Garrick
Awesome, lid.
Alright, lads, lasses, and others. Here it is.
Biggest tournament of the summer.
No, not that one.
There we go. Let's do this
So for the uninitiated, here’s what’s happening. Once upon a time CONMEBOL officials wanted to hold a 100th anniversary party for the world’s oldest major international football tournament. They had one, last year, but figured “Hey, let’s have another one because $$$! And let’s have it in the US for more $$$! And let’s invite some North American teams because we all know CONCACAF loves the $$$ too!”
Yeah, it’s a cash grab. But it’s OUR cash grab, and there are major bragging rights at stake. And it’ll actually count as a continental final for FIFA ranking purposes, so like it or not, this tournament could have major implications in 2018 World Cup seeding. So, only mostly pointless.
As is tradition, we Yanks have been drawn into the brutalest of brutal groups where there are zero pushovers and, given recent form of Klinsmann’s grand ongoing soccer experiment, the likelihoods of the getting punted from our own tournament in the group stage are quite high.
Or are they? More on that in a bit.
Tonight’s tournament opener lines us up against the world’s foremost source of stimulants, Colombia. Those stimulants being coffee, cocaine, Colombian women…
…And the dreamboaty Ha-mez Rodriguez.
Swoon.
Now, common wisdom, according to FIFA Rankings, Elo ratings, and footballing fans around the world is that Colombia are ACE and one of the BEST TEAMS IN THE WORLD. 3rd best, according to FIFA.
But if you do a deep dive in their recent results, it suddenly doesn’t look like one of the third best team in the world. Their 2014 World Cup group was arguably one of the easiest of the tournament, and they still left in the quarterfinals. They finished 3rd in their 2015 Copa America group and were punted in the quarterfinals of that tournament too. Before that, well, they weren’t even qualifying for World Cups.
Now, to be sure, Rodriguez is world class (despite whatever his current status is with Real Madrid), and Bacca is a top tier target forward. And sure, Los Cafeteros are still really fun to watch, but they’ve never been able to step it up in the big games. They put away the minnows with ease, but never can match when the sharks come to town.
So why can’t we beat them, anyway?
When Klinsmann hasn’t been dicking around with the lineup (as is tradition) and putting players in their proper positions, we actually haven’t looked too shabby. Nagbe and Pulisic have been revelations. Bobby Wood is coming into his own. The defense looks improved, even if it does involve four center halves sometimes but, hey, worked for Germany, right?
Perhaps any sort of cautious optimism is misplaced given the U23 Olympic playoff beatdown we received at their hands.
Best not think about it too much, considering we have all of 4 hours before we get to shout NOT IN THE FACE! If we made it out alive in 2014 we can do it again in 2016. Right guys? Right?
Right?
…..the Yanks are coming….
...Hopefully.
Biggest tournament of the summer.
No, not that one.
There we go. Let's do this
So for the uninitiated, here’s what’s happening. Once upon a time CONMEBOL officials wanted to hold a 100th anniversary party for the world’s oldest major international football tournament. They had one, last year, but figured “Hey, let’s have another one because $$$! And let’s have it in the US for more $$$! And let’s invite some North American teams because we all know CONCACAF loves the $$$ too!”
Yeah, it’s a cash grab. But it’s OUR cash grab, and there are major bragging rights at stake. And it’ll actually count as a continental final for FIFA ranking purposes, so like it or not, this tournament could have major implications in 2018 World Cup seeding. So, only mostly pointless.
As is tradition, we Yanks have been drawn into the brutalest of brutal groups where there are zero pushovers and, given recent form of Klinsmann’s grand ongoing soccer experiment, the likelihoods of the getting punted from our own tournament in the group stage are quite high.
Or are they? More on that in a bit.
Tonight’s tournament opener lines us up against the world’s foremost source of stimulants, Colombia. Those stimulants being coffee, cocaine, Colombian women…
…And the dreamboaty Ha-mez Rodriguez.
Swoon.
Now, common wisdom, according to FIFA Rankings, Elo ratings, and footballing fans around the world is that Colombia are ACE and one of the BEST TEAMS IN THE WORLD. 3rd best, according to FIFA.
But if you do a deep dive in their recent results, it suddenly doesn’t look like one of the third best team in the world. Their 2014 World Cup group was arguably one of the easiest of the tournament, and they still left in the quarterfinals. They finished 3rd in their 2015 Copa America group and were punted in the quarterfinals of that tournament too. Before that, well, they weren’t even qualifying for World Cups.
Now, to be sure, Rodriguez is world class (despite whatever his current status is with Real Madrid), and Bacca is a top tier target forward. And sure, Los Cafeteros are still really fun to watch, but they’ve never been able to step it up in the big games. They put away the minnows with ease, but never can match when the sharks come to town.
So why can’t we beat them, anyway?
When Klinsmann hasn’t been dicking around with the lineup (as is tradition) and putting players in their proper positions, we actually haven’t looked too shabby. Nagbe and Pulisic have been revelations. Bobby Wood is coming into his own. The defense looks improved, even if it does involve four center halves sometimes but, hey, worked for Germany, right?
Perhaps any sort of cautious optimism is misplaced given the U23 Olympic playoff beatdown we received at their hands.
Best not think about it too much, considering we have all of 4 hours before we get to shout NOT IN THE FACE! If we made it out alive in 2014 we can do it again in 2016. Right guys? Right?
Right?
…..the Yanks are coming….
...Hopefully.
