Jokes about the RS or jokes in general

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GraemeS1980

GraemeS1980

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A Liverpool fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Red and white top. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Liverpool fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Liverpool fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Liverpool supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me.
Here's your thirty quid back, now **** off".
 

a kopite is walking down the high st when he see's a video entitled "Liverpool, The Glory Years" in the window of a charity shop.
He goes in and says to the assistant, "eh ar kid, ow much for the pool video like?"
"£100" says the assistant.
"thats a bit steep innit la?" says the kopite, "ow come its dat dear soft lad?"
"well" said the assistant, the video is just a quid but its £99 for the betamax player"
 

a teacher starts a new job in a primary school in anfield and wants to make a good impression with her class on the first day.
She explains to her class that she likes football and is a liverpool supporter and asks for all the children who support liverpool to raise their hands.
All the children except one put up their hands.
The teacher is suprised and says "Mary, why didnt you raise your hand?"
Mary replies " because miss i dont support liverpool, i support west ham."
the teacher is amazed and tells mary to explain why.
"well miss" said Mary, "my parents are both from the east end and they support West Ham"
"dont be silly" said the still amazed teacher,"you dont have to be just like your parents, what if your mum was a prostitute and your dada was a druggie and a car thief, would you be like them then?"
"No" said Mary..."i would be a liverpool fan like all you c**ts"
 
Leonard Rossiter said:
a teacher starts a new job in a primary school in anfield and wants to make a good impression with her class on the first day.
She explains to her class that she likes football and is a liverpool supporter and asks for all the children who support liverpool to raise their hands.
All the children except one put up their hands.
The teacher is suprised and says "Mary, why didnt you raise your hand?"
Mary replies " because miss i dont support liverpool, i support west ham."
the teacher is amazed and tells mary to explain why.
"well miss" said Mary, "my parents are both from the east end and they support West Ham"
"dont be silly" said the still amazed teacher,"you dont have to be just like your parents, what if your mum was a prostitute and your dada was a druggie and a car thief, would you be like them then?"
"No" said Mary..."i would be a liverpool fan like all you c**ts"
Click to expand...

hahahaha....mobile rep squire
 

scientists have discovered that many men in the UK have penises measuring 3 inches or smaller...to help raise awareness of this problem thay have asked them to identify themselves by flying LFC flags from their cars.
 
A fella dies and goes to heaven. After reaching the pearly gates the chap says to St Peter, " I have always tried to be a good man and live a good life, I appreciate being brought to heaven but can I please just get a glimpse of what hell is like?"
St Peter considered it for a while and then agreed and led him to a heavenly elevator.
"take this lift to the very bottom floor" said St Peter, "but when the door opens, whatever you do, do not get out"
So the fella was gratefull and got into the lift and pressed the button for the bottom floor.
Eventuall the lift arrived and the door opened, before him the guy saw a lifeless frozen wasteland with mountains of ice, covered with blankets of snow. Remembering St Peters advice, the guy closed the doors and returned to Heaven.
When he returned to the Pearly gates the fella decided to ask St peter about it,
"I thought Hell would be fire and brimstone" he said, "but it was just the opposite, ice and snow everywhere"
"Hmmmm" said St Peter, " that must mean Liverpool have won the Premier League"
 
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?

A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
 

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