Durham Toffee
Shameless Wool
Same here...
Paying maintenance - inequality?
- Thread starter Durham Toffee
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He stopped seeing her around 8 years ago. I bent over backwards for him to have a relationship with his daughter but he was quite bitter that I was with my now husband. He even reported me to social services, telling them all sorts of untruths.
I ended up taking him to mediation, which I had to pay £65 a session and he didn't have to pay nothing as he wasn't working at the time. They asked what help I was getting financially from him and I told the truth, he just spouted up that he pays for stuff when he was paying for stuff when he was with her. They said he should contribute £5 a week I didn't even get that from him. Shortly after he met his then girlfriend and never bothered with my daughter again until getting into contact with her via text a few weeks ago.
I know for a fact he has been working constantly since we left mediation and wonder if that is one of the reasons he hasn't bothered before. He has also told my daughter he has split up with his girlfriend.
I ended up taking him to mediation, which I had to pay £65 a session and he didn't have to pay nothing as he wasn't working at the time. They asked what help I was getting financially from him and I told the truth, he just spouted up that he pays for stuff when he was paying for stuff when he was with her. They said he should contribute £5 a week I didn't even get that from him. Shortly after he met his then girlfriend and never bothered with my daughter again until getting into contact with her via text a few weeks ago.
I know for a fact he has been working constantly since we left mediation and wonder if that is one of the reasons he hasn't bothered before. He has also told my daughter he has split up with his girlfriend.
roydo
in memoriam - 1965-2024
Please dont take this the wrong way, after all, he is the father to your daughter.
But he sounds like a complete tit.
A father/man, who does not do all he can for his kids, isnt actually much of either. And the last thing kids actually care about is finance. They want a giggle, a cuddle, a walk with the dog, a naughty late night watching a crap film.
Being met at school, a trip to the pier, or the toy stall at the market. Stiring the soup or the stew for tea.
Costs zip. But priceless.
His loss. And your daughters unfortunately.
You are obviously a very decent human being and that will have rubbed off on your daughter.
Most people would've reported him to everyone and anyone.
However it would've ended up very messsy and bitter, which would've impacted on your daughter massively.
He obviously knows his way round the system. Proceed with caution !
I totally agree, he is a tit, that's why I'm not with him anymore. My daughter has been fine without him and doesn't want for anything. I will leave it up to her with regards to if she wishes to resume a relationship with her father as I believe I have no right to interfere, if she does wish to see him, she will find out what a waste of space he is herself.
I was quite fortunate, my ex missus worked for the CSA from just after we split up at it's inception until her recent early retirement, we never went through the CSA formula, we agreed a fair amount and then reviewed it annually, it worked for us and where the kids (now grown ups) were concerned we were always ok with each other,I was lucky I guess that all turned out well but I did feel for others round about me at the time who were going through hell and paying more than they could properly afford via the grossly unfair formula that the CSA imposed on some..
Foot Long Hot Dog
Player Valuation: A packet of pork scratchings
Been there done that.
Without going into the full details I got mugged off by a gold digger nearly 20 years ago, we had a child (not my choice, she lied about the pill). We split as she was a psycho and then my career took off. She ended up getting an obscene amount of.money off me due to my success after I got rid of her cheating aggressive arse. It boiled my piss for years, as she didn't spend the dosh on my daughter as I did that anyway. I paid for her lifestyle and she didn't deserve a bean
Sapie88
Hi @Donald Twain
This is what I've done with my ex. It works for us and it's never been a problem. I have my lad every other weekend unless something is on and we work around that.
There's been times when I haven't been able to give her the full amount and she's been fine, I just made it up the next month.
I'm quite lucky actually.
Sound a right tit , but be careful as i bet there is a reason he has crawled out the woodwork.
Hope he doesn't mess with your happiness or your daughter s head.
The Blue Watch
Player Valuation: £15m
I've split up from my ex a few months ago. It was my decision to split up so she was quite bitter about it, but with regards to the kids we've managed to keep it civilised. We've shared nights with our two daughters 50/50 ever since we've split up, but as my ex wasn't working and would stay with our little one through the day, we agreed on a set amount that was fair for me to pay her each month. Which I have paid each month without fail.
She found a decent job this month, so from now on custody will be shared completely equally. So the little one will go to nursery full time, old one will need to go to after school club etc. I've suggested that as we're on equal footing now, going forward I feel it's only right we share childcare costs, and costs for whatever else they need (clothes, activities), and the monthly payment I've been making wouldn't really be justified.
To cut a long story shirt she's gone mental and thinks that besides sharing costs, I should still keep sending her a monthly payment. Her argument seems to be that she buys more clothes and things for them than I do, but I've told her several times that I'm happy to share costs for that.
I love my girls and I think I'm a good dad, I am very patient and calm, cook for them most days, get them ready, always out doing something with them when their days with me fall on the weekends. I am tired of being made to feel like a failure because I don't do their hair as well as their mum, or don't notice they might need a new piece of clothing as often as she does.
Sorry if this rant is a bit heavy, this has just been happening today/yesterday, just trying to understand whether I'm being unreasonable here? Maybe I should approach things differently? It's all very stressful at the minute.
She found a decent job this month, so from now on custody will be shared completely equally. So the little one will go to nursery full time, old one will need to go to after school club etc. I've suggested that as we're on equal footing now, going forward I feel it's only right we share childcare costs, and costs for whatever else they need (clothes, activities), and the monthly payment I've been making wouldn't really be justified.
To cut a long story shirt she's gone mental and thinks that besides sharing costs, I should still keep sending her a monthly payment. Her argument seems to be that she buys more clothes and things for them than I do, but I've told her several times that I'm happy to share costs for that.
I love my girls and I think I'm a good dad, I am very patient and calm, cook for them most days, get them ready, always out doing something with them when their days with me fall on the weekends. I am tired of being made to feel like a failure because I don't do their hair as well as their mum, or don't notice they might need a new piece of clothing as often as she does.
Sorry if this rant is a bit heavy, this has just been happening today/yesterday, just trying to understand whether I'm being unreasonable here? Maybe I should approach things differently? It's all very stressful at the minute.
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