Part-time parents of GOT

[tungetango]

@tungetango One other thing I'll say is that the whole situation does affect your thought processes at a young age as you have to start re-evaluating your life in some regards so, even though they're technically kids, try your best not to talk to them about the situation as if they are. This can depend on the child, for sure...it's something only you'll be able to evaluate as you know them best. Hopefully I'm making sense.

I try to talk to them in a way they respond to and to make them see I listen. God knows if they ever understand that,and heaven knows if I'm hearing them correctly.

But having a fairly strict upbringing in regards to my father myself ,who could decide on the strangest of things I at least try to make them have a saying.
Must admit that the moment I recognize my father in myself when being mad for something isn't really great. Trying to avoid it.
He isn't all bad btw,far from it. But he has his side's. Had maybe I should say.

 

[tungetango]

That's why I mentioned how you talk to your kids about the situation...once a split/divorce happens, have no doubt that their adult factor just went up a notch even if they still act like a kid the majority of the time. Kids don't know why adults do what they do, which makes it worse, but they do know what is or isn't going on and if it's wrong...and in the end that's what matters.

It's good that you got out of that other situation quickly as that was waiting to blow up in your face.

Just stay as involved in their life as you can, that's the best advice I can give...even when they hit the "I hate everyone" years. In the end you can only control so much, so just make sure you've got a good hold of your actions. Time will take care of the rest.

 

[tungetango]

Bloody phone

 

[tungetango]

That's why I mentioned how you talk to your kids about the situation...once a split/divorce happens, have no doubt that their adult factor just went up a notch even if they still act like a kid the majority of the time. Kids don't know why adults do what they do, which makes it worse, but they do know what is or isn't going on and if it's wrong...and in the end that's what matters.

It's good that you got out of that other situation quickly as that was waiting to blow up in your face.

Just stay as involved in their life as you can, that's the best advice I can give...even when they hit the "I hate everyone" years. In the end you can only control so much, so just make sure you've got a good hold of your actions. Time will take care of the rest.

What I tried to post on my phone;
Somehow that sentence struck a nerve. I've always thought that they would learn lessons they shouldn't have to and grow on it but that sentence was actually very spot on. Brilliant said
Thanks for putting it out there. I truly appreciate it.

 

[canuckblue]

Thought this was about the mods....

 

[Gwladys St. Glory]

I try to talk to them in a way they respond to and to make them see I listen. God knows if they ever understand that,and heaven knows if I'm hearing them correctly.

But having a fairly strict upbringing in regards to my father myself ,who could decide on the strangest of things I at least try to make them have a saying.
Must admit that the moment I recognize my father in myself when being mad for something isn't really great. Trying to avoid it.
He isn't all bad btw,far from it. But he has his side's. Had maybe I should say.

At least you're self-aware, that's a start.

Now you're getting in to another factor in all this that becomes skewed and that's the mother/father figure thing. Mom's generally supposed to be the one that lets you get away with stuff and dad brings the hammer down later on. Now both of you has to play the role, depending on the situation. Then you get in to "who does what" if people re-marry, kids can throw out the "you're not my mom/dad!" thing and it's one big fireworks show.

You understand why kids can go to pieces in these situations...especially if the biological parents don't communicate with the kids and each other.

 

[tungetango]

Thought this was about the mods....

Who said it isn't?

 

[canuckblue]

Who said it isn't?

True dat.

 

[tungetango]

At least you're self-aware, that's a start.

Now you're getting in to another factor in all this that becomes skewed and that's the mother/father figure thing. Mom's generally supposed to be the one that lets you get away with stuff and dad brings the hammer down later on. Now both of you has to play the role, depending on the situation. Then you get in to "who does what" if people re-marry, kids can throw out the "you're not my mom/dad!" thing and it's one big fireworks show.

You understand why kids can go to pieces in these situations...especially if the biological parents don't communicate with the kids and each other.

Thanks.
The role playing thing is really something to wreck my head. Especially for the girl. I can see issues coming up there (and already has)that will be really hard to conquer on my my own. So I see the need to have some decent communication with their mom.
I try to appreciate the struggle they go through. And it is only helpful to hear your thoughts. Although the truth is not the same for everyone it cuts through some needless crap to hear from first hand experience

 

[Gwladys St. Glory]

Although the truth is not the same for everyone it cuts through some needless crap to hear from first hand experience

Absolutely not, that's why I've been stressing communication since I feel that is a truth for everyone when it comes to family matters. Pretty much everything else will be, in some way, unique to your situation.

 

[Eggs]

..i really feel for folk in this situation. I suppose you just have to put any differences aside with your ex and come to an arrangement that is best for the kids. It’s great if you can make it work.

 

[tungetango]

..i really feel for folk in this situation. I suppose you just have to put any differences aside with your ex and come to an arrangement that is best for the kids. It’s great if you can make it work.

Yes you have to do.Usually it works out fine. But sometimes you have to suck up any annoyances that comes along because sometimes you are not sure if what you are aggreing to is the best for the kids or the best for the ex...

 

[tungetango]

Absolutely not, that's why I've been stressing communication since I feel that is a truth for everyone when it comes to family matters. Pretty much everything else will be, in some way, unique to your situation.

Stupid adult pride messes things up sometimes.

 

[tungetango]

I'll bump this a couple of times.
Just read a bit in the 'Disposable income"-thread. How was it for you financially after divorce/split ? My economy was an absolute wreck for the first three years. Since I bought the house with mortgages, car loan, student loan and child support the money just passed by my bank account like an optical illusion every pay day. It was really frustrating. Paying for activities for the kids and all that of course had priority as well,but it was though for a while I must admit.

Very ,very luckily I managed to get a better paid job in the same company and after a while was able to have my kids half the time,and pay about half the child support which is about £310 a month as of now. Will probably rise to double that if I have to start working shifts full-time again.

It may sound like I set money up against the kids,but that's not true. It's just a reality.