Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[larbert toffee]

Habit I suppose.

It was a friendship that turned into something a lot more.

Now it is just manipulation.

Everytime something bad happens, I think of all the good times. That's not to say they're the same person now as they was then.

Relationships where you know it isn't good for you never end well.take a short term hit walk away and start afresh, it will be difficult to start with but each day you resist will make you stronger and you will eventually meet someone else and look back on yourself in this situation as a different person.

 

[gorgeousgeorgeEFC]

ok mate.

you mentioned you were retired, so what do you do normally of a day? What do you occupy yourself with?

Not a great deal. I tend to sit about ruminating a lot of the time.

 

[gorgeousgeorgeEFC]

Ok mate we know you you're retried and you don't live alone,for starters as previously suggested please talk to someone about how you're feeling and move forward from there,you've been decorating so I presume you are fairly able,would a part time job help you get out and meet people and occupy your mind more? voluntary work ,help in the community,simple long walks getting you out and about exercising your body and mind.

I will be retiring in 3 years and I'm trying to think ahead,from doing little or no exercise in May I started walking miles at a time in the local neighbourhood,landmarks and countryside which I am fortunate to live next to,it gave me time to think away from my normal routine,made me feel better about myself and I've lost a stone and a half into the bargain,I certainly feel more that life is worth living than I ever did.

Good luck George we are right here with you,make small positive steps forward and it is possible to see things a lot clearer and change things for the better but please talk to someone who you can confide in and help you,keep us posted.

Much appreciated mate. I will try some of the things that you and @Ashtonian suggested and keep you posted!

 

[Ashtonian]

It's all the big stuff that's coming up in the future, that's playing on your mind Ash. It's only natural for it to pop into your dreams. It'll go once your married.

Or maybe you could start a special @Ashtonian dreams thread to help yourself ?

I do have weird dreams. when they aren't negative they are weird and probably entertaining to hear about haha

I'll tell you my horror one sometime

 

[Ashtonian]

Not a great deal. I tend to sit about ruminating a lot of the time.

In short, there is your problem.

Because you aren't being as active or engaging then over time it starts to take an effect on you. To relate to myself, i would get to the weekends and wouldn't be arsed going anywhere and visiting my mum was a massive effort on my part. You don't notice at first but over time you then realise just how lethargic and negative you become on that front.

If you want a bit more motivation about things, then give yourself a reason to have it. no idea what your interests are but pursue them a lot more. go out a lot more, visiting places, going for a day in a random park somewhere, anything along those lines, just when you can get out then do it. You need to put the energy back into your life to change your perspective. I know because i was the same, negative and doing the whole what is the point in doing that frame of mind about things as trivial in the house.

In short, instead of making your home a prison, make it a starting point for the day. This might be a small change to you rather than a big one but tghe reason why i focus on it is because without work, you probably have lost purpose and in a knock on effect then become negative and lost in your own thoughts. I mean i was off work for 5 weeks with my hand several months ago and i was itching to go back to work, and i don't particularly enjoy going to work!

Does this sound anything relevant to you mate? I know it might sound small but the impact it can have sometimes is largely unnoticeable as i learned from my own experiences.

 

[larbert toffee]

Much appreciated mate. I will try some of the things that you and @Ashtonian suggested and keep you posted!

Brilliant George, you sound more positive already, I endorse everything that Ash, @Ashtonian advised (he's brilliant on this thread and should give up his day job) onwards and upwards mate.

 

[Ashtonian]

It's all the big stuff that's coming up in the future, that's playing on your mind Ash. It's only natural for it to pop into your dreams. It'll go once your married.

Or maybe you could start a special @Ashtonian dreams thread to help yourself ?

