Garrick
Awesome, lid.
USA USA USA
Here we are, lads. Nineteen days until kickoff against Ghana. Are you panicking yet? Maybe you should be. Have you been watching the USMNMNMNMNT news as of late?
The all-time leading Major League Soccer goal scorer, and former Everton super loan player, Sir Landon of Donovan, is NOT going to Brazil. Rumors of a personal rift between Landy Cakes and Klinsmann are abound. In a fantastic “let’s make Jürgen look like an idiot” moment, Donovan notched numbers 135 and 136 as the Galaxy routed Philadelphia 4-1, mere days after being cut from his national team duties.
There are many around here, myself included, questioning the sanity our German-born national team manager, and not just for the Donovan decision. Who on this planet thinks Brad Davis offers something Landon doesn’t? Why is the quick defensive liablity DeAndre Yedlin on the plane bound south instead of Parkhurst or Evans? When has John Brooks ever been better Clarence Goodson? Never, but a European club signs his checks and not the San Jose Earthquakes… So screw Goodson, I guess.
And then there’s the big one. Julian Green? The extremely young, immensely talented, winger aus Bayern München… Who has appeared all of once in top flight football?
You’re crazy, Jürgen Klinsmann. You are certifiably insane. You think Tim Howard is one of top 5 keepers in the world, which if it were true would be news to all of us Evertonians. A great keeper who’s had a great season, surely, but as good as Petr Cech and David de Gea?
No mate. Just no.
It should be noted, of course, that Klinsmann did something pretty similar with his 2006 German team. Bring in the unproven youngsters over the top of established veterans. That side took home a Bronze medal. He ruffled feathers then, too, the biggest being his snubbing of Oliver Kahn.
But they also faced the footballing powerhouses of Costa Rica, Poland, and Ecuador in the group stage. This time around, it’s US Soccer’s kryptonite (Ghana), where the reigning Ballon d’Or resides (Portugal), and the 2nd ranked national team in the world (Germany).
Sounds great! Let’s leave our most creative attacking footballer at home just to make things a little more interesting.
So we’re in need of confidence booster, yeah? I know! How about we book an international friendly against a country whose highest footballing honor is being Atletico Madrid’s kit sponsor! Yep, Azerbaijan, the 85th ranked footballing nation in the world, is up. Why? Who knows. Klinsmann’s buddy (and apparently now special advisor to the USMNT?) Berti Vogts manages them. All about the networking, like.
The Milli are proper s****. Their domestic league is worse than Scotland's. The closest thing they have to a breakthrough player is Ruslan Abishov, who rides the bench with the marginally respectable Rubin Kazan of Russia. This team is Canada bad. I’m not even going to waste any more words on them. If we don’t demolish them 5-0, all of us Yanks may as well put our hands over our eyes and scream “NOT IN THE FACE!” when the tournament gets running.
Here’s the single weirdest thing about the United States national team. Nobody, even the most ardent American Outlaws, know how good this team is. With half of the squad in North America and the other in Europe, we haven’t seen this team all come together since it demolished CONCACAF World Cup Qualifying. The Scotland, Austria, Ukraine, South Korea, and Mexico friendlies were all split squad affairs straight out of MLB Spring Training. To this day, nobody knows what the XI will look like, or what formation it will even be. 4-2-3-1, 4-4-2, and 4-1-2-1-2 Sigi Schmid diamond special have all been tried at some point or the other. The only roster locks, if you can call them that, are Jozy please-find-the-goddamn-net Altidore up top, Clint Dempsey behind him (who has, thank f***, finally found his form again with Seattle), Michael Bradley and Jermaine Jones in the central midfield partnership, and the MIGHTY Tim Howard in the net. Graham Zusi is likely to play right winger, but who knows. Fabian Johnson has supposedly spent a lot of time training at right back, so that’s a thing. Other than that? Who knows, man. Who knows.
At this point, I’m expecting to be “King of the Kop” for the remainder of 2014. Oh well. At least we have the most handsome devil in the World Cup on our roster. Thanks for that, Wondo.
Prove me wrong, Jürgen. The faithful are beginning to doubt. Show us a method to the madness.
