this bar - mid kiss she gets a hand full of my manhood so I knew I was onto a winner.
Later that night I headed into BCM - it's a big [Poor language removed] off nightclub absolutely packed with wet wipes from across the UK - groups of lads from Dundee and birds from Brighton everywhere. You pay about 20 euros to get in and get free drinks all night in pathetic slim glasses, so it takes you about 30 mins to get served and you're only allowed two at a time.
I hatched a cunning plan and went to the very back of the club away from the chaos to get a quick drink and the next minute I felt a pinch on my arse. The jager monster must have finished work, and decided she wanted a late night snack. After chatting [Poor language removed] to her for about 10 minutes she promptly asked me "Do you want to stay the night at mine" - I thought YES! Here's my big moment. I replied "Yeah definitely".
She looked me dead in the eye, necked her drink and slammed her glass onto the bar and grabbed my hand and led me out the building. She was keen to get beasted.
We got outside and started walking to her apartment, she explained she had been here for a few months and had brought a lad home every single night. If she has to have a conversation with her future husband about "so, what number are you on?" - I swear to God she won't be far off 1000.
As we walked further into the grim streets, we walked further and further away from the main square. We ended up at one of those smackhead tower blocks - I genuinely thought I was going to have to bail because it was rough as anything. As we walked up the concrete steps, it was revealed her next door neighbour was a 'lucky lucky' man. Genuinely, one of those mad African fellas' who sell whistles and scream "Chicken Nuggets" - it was him.
We got into the apartment and it pans out she lives with 3 other girls, who hadn't been in the apartment. She offered me a drink and a cigarette and I sat on her flatmates sofa bed type thing with a can of Summersby Cider and a Marlboro gold. For some reason, she proceeded to tell me she gets tested all the time and the only thing she has had is thrush. I'm onto a winner here.
Anyway, she stands up and takes her dress/top thing off to unveil a pair of humongous tits (to be fair to her, they were huge) and ledas me through a curtain into what was her bedroom - no [Poor language removed] door at all. Dodgey.
We get going and straight away I found out she was game as a badger - really loud, dripping wet and also (another first in my life) she had her clit pierced. I got lost in the moment and dived into her without wearing a nodder - I realized after about 20 seconds and decided I had sealed my fate so I had to deal with the consequences.
She wasn't fat, but she had some meat on her - decent snatch and boss tits - I was happy enough to avoid the fact she was a man head.
I tried really hard, like I said this was my big moment and I was terrified I was going to burst early. Luckily, I was so full of BCM's sex on the beach that didn't happen.
As she got on top of me, I went abit wild and throw my finger right inside her hoop. She moaned and stopped moving - I thought "Oh God I've fuckked it here".
She looked at me, completely expressionless and asked (in these exact words) - "Do you like bums?". I was shocked and probably answered like an absolute nerd and said "yeah, of course" - she jumped off me and got on all 4's and said "throw it in my arse then". (Those are the words I think about to this day).
The first fear came into my head was she was an absolute munter, so if I go inside her bum I'm probably getting aids. I squeamishly asked did she have any condoms for this one and it was like the scene out of a film - without looking she opened her drawer and whipped out a roll of Johnnys that unraveled onto the floor with every shape, flavor and size you could ever imagine. I picked one up, popped it on and put it in her bottom.
I felt absolutely top of the world, that moment as I'm penetrating her sphincter (or anyone's for the first time actually) I felt like a porn star. She was lovin' it too, she was filthy. She would turn round and put my piece in her mouth for a bit and then bend back over.
Then, it got weird. The front door opens and her mates pile into the living room - about 6/7 girls. She jumps up bollock naked with her arsehole gaping to sell hello to her mates and rips the curtain open. I'm on my knees with a rock on, shaking like a smackhead as she says to her mates "what do you think of this one" - all the girls literally examined me, bollock naked and congratulated her on a 'decent one'.
She closed the curtain, back on 4 knees and asked me to "[Poor language removed] her hard". She must have got off on it, and she started screaming as her mates where just meters away - laughter in the living room as they were shouting "slow down lad it'll be over soon".
Ultimately it was - I spaffed my load in her bum and hit the bed like a sack of bricks. Weirdly, she lay down next to me for a cuddle. We had a cigarette and a little chat - I then realised I'd been away for hours without a phone and the lads may be getting slightly worried.
My knees and legs were absolutely shaking, I got up to get my clothes back on and she said "Do you not want to stay the night so we can go again" - I explained that I was a bit lost and had to go find my mates - she stayed on the bed, opened her legs and started going to town on herself - that itself got me going again so I dived back in for round two (no bum fun this time).
When I eventually got out of there I felt ill, so dizzy and probably riddled with the HIV I found a sandwich shop open in the middle of Magaluf at 6am.
I was rooming with my mate, so I picked up both up a butty and got into my hotel about half 6. He woke up and said "where the [Poor language removed] have you been" - I replied " I'll explain tomorrow but you will not believe me. Oh, and I got you a butty".
