Secret work enemies

[SerenityNigh]

Does every workplace have a phantom poo monster? We had one who regularly used to stuff the male bogs with paper towels and then cack on top of it...and leave. Another time we found a human poo in the smoking shelter - carefully wrapped in bog roll. The facility managers always used to come to the union room and complain. I'm not sure what they thought we could do about it!

I work in an office building and every floor is basically the same except different tenants. One morning I was in early and the mens room on our floor had an appearance that something was slightly wrong. It took me a moment then I realized the surfaces were dirty--the floor, the door between the sinks and toilets, various surfaces that you wouldn't expect to notice anything--but I walked into the toilets anyway, out of habit, when I noticed that it looked like a child had wiped dirty poo fingers on the door to the toilet stall. And the floor. And the door I had just passed through. And around the toilet. When I went back to the sinks I noticed that the trash can smelled, quite obviously because it was filled with paper towels covered in poo. I can only guess what happened but it wasn't too hard to reconstruct the scene. I was filled with horror, then humor, and finally sadness for whomever this event occurred, having massive diarrhea that would make Paula Radcliffe jealous, all over the floor right next to the toilet they were seeking. And either it was out of control coming in or the clean up went south quickly, but they did give an honest effort, at least for someone unable to put these pants back on. Or maybe they did put their pants back on; I didn't see any clothes discarded in the trash but I also didn't dig through it. I'm not sure how this unfortunate person drove home, sitting in feces covered clothing until they arrived home. If that had happened to me I would have taken a day or week off, maybe even tendering my resignation by email. I didn't actually see any evidence suggesting who was at fault, but I did call the building maintenance and tell them there was a serious issue with the mens room on our floor, although I probably should have told them there was [Poor language removed] all over the doors and floors because they sent nobody up to clean it that morning and I eventually went back and cleaned all of the surfaces as best I can with the stuff we have in our office.

 

[Joey66]

@RAFUH, @roydo, @AndyC , @Groucho, @micknick this is a safe space

Only if you have left your gun at home lol

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I work in an office building and every floor is basically the same except different tenants. One morning I was in early and the mens room on our floor had an appearance that something was slightly wrong. It took me a moment then I realized the surfaces were dirty--the floor, the door between the sinks and toilets, various surfaces that you wouldn't expect to notice anything--but I walked into the toilets anyway, out of habit, when I noticed that it looked like a child had wiped dirty poo fingers on the door to the toilet stall. And the floor. And the door I had just passed through. And around the toilet. When I went back to the sinks I noticed that the trash can smelled, quite obviously because it was filled with paper towels covered in poo. I can only guess what happened but it wasn't too hard to reconstruct the scene. I was filled with horror, then humor, and finally sadness for whomever this event occurred, having massive diarrhea that would make Paula Radcliffe jealous, all over the floor right next to the toilet they were seeking. And either it was out of control coming in or the clean up went south quickly, but they did give an honest effort, at least for someone unable to put these pants back on. Or maybe they did put their pants back on; I didn't see any clothes discarded in the trash but I also didn't dig through it. I'm not sure how this unfortunate person drove home, sitting in feces covered clothing until they arrived home. If that had happened to me I would have taken a day or week off, maybe even tendering my resignation by email. I didn't actually see any evidence suggesting who was at fault, but I did call the building maintenance and tell them there was a serious issue with the mens room on our floor, although I probably should have told them there was [Poor language removed] all over the doors and floors because they sent nobody up to clean it that morning and I eventually went back and cleaned all of the surfaces as best I can with the stuff we have in our office.

Oh that must have been awful for the person concerned and I have every sympathy for them. However our toilet wrecker was definitely a deliberate action. I always felt sorry for the cleaners who had to deal with the incidents.

Well done for cleaning it up - I would have run a mile in the opposite direction.

 

[Bedfordblue]

I work in an office building and every floor is basically the same except different tenants. One morning I was in early and the mens room on our floor had an appearance that something was slightly wrong. It took me a moment then I realized the surfaces were dirty--the floor, the door between the sinks and toilets, various surfaces that you wouldn't expect to notice anything--but I walked into the toilets anyway, out of habit, when I noticed that it looked like a child had wiped dirty poo fingers on the door to the toilet stall. And the floor. And the door I had just passed through. And around the toilet. When I went back to the sinks I noticed that the trash can smelled, quite obviously because it was filled with paper towels covered in poo. I can only guess what happened but it wasn't too hard to reconstruct the scene. I was filled with horror, then humor, and finally sadness for whomever this event occurred, having massive diarrhea that would make Paula Radcliffe jealous, all over the floor right next to the toilet they were seeking. And either it was out of control coming in or the clean up went south quickly, but they did give an honest effort, at least for someone unable to put these pants back on. Or maybe they did put their pants back on; I didn't see any clothes discarded in the trash but I also didn't dig through it. I'm not sure how this unfortunate person drove home, sitting in feces covered clothing until they arrived home. If that had happened to me I would have taken a day or week off, maybe even tendering my resignation by email. I didn't actually see any evidence suggesting who was at fault, but I did call the building maintenance and tell them there was a serious issue with the mens room on our floor, although I probably should have told them there was [Poor language removed] all over the doors and floors because they sent nobody up to clean it that morning and I eventually went back and cleaned all of the surfaces as best I can with the stuff we have in our office.

