You holding tight? Sound, it’s going to be quite some ride. And in every journey there’ll be [Poor language removed] along the way – so no better way to start a new year than in the very heart of twatdom itself. Noooocasssle!
It’s a good indication of how tight things are going to be for that fourth spot that you possess it one week and then lose it the next causing you some anger and envy. It’s like a Lord Of The Rings for an overweight middle aged Everton loving generation.
The Chelsea result was harsh on the balance of play but it was similar to many games against them five years or so, their very expensive better players made the difference in the end. They done a great job on us. The difference is these days is that we usually have Fellaini, Gibson, Mirallas, Coleman and an in form Jelavic to play with which if they would have been on the pitch would have likely gained us three points.
We got to start getting that second goal cushion though. We have some sort of communal inability to get it. Posts, near misses, offsides and poor finishing prohibit it. At one nil the game is still on a knife edge, at two nil it’s that wee bit of distance which reduces anxiety levels in the players and less them start doing even acer things.
In our (could be misguided) exertions for fourth we encounter last year’s pretenders to the jarg throne who are this year having an absolute stinker. In the past couple of games they’ve been like a cheap Chinese imitation of Kevin Keegans’s entertaining yet ultimately sh*te team fifteen years ago with a couple of high scoring thrillers.
Perhaps it’s having the UEFA Cup on Thursdays causing overload on not the biggest of squads. Maybe they just hit it lucky last year with injuries and form and are managed by a silver haired f*cking swede of a man who if there’s any karma on this beautiful green planet of ours will end up pissing his pants penniless and mocked from every corner of the island.
Pardew is one utter cockstain. The smug little prick is boss when he’s winning and the media is saying nice things about him. The only decent contribution he’s gave to the wider football world is scoring a goal that knocked the sh*te out of an FA Cup semi final twenty years ago. You wouldn’t trust your bird around him that’s for sure, in his slim fit shirts and stench of a man permanently on the edge of a full mid life breakdown.
There’s been some offering pity to Newcastle this season as they’ve clearly got some decent players and it just hasn’t clicked but I’d loathe to forget their most tittish of behaviour when they were doing well for themselves and sneering at us. We don’t forget that stuff you bells, because we can spot a yo yo club at a hundred yards and you always find your level. What’s our name you half Scottish scruffs?
I can drop the bravado now as always commented they’re generally sound away from the football if not a little uncomplicated people. A Geordie with a drink in his hand is the very definition of optimism itself. Suddenly the world has no boundaries and it’s haway bonny lad as the Lynx Africa smelling oath pesters any female within a twenty yard radius before taking his top off and pouring a drink over himself to show how much of a good time he’s having. You give him a false email address and surname on holiday to prevent further contact but while the sun is shining he’s preferable to most other males from different parts of England.
We’re here to talk about the footie so that’s what we’ll do. These good players I mentioned are plentiful in the attack part of their field.
Demba Ba is a huge [Poor language removed] up from Everton considering we were in against them and wouldn’t pay his wages. He’s netted more than Jelavic and is one fine striker. His knees are meant to be made out of couscous but he slots like man possessed. He’s unfortunately afflicted with that worst of all afflictions for current footballers in that he’s a greedy bastards up his own arse and with an over ambitious agent so he might not be staying there too long which is a shame as Newcastle aren’t the wee club in the North East like Ferguson portrayed.
When Ba isn’t on his game then there’s that Cisse lad who again is all athletic pace power and finishing. When the two of them are on form there aren’t many forward partnerships in the country and they help cover a lot of inadequacies in the rest of the Newcastle team by scoring vital goals to keep them in games.
In midfield they’ve got a few options. Birgirimana, who looks a little like Pepe Le Pew, had been getting a game or two as have the speedy but not all that Obertan on the wing. Tiote is something of a main stay but hasn’t reached the heights this year of the previous season but Anita has come in and is technically a very decent footballer.
They’re missing Cabaye a great deal, one superb footballer, but he’s thankfully out for about another month from an initial groin injury. Also missing is Ben Arfa who runs his own personal goal of the season competition when fit.
Defence – like most Newcastle teams – is something of a weak spot. Not that we’re in any position to laugh with our lack of clean sheets but they will afford us some chances. Colocinni is a very decent defender but around him they’re a bit limited. Williamson is laughably bad on the few times I’ve seen them and Perch is like a worse version of Hibbert: a lot of effort but not as good as defending as Tony has in his locker. They’ve just spent £5m on a French right back called Debuchy who may get his first start. Davide Santon should be at left back, he’s good going forward but suspect defensively. Oh for Mirallas and Coleman marauding down that wing. Tim Krul – whose eyes drift apart each year more than the continents – will keep goal.
