People getting phrases wrong

[IRO1977]

What's the funniest example you've ever heard? A friend of mine has come out with a couple of good ones (by mistake) recently

Commenting on a person he didn't like, he said "I've told you before, a man never changes his Leopard!"

Then on commenting about someone being ungrateful, he said "Never kick a gift horse in the face"

Any better ones?

 

[Azzurri]

A guy I know tried to say 'main man' and 'head honcho' at the same time the other day and ended up saying 'main poncho'.

 

[Kurt.]

Ken Docherty on the snooker a week or two ago, speaking I think about Neil Robertson " He needs to grab the Bull by the scruff of the neck "

 

[Reidy's Bottle Of Grecian]

Some workmates were going on a fishing trip to France, and one of them kept mentioning "The Cross Flannel Cherry." Since that day I have to stop myself from saying it almost every time.

Thermal Ciggies as well instead of Menthol.

 

[Azzurri]

It's not funny but I hate the idiots who say 'Tooth Faced' when they mean 'Two Faced'.

TOOTH FACED?

 

[Groucho]

Over the years, I've heard a lot of people incorrectly repeat diagnosis'.

"My husband's not well, he's got dimensions" [dementia]

"Well, my GP said I'm incompetent" [impotent]

Tons of them.

 

[Jamo Martinez]

2 guys in a pub toilet once talking about a common friend who'd married a Japanese lady.

''They're the most subversive women in the world''. Obviously the total opposite of what he meant

 

[Jamo Martinez]

Over the years, I've heard a lot of people incorrectly repeat diagnosis'.

"My husband's not well, he's got dimensions" [dementia]

"Well, my GP said I'm incompetent" [impotent]

Tons of them.

Malapropisms. Love them.

 

[micknick]

I work with a guy called Rob, I have a list of 'Robisms'

Here are a few:

get your ducks in order

went down like a lead brick

good brain on their head

 

[Duncan Disordely]

One that really grinds my gears is:

"I could care less"

It's "couldn't care less" FFS!

"I could care less" means you do actually care

 

[IRO1977]

People saying "It's a mute point" is really annoying as well

 

[ijjysmith]

Whop wnop

 

[IRO1977]

Not the same thing, but the same guy also asked me once how cat's eyes knew that a car was coming so as to light up at the right time

 

[blue61]

I worked with a lady many years ago who genuinely came out with all the classics. She didn't like cakes with sympathetic cream, her daughters windows always had compensation, she thought parrots were an erotic bird and she just loved that paint advert with the durex dog.

 

[IRO1977]

I worked with a lady many years ago who genuinely came out with all the classics. She didn't like cakes with sympathetic cream, her daughters windows always had compensation, she thought parrots were an erotic bird and she just loved that paint advert with the durex dog.

Haha, class