RFUS
Anustart
Well hello there. Last week might have been fantastic or rubbish, but I don't quite remember, because Everton kicked off first. And when Everton lose, it pretty much ruins your weekend. So no more early saturday kick offs against teams who'll probably beat us please! Oh... wait. FFS.
Hopefully though this derby doesn't stress us out too much, and we can enjoy the rest of the weekend's footie. Because some of it looks pretty darn good.
Saturday
3:00 KO
Aston Villa vs Wigan --Villa are still unbeaten this year, and are vying for silverware. Oh God no, not the league, I mean the Mark Hughes award for most horrendously boring draws. Yes, Villa have only won 1 of their 6 games, drawing the other 5! Wigan would definitely swap places however, as they've lost their last 3 games in a row. Which is a shame because I do like Wigan, their fans, Martinez and so on. Not Dave Whelan obviously, but still. I'm rooting for the pie eaters. But I can see another draw here. 1-1.
Blackburn vs Man City -- Blackburn's sensational 4-3 win over Arsenal might have been a false dawn, as they went on to lose their next game at the hands of one time Everton target and RFUS mega favourite, Demba Ba, who scored a hat-trick to put them to the proverbial sword. Although I bet his actual sword is pretty fierce too. It is in those many vivid dreams I had anyway. *ahem* Moving on, Man City... ah feck it. I hate them. I hope they lose and all their players fall down massive marble staircases and break their legs ffs. Blackburn 12-0.
Man United vs Norwich -- United's perfect record ended last week away at Stoke. They were however without Rooney, who is fit again for this game. His form probably doesn't need a mention, but in case you've not been paying attention, he'd been on the ascension scoring 9 in 5, through invention and convention, on his way to another dimension. FFS KENWRONG. Norwich beat Sunderland on Monday to record back-to-back wins and leapfrog ourselves into the top half of the table. Sadly however James Vaughan, who came on as a sub in that game only to go off injured, could be out for a while. Poor Vaughany... They're a good side though Norwich and I'm sure they'll put up a fight, but I can't see a full strength United at Old Trafford slipping up here. 3-1.
Sunderland vs West Brom -- Sunderland, after recording their first win of the season, didn't show up in their last game until they were 2 goals down. They got back to 2-1, but couldn't find the second. Big spenders as ever, this looks to be another disappointing season for them and Bruce, who does seem to be partial to a massive run of poor form at least once a season. I don't mind him like, but boy is he a crap manager. West Brom were also tipped for big things with some smart additions to their already good squad, but they've disappointed, taking only 4 points from 18. So which one of them is going to take the much-needed 3 points then? I'm going to say... neither. 0-0.
Wolves vs Newcastle -- Both of these teams initially started the season very well, but only one has managed to maintain that good start. Wolves have dipped of late, losing their last 3 league games. Last time out however they were quite unlucky, as they fought back from 2-0 down against Liverpool to 2-1, and were well worth the point they unfortunately couldn't salvage. They'll be hoping to utilise the talismanic duo of Jarvis -- a fantasy football favourite -- and Doyle -- a RFUS favourite... not because of his talents or anything, mind, just his wonderful range of expression. Even with those two, they still face a stern test against a stoic Newcastle side who have defied the critics who said they'd implode after losing their best four players (Enrique, Carroll, Nolan and Barton), by remaining unbeaten so far with 3 wins and 3 draws. Which leaves them in 4th place. FFS. I don't know which one of these teams I dislike more to be honest, but I'm going to go for a Wolves win; 2-1.
Sunday
1:30 KO
Bolton vs Chelsea -- Speaking of sides tipped for big things, Bolton are bottom of the table! With only 1 win and 3 points to show from 6 games, it's been a nightmare start for Owen Coyle's men. They've been without a crucial part of their team in C.Y. Lee, but there's no excuse for form like that. As much as I moan at Moyes at least we don't often have to endure 5 defeats on the spin! Touch wood, like. Chelsea will be without Fernando "Jekyll and Hyde" Torres for this game and 2 more, after he -- for the second week in a row -- showed his best and his worst; scoring a good goal before inexplicably diving in with two feet and getting a straight red. £50 million... Jesus. However, Chelsea have strength in depth and a strikeforce so strong we'd cut off our nutsacks for their benchwarming hitmen, so I'm sure they'll have enough to take the 3 points. 1-2.
3:00 KO
Fulham vs QPR -- I don't know what to say to be honest. Jol's Dynasty are winless in 6 and joint bottom with 3 points. I can only assume he's giving everyone else a headstart to make the league a bit fairer? They did enjoy Europa goblet of inconvenience success mid-week though, as they beat Odense comfortably 2-0; AJ bagging a brace and Clit Dempsey having one cleared off the line. QPR are looking quite good now, after 3 very good performances since the transfer window closure. They've drawn 2 of those, mind, but have been unlucky to do so. Adel Taarabt is starting to show his class and has hit the bar so many effing times... yes he's in my fantasy team ffs. Anyway, I'm going to say this is the game Jol finally stops letting other teams win. 40-0 Fulham.
Swansea vs Stoke -- Swansea were outclassed by Chelsea last time out, but had looked good in their game before that. Stoke, conversely, drew with United in their last game whilst they were battered the week before by Sunderland 4-0. Football is a funny old game, like. One week can change everything! Stoke are notoriously flimsy away from home and will be tired after their mid-week exploits. If Swansea can avoid conceding too many set pieces (Crouch and Delap... that should be against the rules) then they could well get another 3 points here. 2-0 Swans.
4:00 KO
Spurs vs Arsenal -- The other big derby of the weekend. For the first time I can remember, Spurs look the stronger outfit and will surely be favourites to spunk a bit more thick, creamy misery all over Arsene's gloomy face. Adebayor is playing for Spurs against his old club, and the big African's post-transfer relationship with Arsenal has been a bit feisty, to say the least. So he's nailed on to either score a hat-trick or get sent off for drop-kicking a ball boy I hope it's the former though as he's in my fantasy team! Anyway... 3-3 for me. Should be a good one.
Well then, that's that then. Thanks for reading and come on Ebepton ffs deeeeese are fairly sheeeeeeeet ffs deeeeeeeeeeeeese.
FFS dude! 