We don’t do many defeats anymore so we’ll be counting on some form of backlash. Well for the first fifteen minutes at least before we get frustrated from not being able to score.
At the heart of all this none scoring has been Jelavic, he’s been getting some stick for it too but against Chelsea I, anyway, seen some glimpses of him getting back to it. He was desperately unlucky hitting the woodwork twice and throughout this whole glib period he hasn’t stop working like an overeager YTS lad so that stands him in good stead. Being paired up front with Anichebe has helped and particularly last game out as the Nigerian international (I hate it when the media do that) worked his boots off. Fellaini could return to his defacto position for this game or Moyes could take a chance on that weak defence of Newcastle.
Midfield is problematic for us at the minute. Gibson will be out for another month which is a bit ominous. As ace as he’s been and will continue to be we need a back up plan. Whether that Belgian colleague of him will come in on loan in January or not we’ll see.
I predict Neville passing a late fitness test and lining up there with the best Osman we’ve seen throughout his career. He’s at times a joy to watch. If Neville doesn’t make it then Hitzlsperger will continue and he’s sound enough but there’s something I just can’t put my finger on him with. He’s like an Everton signing from 1997 in that you know he’s there and you see him playing but you’re not sure what he’s doing too much. There’s still time like. Pienaar was brilliant first half last game out and he’ll start on the left as Naismith probably will on the right.
The right back thing is a pain despite Jagielka’s commendable efforts it just stands out a bit. We need him and Distin in the middle to achieve the holy grail of a clean sheet and soon. Heitinga just isn’t happening this season is he? Baines will start thankfully on the left and it’s going to be a game too soon for Coleman on the right I think. Howard and his non match saving saves will keep the goal relatively safe.
We’re down to sixth and that’s not the end of the world but there’s so much riding on us being around that fourth spot. The three London clubs unfortunately seem to have found their gears and we need to keep pace, starting with a very decent result against these. They will be well up for it too thanks to a couple of disappointing away results so it won’t be easy.
But weak analogic journeys in previews never are. Happy New Year y’all.
It’s a good indication of how tight things are going to be for that fourth spot that you possess it one week and then lose it the next causing you some anger and envy. It’s like a Lord Of The Rings for an overweight middle aged Everton loving generation.
The Chelsea result was harsh on the balance of play but it was similar to many games against them five years or so, their very expensive better players made the difference in the end. They done a great job on us. The difference is these days is that we usually have Fellaini, Gibson, Mirallas, Coleman and an in form Jelavic to play with which if they would have been on the pitch would have likely gained us three points.
We got to start getting that second goal cushion though. We have some sort of communal inability to get it. Posts, near misses, offsides and poor finishing prohibit it. At one nil the game is still on a knife edge, at two nil it’s that wee bit of distance which reduces anxiety levels in the players and less them start doing even acer things.
In our (could be misguided) exertions for fourth we encounter last year’s pretenders to the jarg throne who are this year having an absolute stinker. In the past couple of games they’ve been like a cheap Chinese imitation of Kevin Keegans’s entertaining yet ultimately sh*te team fifteen years ago with a couple of high scoring thrillers.
Perhaps it’s having the UEFA Cup on Thursdays causing overload on not the biggest of squads. Maybe they just hit it lucky last year with injuries and form and are managed by a silver haired f*cking swede of a man who if there’s any karma on this beautiful green planet of ours will end up pissing his pants penniless and mocked from every corner of the island.
Pardew is one utter cockstain. The smug little prick is boss when he’s winning and the media is saying nice things about him. The only decent contribution he’s gave to the wider football world is scoring a goal that knocked the sh*te out of an FA Cup semi final twenty years ago. You wouldn’t trust your bird around him that’s for sure, in his slim fit shirts and stench of a man permanently on the edge of a full mid life breakdown.
There’s been some offering pity to Newcastle this season as they’ve clearly got some decent players and it just hasn’t clicked but I’d loathe to forget their most tittish of behaviour when they were doing well for themselves and sneering at us. We don’t forget that stuff you bells, because we can spot a yo yo club at a hundred yards and you always find your level. What’s our name you half Scottish scruffs?