To be honest mate, a better reply this is now lol

what concerns me is that during i'm awake, i don't worry about these things. I don't worry about the wedding or anything, a small part of me hopes that it stays secret and obviously worried that it goes well but even then i am not arsed about getting married. Only reason i booked it in all honesty was because it was important to her, so obviously i wasn't going to be an arsehole after 8 years and still drag my feet haha

so yeah, i am worried that it doesn't affect me during the day. I'm the type of person who is laid back, i don't worry about anything or let anything get to me. I do have thoughts about stuff, which i do share on here but that is like anyone, other than that i don't concern myself so for it to come out subconsciously is a bit concerning as whatever the trigger is, wedding or otherwise, i'm not consciously dealing with it, if that makes sense?

Side note, another thing that could be worrying me is that my stag do is next week and up to now i have no-one to go. I have family members like father in law and borthers in law sure, plus my best man but away from that he hasn't invited anyone and i guess what may be bothering me is i haven't really got anyone to invite. 2 of my mates are away next week, a third no-one really contacts and bar one more person there isn't many people i can invite. Over the years i lost contact with a lot of people as being a parent meant i didn't have time, only stayed in touch with a select number who i was closest to. but yeah, right now, it is a birthday night out for my father in law with me and my best man tagging along....

I know that isn't in theme of the thread and it sounds silly, but yeah, perhaps its things like that which is making me subconsciously anxious?

 

[larbert toffee]

To be honest mate, a better reply this is now lol

what concerns me is that during i'm awake, i don't worry about these things. I don't worry about the wedding or anything, a small part of me hopes that it stays secret and obviously worried that it goes well but even then i am not arsed about getting married. Only reason i booked it in all honesty was because it was important to her, so obviously i wasn't going to be an arsehole after 8 years and still drag my feet haha

so yeah, i am worried that it doesn't affect me during the day. I'm the type of person who is laid back, i don't worry about anything or let anything get to me. I do have thoughts about stuff, which i do share on here but that is like anyone, other than that i don't concern myself so for it to come out subconsciously is a bit concerning as whatever the trigger is, wedding or otherwise, i'm not consciously dealing with it, if that makes sense?

Side note, another thing that could be worrying me is that my stag do is next week and up to now i have no-one to go. I have family members like father in law and borthers in law sure, plus my best man but away from that he hasn't invited anyone and i guess what may be bothering me is i haven't really got anyone to invite. 2 of my mates are away next week, a third no-one really contacts and bar one more person there isn't many people i can invite. Over the years i lost contact with a lot of people as being a parent meant i didn't have time, only stayed in touch with a select number who i was closest to. but yeah, right now, it is a birthday night out for my father in law with me and my best man tagging along....

I know that isn't in theme of the thread and it sounds silly, but yeah, perhaps its things like that which is making me subconsciously anxious?

Like @COYBL25 suggested you will be thinking about so much at the moment your head will be spinning with it all and your brain never sleeps.I get allsorts of weird subconscious dreams when things are piling up at either work or home or both and these cause me anxiety so I do feel for you a little but at least you know what is causing it,once you have dealt with your family matters plus your wedding they will disappear but your new missus will be able to officially nag you and believe me that will keep your mind occupied.

 

[Ashtonian]

Like @COYBL25 suggested you will be thinking about so much at the moment your head will be spinning with it all and your brain never sleeps.I get allsorts of weird subconscious dreams when things are piling up at either work or home or both and these cause me anxiety so I do feel for you a little but at least you know what is causing it,once you have dealt with your family matters plus your wedding they will disappear but your new missus will be able to officially nag you and believe me that will keep your mind occupied.

haha i have been married in all but name for years now. Nothing will change, still waiting at the door for me to get in from seeing mates haha

 

[larbert toffee]

haha i have been married in all but name for years now. Nothing will change, still waiting at the door for me to get in from seeing mates haha

Haha my young friend I really wish you all the best with all your coming arrangements,you are as mad as a hatter and we love you for it.