I never had anything for the canteen again after that.

 

[PITA]

Ste Smith.
Manager in work.
Absolute vermin, no secret though.
I tell him at least once a week he's an oxygen thief and the planet would be a far better place without him.

I once drove back to Huyton from Preston to punch his face in.
He had gone home the little coward.
He hates me too.
I care not a jot.

Your poem doesn't rhyme so it's not a proper poem but I like the fact that in the first verse the lines get longer as we move down the page whilst in the second verse the opposite happens.

 

[Bedfordblue]

Does every workplace have a phantom poo monster? We had one who regularly used to stuff the male bogs with paper towels and then cack on top of it...and leave. Another time we found a human poo in the smoking shelter - carefully wrapped in bog roll. The facility managers always used to come to the union room and complain. I'm not sure what they thought we could do about it!

One prestigious building site I worked on, the site offices would regularly have someone leave one of the traps absolutely devo’d which in turn would result in a strongly worded email from the site office manager / Proj Directors assistant with an accompanying photo of the offending deposit. This would be send to the entire project directory inc the clients. After around the 8th or 9th instance she was ordered to refrain from sending the images out as the client was deeply offended by them.
The irony was her husband worked there too as a one of the civils construction managers, he was an ex squaddy, rough as a badgers a-hole, and almost certainly responsible for the offending excrement.
Also worked on another site where some one would regularly take a dump in the office showers occasionally pushing it into the plug (presumably ‘toeing’ it in).
While that all sounds very much the norm (ish) for construction sites, I now work at an investment bank in London and was surprised to find that the kharzi’s there get just as much of a hiding as anything I’ve see on a building site including the portaloos on site itself.
Proving if there were ever any doubt that we do indeed ‘all **** out of the same hole’.

 

[DavidH]

I work in an office building and every floor is basically the same except different tenants. One morning I was in early and the mens room on our floor had an appearance that something was slightly wrong. It took me a moment then I realized the surfaces were dirty--the floor, the door between the sinks and toilets, various surfaces that you wouldn't expect to notice anything--but I walked into the toilets anyway, out of habit, when I noticed that it looked like a child had wiped dirty poo fingers on the door to the toilet stall. And the floor. And the door I had just passed through. And around the toilet. When I went back to the sinks I noticed that the trash can smelled, quite obviously because it was filled with paper towels covered in poo. I can only guess what happened but it wasn't too hard to reconstruct the scene. I was filled with horror, then humor, and finally sadness for whomever this event occurred, having massive diarrhea that would make Paula Radcliffe jealous, all over the floor right next to the toilet they were seeking. And either it was out of control coming in or the clean up went south quickly, but they did give an honest effort, at least for someone unable to put these pants back on. Or maybe they did put their pants back on; I didn't see any clothes discarded in the trash but I also didn't dig through it. I'm not sure how this unfortunate person drove home, sitting in feces covered clothing until they arrived home. If that had happened to me I would have taken a day or week off, maybe even tendering my resignation by email. I didn't actually see any evidence suggesting who was at fault, but I did call the building maintenance and tell them there was a serious issue with the mens room on our floor, although I probably should have told them there was [Poor language removed] all over the doors and floors because they sent nobody up to clean it that morning and I eventually went back and cleaned all of the surfaces as best I can with the stuff we have in our office.

Disgusting that.

Also: A paragraph is a series of sentences that are organized and coherent, and are all related to a single topic. Almost every piece of writing you do that is longer than a few sentences should be organized into paragraphs.

 

[Rita_Poon]

Disgusting that.

Also: A paragraph is a series of sentences that are organized and coherent, and are all related to a single topic. Almost every piece of writing you do that is longer than a few sentences should be organized into paragraphs.

kick em while they're down why don't you, they've had a warning.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Welcome to another edition of Workplaces and Faeces.

 

[SerenityNigh]

Disgusting that.

Also: A paragraph is a series of sentences that are organized and coherent, and are all related to a single topic. Almost every piece of writing you do that is longer than a few sentences should be organized into paragraphs.

I'm married to a writer--I'm not interested--unless you're chatting me up and then maybe we can talk.

 

[peteblue]

Disgusting that.

Also: A paragraph is a series of sentences that are organized and coherent, and are all related to a single topic. Almost every piece of writing you do that is longer than a few sentences should be organized into paragraphs.

organised…..

 

[peteblue]

I'm married to a writer--I'm not interested--unless you're chatting me up and then maybe we can talk.

He’s chatting you up…..

 

[DavidH]

organised…..

I copy and pasted it from a google search.

 

[peteblue]

I copy and pasted it from a google search.

Of course, was ChatGPT unavailable…..

 

[DavidH]

Of course, was ChatGPT unavailable…..

Never used it in my life. I know you do but that's to be expected.