We need it.
Here we are, lads. Nineteen days until kickoff against Ghana. Are you panicking yet? Maybe you should be. Have you been watching the USMNMNMNMNT news as of late?
The all-time leading Major League Soccer goal scorer, and former Everton super loan player, Sir Landon of Donovan, is NOT going to Brazil. Rumors of a personal rift between Landy Cakes and Klinsmann are abound. In a fantastic “let’s make Jürgen look like an idiot” moment, Donovan notched numbers 135 and 136 as the Galaxy routed Philadelphia 4-1, mere days after being cut from his national team duties.
There are many around here, myself included, questioning the sanity our German-born national team manager, and not just for the Donovan decision. Who on this planet thinks Brad Davis offers something Landon doesn’t? Why is the quick defensive liablity DeAndre Yedlin on the plane bound south instead of Parkhurst or Evans? When has John Brooks ever been better Clarence Goodson? Never, but a European club signs his checks and not the San Jose Earthquakes… So screw Goodson, I guess.
And then there’s the big one. Julian Green? The extremely young, immensely talented, winger aus Bayern München… Who has appeared all of once in top flight football?
You’re crazy, Jürgen Klinsmann. You are certifiably insane. You think Tim Howard is one of top 5 keepers in the world, which if it were true would be news to all of us Evertonians. A great keeper who’s had a great season, surely, but as good as Petr Cech and David de Gea?
No mate. Just no.
It should be noted, of course, that Klinsmann did something pretty similar with his 2006 German team. Bring in the unproven youngsters over the top of established veterans. That side took home a Bronze medal. He ruffled feathers then, too, the biggest being his snubbing of Oliver Kahn.
But they also faced the footballing powerhouses of Costa Rica, Poland, and Ecuador in the group stage. This time around, it’s US Soccer’s kryptonite (Ghana), where the reigning Ballon d’Or resides (Portugal), and the 2nd ranked national team in the world (Germany).
Sounds great! Let’s leave our most creative attacking footballer at home just to make things a little more interesting.
So we’re in need of confidence booster, yeah? I know! How about we book an international friendly against a country whose highest footballing honor is being Atletico Madrid’s kit sponsor! Yep, Azerbaijan, the 85th ranked footballing nation in the world, is up. Why? Who knows. Klinsmann’s buddy (and apparently now special advisor to the USMNT?) Berti Vogts manages them. All about the networking, like.
The Milli are proper s****. Their domestic league is worse than Scotland's. The closest thing they have to a breakthrough player is Ruslan Abishov, who rides the bench with the marginally respectable Rubin Kazan of Russia. This team is Canada bad. I’m not even going to waste any more words on them. If we don’t demolish them 5-0, all of us Yanks may as well put our hands over our eyes and scream “NOT IN THE FACE!” when the tournament gets running.
Here’s the single weirdest thing about the United States national team. Nobody, even the most ardent American Outlaws, know how good this team is. With half of the squad in North America and the other in Europe, we haven’t seen this team all come together since it demolished CONCACAF World Cup Qualifying. The Scotland, Austria, Ukraine, South Korea, and Mexico friendlies were all split squad affairs straight out of MLB Spring Training. To this day, nobody knows what the XI will look like, or what formation it will even be. 4-2-3-1, 4-4-2, and 4-1-2-1-2 Sigi Schmid diamond special have all been tried at some point or the other. The only roster locks, if you can call them that, are Jozy please-find-the-goddamn-net Altidore up top, Clint Dempsey behind him (who has, thank f***, finally found his form again with Seattle), Michael Bradley and Jermaine Jones in the central midfield partnership, and the MIGHTY Tim Howard in the net. Graham Zusi is likely to play right winger, but who knows. Fabian Johnson has supposedly spent a lot of time training at right back, so that’s a thing. Other than that? Who knows, man. Who knows.
At this point, I’m expecting to be “King of the Kop” for the remainder of 2014. Oh well. At least we have the most handsome devil in the World Cup on our roster. Thanks for that, Wondo.
Prove me wrong, Jürgen. The faithful are beginning to doubt. Show us a method to the madness.
We need it.
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