RFUS
Anustart
Well, that certainly wasn't worth the wait for us blues, was it? A miserable afternoon of miserable performances, against a miserable team ending in a miserable result. That somewhat spoiled what was, all in all, a good weekend of footie. Hopefully this weekend will be kinder to us, as we face an even worse team than QPR in KFC. In the event of Everton letting you down however, there's plenty of other decent footie to turn to this weekend.
Saturday
12:05 KO
Aston V*lla vs Wolves - To kick us off at a rather unusual time, we have Aston V*lla vs Wolves. V*lla, fresh from comfortably beating our opponents for this week 3-1 -- you know it was comfortable because Anichebe Sr scored -- have been dealt what would have been seen as a favourable fixture a fortnight ago. However, much to my disappointment, Wolves have started their season with an unprecedented 100% record. I feel wretched for saying it, but I hope V*lla win. Mick McCarthy gets on my man-tits and the sooner he takes his wandering eyebrows and blertish thugs back down to the championship, the better. The sexually-stimulating Matt Jarvis not included -- he's ace. 2-1 V*lla.
12:30 KO
Wigan vs QPR - Wigan have been dealt a statistical anomaly this year, with their first three games taking place against the three newly promoted teams. They drew against Norwich and then again against Swansea, so at this stage it's difficult to assess if they've got what it takes to stay up. Victor Moses impressed but picked up a knock and is a doubt, but they'll still have a few James's on display, so they should be okay. QPR... well I want to hate them and I want to hate Warnock, but they did what I'd expect any 'lesser' team to do against us at Goodison. And Warnock, despite looking like the horror-show lovechild of Roy Hodgson and The Joker, was more than respectful post-match, so good luck to them. I think they'll edge this one, and Adel Tarabbt will belatedly shine. 0-1 QPR
3:00 KO
Chelsea vs Norwich - AVB lived up to his Jose Jr tag in his second league game in charge, by making a tactical substitution before half time, bringing on Malouda. It worked in the end, as the sub got on the scoresheet as they clawed their way back from a goal down against West Brom. I'm not sure if new signing Juan Mata will play, but what a prospect he is. He looks to be the player they've been missing, and could really set the league alight. Norwich have played two and drawn two so far. They were unlucky not to take all three points last week, and look a solid team. However I think Chelsea will probably do them. It probably Juan Mata if Juan Mata plays or not (boooo), such is the gulf in quality here. 3-0 to Chelski.
Swansea vs Sunderland - After being savaged in the behind by Man City on the first day of the season, they fought back to earn a draw against Wigan; thanks in part to some goalkeeping heroics from Michel Vorm (who Neiler must surely have tattoed onto his chest by now). Sunderland however, after getting a good result against our bitter rivals in their first game, lost to their bitter rivals in their second. Things got even worse for them yesterday though. Steve Bruce, evidently a fan of Moyes' work, played without any recognised strikers against Brighton & Hove Albion in the league cup. They lost 1-0. Ouch. This is as good a chance as any for the Swans to get their first win. Sunderland are low on confidence, and like us, low on goals. On the plus side, at least they failed in their pursuit of Demba Ba. They'd surely have been bummed to death with him in the side. Get it...?! FFS. 2-0 Swansea.
5:30 KO
Liverpool vs Bolton - Liverpool overcame Exeter mid week, with Luis Suarez getting on the scoresheet for the third game running. I said before they signed him that he'd be a fantastic signing. I've never been so disappointed to be proven right! They beat Arsenal in their last game, but not as convingly as the 2-0 scoreline implied. They won by the skin of Suarez's horseteeth, considering it took an academy-level defence, a red card and a ridiculous deflected own goal to help them take the points. Bolton meanwhile survived a scare to beat Macclesfield 2-1, but lost their last league game to a strong-looking city. They lost 3-2 however, and after winning their opening game 4-0, they certainly aren't short of goals. Hopefully they ripple some more nets this weekend. I'm going for a 1-1.
Sunday
1:00 KO
Newcastle vs Fulham - The barcode bells have kept two clean sheets in a row, which is quite hard to believe, considering they lost Enrique, are playing with a makeshift defence and well... are gash. Maarten Jol's glorious return to the prem hit a stumbling block last week as Fulham were felled by Wolves. I'm assuming Mick McCarthy bribed the refs or something because Jol, in his infinite wisdom, does not make mistakes. Then again he did have Philippe "cum in your face" Senderos marshalling his defence. I'd say this is almost definitely going to be a snore draw. 0-0.
1:30 KO
Tottenham vs Man City - One of the highlights of the weekend, last season's champions league newbies face off against this season's champions league newbies. Fortunes have changed since Crouch nabbed the goal to get Spuds 4th the other season, and City have now clearly overtaken wobbly neck's squad. Spurs have confirmed the loan signing of Adebayor, who could be a fantastic acquisition. However he's ineligble to play in this game as he is of course, on loan from city. It's hard to predict what kind of lineup Mancini will select as he has a genuine embarrassment of riches in every sense of the word. Dzeko is in form (but don't tell Goat) and Aguero has given the media hours of semen stimulant, so I wouldn't be surprised to see them. Tevez was back for their last game, but judging by his gloomy face (gloomier than usual, rather) you suspect he doesn't want to be in sunny Manchester for much longer. I'm going for 1-2 City.
3:00 KO
West Brom vs Stoke - Weirdly West Brom have impressed me as much as any team this season, despite losing both of their two games so far. Context is necessary, of course. They were drawn against United and Chelsea, and lost narrowly, 2-1 both times. Shane Long bagged a goal in both games, and looks to be a canny signing. Alongside last season's surprise striker package, Odemwingie, they have a strike force that most teams will envy. Including us, sadly. Stoke thumped FC Thun 4-1 on thursday night to go through to the Europa league proper. I'm not sure what's more strange about that one; Stoke scoring more than one goal, or Stoke being in a major European competition. Anywho, I suspect this will finally be the game in which Woy's WBA win. 3-1 to the Baggies.
4:00 KO
Man Utd vs Arsenal - Last, but certainly not least, the in-form United take on the self-pitying Arsenal. Both teams are through to the CL group stages, with both being drawn very favourable groups. Arsenal had a bit of a scare against Udinese, but got through as ever. With Nasri and Fabregas both finally gone, and most of their senior defenders injured, their squad looks paper thin. United too have injuries to key defenders, but unlike Arsene, SAF knows how to get his young players to show defensive discipline and well... some mental fortitude. Gervinho is still banned after the red card for his part in the Joey Barton face-tickling shenanigans. I doubt their other new signing, the rocky-faced Alex Oxlade-Changeyournameffslad will feature either, as Old Trafford is hardly an ideal stadium for a league debut. This is surely going to be a United win, but if Arsenal do get something it just might be the confidence catalyst they need. That and the Evertonian holy grail that is some new signings.
Enjoy the football lids, and come on Ebepton ffs, deeeeeese are shiiiiiiiiiite deeeeeese.