I can drop the bravado now as always commented they’re generally sound away from the football if not a little uncomplicated people. A Geordie with a drink in his hand is the very definition of optimism itself. Suddenly the world has no boundaries and it’s haway bonny lad as the Lynx Africa smelling oath pesters any female within a twenty yard radius before taking his top off and pouring a drink over himself to show how much of a good time he’s having. You give him a false email address and surname on holiday to prevent further contact but while the sun is shining he’s preferable to most other males from different parts of England.
We’re here to talk about the footie so that’s what we’ll do. These good players I mentioned are plentiful in the attack part of their field.
Demba Ba is a huge [Poor language removed] up from Everton considering we were in against them and wouldn’t pay his wages. He’s netted more than Jelavic and is one fine striker. His knees are meant to be made out of couscous but he slots like man possessed. He’s unfortunately afflicted with that worst of all afflictions for current footballers in that he’s a greedy bastards up his own arse and with an over ambitious agent so he might not be staying there too long which is a shame as Newcastle aren’t the wee club in the North East like Ferguson portrayed.
When Ba isn’t on his game then there’s that Cisse lad who again is all athletic pace power and finishing. When the two of them are on form there aren’t many forward partnerships in the country and they help cover a lot of inadequacies in the rest of the Newcastle team by scoring vital goals to keep them in games.
In midfield they’ve got a few options. Birgirimana, who looks a little like Pepe Le Pew, had been getting a game or two as have the speedy but not all that Obertan on the wing. Tiote is something of a main stay but hasn’t reached the heights this year of the previous season but Anita has come in and is technically a very decent footballer.
They’re missing Cabaye a great deal, one superb footballer, but he’s thankfully out for about another month from an initial groin injury. Also missing is Ben Arfa who runs his own personal goal of the season competition when fit.
Defence – like most Newcastle teams – is something of a weak spot. Not that we’re in any position to laugh with our lack of clean sheets but they will afford us some chances. Colocinni is a very decent defender but around him they’re a bit limited. Williamson is laughably bad on the few times I’ve seen them and Perch is like a worse version of Hibbert: a lot of effort but not as good as defending as Tony has in his locker. They’ve just spent £5m on a French right back called Debuchy who may get his first start. Davide Santon should be at left back, he’s good going forward but suspect defensively. Oh for Mirallas and Coleman marauding down that wing. Tim Krul – whose eyes drift apart each year more than the continents – will keep goal.
We don’t do many defeats anymore so we’ll be counting on some form of backlash. Well for the first fifteen minutes at least before we get frustrated from not being able to score.
At the heart of all this none scoring has been Jelavic, he’s been getting some stick for it too but against Chelsea I, anyway, seen some glimpses of him getting back to it. He was desperately unlucky hitting the woodwork twice and throughout this whole glib period he hasn’t stop working like an overeager YTS lad so that stands him in good stead. Being paired up front with Anichebe has helped and particularly last game out as the Nigerian international (I hate it when the media do that) worked his boots off. Fellaini could return to his defacto position for this game or Moyes could take a chance on that weak defence of Newcastle.
Midfield is problematic for us at the minute. Gibson will be out for another month which is a bit ominous. As ace as he’s been and will continue to be we need a back up plan. Whether that Belgian colleague of him will come in on loan in January or not we’ll see.
I predict Neville passing a late fitness test and lining up there with the best Osman we’ve seen throughout his career. He’s at times a joy to watch. If Neville doesn’t make it then Hitzlsperger will continue and he’s sound enough but there’s something I just can’t put my finger on him with. He’s like an Everton signing from 1997 in that you know he’s there and you see him playing but you’re not sure what he’s doing too much. There’s still time like. Pienaar was brilliant first half last game out and he’ll start on the left as Naismith probably will on the right.
The right back thing is a pain despite Jagielka’s commendable efforts it just stands out a bit. We need him and Distin in the middle to achieve the holy grail of a clean sheet and soon. Heitinga just isn’t happening this season is he? Baines will start thankfully on the left and it’s going to be a game too soon for Coleman on the right I think. Howard and his non match saving saves will keep the goal relatively safe.
We’re down to sixth and that’s not the end of the world but there’s so much riding on us being around that fourth spot. The three London clubs unfortunately seem to have found their gears and we need to keep pace, starting with a very decent result against these. They will be well up for it too thanks to a couple of disappointing away results so it won’t be easy.
But weak analogic journeys in previews never are. Happy New Year y’all.
