What's the first thing I do when..

[degsy]

... I check into a Travelodge room?
First correct answer gets to ask the next 'what's the first' question.
Yes I'm bored

Check for a porn channel(s)

 

[Brendan Janus]

Have a plop !!

 

[SiEdmo]

throw the TV out the window and turn all the tables and chairs upside down

if it was anywhere other than a travel lodge or whatever the first thing should always be, starfish face down onto the bed (and half the time fall through the sneaky middle of two singles made up to look like a double)

 

[.....!]

Have empty soulless sex with a vapid girl from Tinder

Sounds great. Sign me up.

 

[blue61]

I like the way people are still having a guess here, even though @ilikecheese got the right answer on page 2.

 

[kev]

Go out to the nearest KFC and return with a bucket of 20 pieces and proceed to assemble a world map on the mirror constructed from greasy chicken skin; for example, unfurling the skin off a chicken leg and pressing it on the mirror is a great *simulacrum of India. Little bits of skin can form the Malaysian archipelago. Scotland comes from that weird chewy bit at the base of the breast. Don't tell me I'm the only one who has done this!

*Impressive