 

[COYBL25]

To be honest mate, a better reply this is now lol

what concerns me is that during i'm awake, i don't worry about these things. I don't worry about the wedding or anything, a small part of me hopes that it stays secret and obviously worried that it goes well but even then i am not arsed about getting married. Only reason i booked it in all honesty was because it was important to her, so obviously i wasn't going to be an arsehole after 8 years and still drag my feet haha

so yeah, i am worried that it doesn't affect me during the day. I'm the type of person who is laid back, i don't worry about anything or let anything get to me. I do have thoughts about stuff, which i do share on here but that is like anyone, other than that i don't concern myself so for it to come out subconsciously is a bit concerning as whatever the trigger is, wedding or otherwise, i'm not consciously dealing with it, if that makes sense?

Side note, another thing that could be worrying me is that my stag do is next week and up to now i have no-one to go. I have family members like father in law and borthers in law sure, plus my best man but away from that he hasn't invited anyone and i guess what may be bothering me is i haven't really got anyone to invite. 2 of my mates are away next week, a third no-one really contacts and bar one more person there isn't many people i can invite. Over the years i lost contact with a lot of people as being a parent meant i didn't have time, only stayed in touch with a select number who i was closest to. but yeah, right now, it is a birthday night out for my father in law with me and my best man tagging along....

I know that isn't in theme of the thread and it sounds silly, but yeah, perhaps its things like that which is making me subconsciously anxious?

I understand the " Stag Do " thing Ash, but it's not compulsory to have one, so don't beat yourself up about it. If you're mates can't make next week, how about having something that's convenient for everyone after your wedding - boys trip away somewhere ?.

I'm at a wedding reception next weekend and the groom hasn't had a stag do, as its second time around and he's in his fifties, so doesn't see the point. It's horses for courses Ash x

 

[Sunderland afc]

Well the new structure came out and it's 5 down to 3 at my level. However, it gets worse when the 3 are all performance jobs and I'm systems.

So while I can apply it doesn't look good. The only option I might get assuming I'm unsuccessful at my level is a lower grade job which is a £500 a month drop and even that isn't nailed on but I'd be gobsmacked if I wasn't offered this.

Now, I know I can afford the drop, just, and If anything was going to push me back over the edge it should be this but I'm okay with it as I guess it could be worse. Really trying to be positive about this.

I've got my health, my family are fine and it's still a job. Might think differently nearer the time but hope not.

And it's all going to be sorted before Christmas. I can of course take £20,000 and go but that isn't something i want to do as I like my job and the thought of looking for work scares me more than then £500 drop.

Sorry for the long post.

 

[COYBL25]

Well the new structure came out and it's 5 down to 3 at my level. However, it gets worse when the 3 are all performance jobs and I'm systems.

So while I can apply it doesn't look good. The only option I might get assuming I'm unsuccessful at my level is a lower grade job which is a £500 a month drop and even that isn't nailed on but I'd be gobsmacked if I wasn't offered this.

Now, I know I can afford the drop, just, and If anything was going to push me back over the edge it should be this but I'm okay with it as I guess it could be worse. Really trying to be positive about this.

I've got my health, my family are fine and it's still a job. Might think differently nearer the time but hope not.

And it's all going to be sorted before Christmas. I can of course take £20,000 and go but that isn't something i want to do as I like my job and the thought of looking for work scares me more than then £500 drop.

Sorry for the long post.

Is there anything else that you fancy doing outside of the job you're in ?

That 20k would provide a nice cushion for you to retrain.

I do appreciate that Sunderland has similar problems to Liverpool when it comes to finding work !

 

[Sunderland afc]

Is there anything else that you fancy doing outside of the job you're in ?

That 20k would provide a nice cushion for you to retrain.

I do appreciate that Sunderland has similar problems to Liverpool when it comes to finding work !

That's the thing. Plus I've only ever worked in the same place and guess its scary thinking of trying something new.

Safety blanket as much as anything I guess. And, I guess the easy option.

 

[COYBL25]

That's the thing. Plus I've only ever worked in the same place and guess its scary thinking of trying something new.

Safety blanket as much as anything I guess. And, I guess the easy option.

Fully understandable in the circumstances mate, but it doesn't sounds like this cost cutting in your workplace is going to stop anytime soon. Possibly start preparing for the worst no matter what ?