The Best Complaint Letter...Ever..

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Love this one

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.

spiderdrawing.gif


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,

You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached <spider.gif>

spiderdrawing.gif


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,

Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me.
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.

spiderdrawing2.gif

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached <spider2.gif>

spiderdrawing2.gif
 

David Thorne is genius, what's missing for me from the Virgin complaint is Virgins response. would love to know how they responded.
 
Soupgate was a quality one that I read, written my everyone's favourite (former?) kipper

To whom it may concern at Tesco complaints department,

Grief wraps its glacial fingers round our hearts in many ways. This is one such story. A few weeks ago i bought a pot of your Italian Meatball soup. It’s been sat in the fridge just waiting for me to eat it....So picture the scene....pot of soup (cooked), half a French bread stick... But before i start to eat it i notice that there appears to be a distinct lack of meatballs... So I pour the soup out of the pot and into a bowl and guess what.. NO MEATBALLS.. Not even one single meatball.... Just a pot of tomato and pasta... I just sat there in disbelief. The disappointment was so great that i couldn’t bring myself to eat this pasta/tomato soup type dish.

Now the only reason that I bought this soup is that i like meatballs. The meatball is the selling point on the front of the soup. ‘Italian MEATBALL soup’. .... It’s like buying a chicken salad sandwich and finding no chicken... A pepperoni pizza, with no pepperoni.... a steak pie with, yes, you’ve guessed it.. no STEAK ! I could go on, but i think you get the message.

But the best bit about this is the claim on the front of the pot ‘NEW IMPROVED RECIPE’... AHAHAHAHAHAHA.... I think we all know what the improvement is don’t we?.. You have taken the meatballs OUT !!!

Obviously this is a very serious issue. False advertising, calorific misrepresentation, deceit. ...im sure there are more charges that could be levelled at you in regards ‘soupgate’.

As I’m sure there will be some sort of internal investigation into this, I have attached the label from the pot, along with the batch numbers from the lid.

Hopefully you will see fit to compensate me accordingly... I would hate to have to go and do my weekly shopping somewhere else on the back of this scandal.

Yours Sincerley

*name removed for confidentiality reasons*
Click to expand...
 

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