ravaro
Player Valuation: £750k
From the Daily Mash 
INCOMPREHENSIBLE Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish has inadvertently signed more than £20m worth of fruit-covered ice cream treats from Dutch giants Ajax.
Not sure, sounded like 'clit my frog basket'
The iconic scowl has now been forced to employ interpreters to make his transfer requests understood after buying a huge quantity of non-footballing items from Europe's leading clubs.
Ajax manager Frank De Boer said: "Mr Dalglish came into my office and told me he wants to buy 'lots of Soleros' and that he has more than £20m available. The fleet of trucks leaves next Monday.
"We even managed to negotiate a £5m add-on fee for some training cones and a tablecloth, although I think he may actually have been trying to order a taxi at the time."
The trip to Ajax has brought Liverpool's January spending up to £35 million after Dalglish left the San Siro in Milan with eight tons of topsoil and then ordered 40,000 pies from Aston Villa.
But he has recouped £7m after accidentally selling Ryan Babel to Hoffenheim during a takeaway pizza order.
Dalglish has yet to win a game during his new stint at Liverpool as he continues to struggle with basic sentences and many of the foreign players are under the impression the manager is still Roy Hodgson after having had some botox and a stroke.
Assistant Sammy Lee said: "Sometimes I look into his eyes and I can almost sense what he's trying to tell me.
"Hopefully, unlike his two predecessors, it's not that there's a draught coming from somewhere or that he's being targeted by Mossad because of his shoes."
INCOMPREHENSIBLE Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish has inadvertently signed more than £20m worth of fruit-covered ice cream treats from Dutch giants Ajax.
Not sure, sounded like 'clit my frog basket'
The iconic scowl has now been forced to employ interpreters to make his transfer requests understood after buying a huge quantity of non-footballing items from Europe's leading clubs.
Ajax manager Frank De Boer said: "Mr Dalglish came into my office and told me he wants to buy 'lots of Soleros' and that he has more than £20m available. The fleet of trucks leaves next Monday.
"We even managed to negotiate a £5m add-on fee for some training cones and a tablecloth, although I think he may actually have been trying to order a taxi at the time."
The trip to Ajax has brought Liverpool's January spending up to £35 million after Dalglish left the San Siro in Milan with eight tons of topsoil and then ordered 40,000 pies from Aston Villa.
But he has recouped £7m after accidentally selling Ryan Babel to Hoffenheim during a takeaway pizza order.
Dalglish has yet to win a game during his new stint at Liverpool as he continues to struggle with basic sentences and many of the foreign players are under the impression the manager is still Roy Hodgson after having had some botox and a stroke.
Assistant Sammy Lee said: "Sometimes I look into his eyes and I can almost sense what he's trying to tell me.
"Hopefully, unlike his two predecessors, it's not that there's a draught coming from somewhere or that he's being targeted by Mossad because of his shoes."
