one liners

Pat's Van · June 10, 2014

I never forget a face, but in your case I'd gladly make an exception - Groucho Marx

ijjysmith · June 10, 2014

I'd like to join that club, and then beat you with it.

- Groucho Marx

chrissyjack · June 10, 2014

Borrow money from pessimists......They won't expect it back

Kurt. · June 10, 2014

Next year is are year ladzzz................... YNWA

Muzumbu · June 10, 2014

"History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce" Karl Marx

Sapie88 · June 10, 2014

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

Jamo Martinez · June 10, 2014

Bill Kenwright is the best man for Everton. - Groucho Marx

Jamo Martinez · June 10, 2014

I put some instant coffee in the microwave. Almost went back in time. - Steven Wright

harris78 · June 11, 2014

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other “Your round.” The other one says “So are you, you fat [Poor language removed]!” - Tommy Cooper

DanEFC92 · June 11, 2014

“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis

“There’s a reason it’s called ‘girls gone wild’ and not ‘women gone wild’. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.” – Louis CK

Dithering Dougie · June 11, 2014

"Ringo the best drummer in the world?.....he's not even the best drummer in the Beatles." John Lennon

magicjuan · June 11, 2014

I never liked you and I always will...

Include me out....

Samuel Goldwyn

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/samuel_goldwyn_2.html

Gwladys St. Glory · June 11, 2014

magicjuan said:
I never liked you and I always will...

New sig for @MoutsGoat there...

degsy · June 11, 2014

Fat bloke goes into a tailors 'have you got something to fit me?'...'If we have' said the manager 'somebody's getting the sack'

man walks into the opticians says I'm short sighted, optician takes him out side, points and says whats that...the Sun said the man... how far do you want to see said the optician.

Policeman stops a motorist, didn't you see the arrows?... didn't even see the 'kin Indians he repied

1st man; I saw the Mother in Law fighting with 6 men
2nd man; Didn't you go and help.
1st man; No, they seemed to be winning.

Tommy Cooper; Are you going to the cup final this year
Queen; No.
Tommy Cooper; Can I have your ticket then.