Holiday Disasters

[COYBL25]

Anyone had a particularly memorable holiday for the wrong reasons ?.

Years ago me and a mate at the time who was a DJ went on an ultra last minute cheap week to St Pauls in Malta. The omens weren't good when the first night there a Maltese lady had a domestic in the town square with her fella and stated shooting at him with a tiny pistol she pulled out of her handbag.
About 3 nights into the holiday my mate met 2 girls who knew him from his DJ,ing and we started to knock round with them by the pool etc. What they didn't tell us was that they'd pulled 2 Maltese lads and when we came out of a club one night with the girls these lads and their mates where waiting for us proper tooled up. Needless to say we legged and managed to get back to the hotel, where we had to remain for the rest of the holiday due to the Maltese boys actively seeking us out - apparently it was an honour thing.

That's the first part. Due to being so bored with our confinement in the hotel we drank solid for the best part of four days, without eating much. The net result was my mate developed a stomach ulcer which resulted in him bleeding from his arse and much pain. When we got to the airport my mate couldn't find his passport and they would only let me on the flight home due to this. I couldn't leave my mate as by now he had no money at all and was in much pain, so had to spend 3 night on the airport floor until he could get an emergency passport. The consul wouldn't pay for our flight as it was our fault so I had it shell out over 600 quid to get the two of us home . He never paid me back and I never saw him again !

 

[Pienaar's gloves]

Anyone had a particularly memorable holiday for the wrong reasons ?.

Years ago me and a mate at the time who was a DJ went on an ultra last minute cheap week to St Pauls in Malta. The omens weren't good when the first night there a Maltese lady had a domestic in the town square with her fella and stated shooting at him with a tiny pistol she pulled out of her handbag.
About 3 nights into the holiday my mate met 2 girls who knew him from his DJ,ing and we started to knock round with them by the pool etc. What they didn't tell us was that they'd pulled 2 Maltese lads and when we came out of a club one night with the girls these lads and their mates where waiting for us proper tooled up. Needless to say we legged and managed to get back to the hotel, where we had to remain for the rest of the holiday due to the Maltese boys actively seeking us out - apparently it was an honour thing.

That's the first part. Due to being so bored with our confinement in the hotel we drank solid for the best part of four days, without eating much. The net result was my mate developed a stomach ulcer which resulted in him bleeding from his arse and much pain. When we got to the airport my mate couldn't find his passport and they would only let me on the flight home due to this. I couldn't leave my mate as by now he had no money at all and was in much pain, so had to spend 3 night on the airport floor until he could get an emergency passport. The consul wouldn't pay for our flight as it was our fault so I had it shell out over 600 quid to get the two of us home . He never paid me back and I never saw him again !

Your mate was a woeful bellend.

 

[ijjysmith]

Went to Portugal.

Burnt the living crap out of my feet on day two in the sun.

I've shared the pic on here before. Horrendous. Blisters the size of Chicos head.

Portuguese medical centres are like something from the dark ages by the way.

 

[Fresh Prince of Belle Val]

Malaga away preseason. Got our room robbed by a profession theif from Halewood. All my money and £500 worth of ciggies. Spitroasted some skank who later pretended she had been spiked. Despite all this it was the best holiday I ever had.

 

[roydo]

Not a disaster, but, er, difficult.

Years ago, a condom bust on me and the former Mrs R. We were in France. So I end up in a very crowded chemist on a saturday morning trying to explain, and see if I could I get a "morning after pill". My french is awful.

"Le condom est kaput" was all I could manage. No dice, despite then talking loudly and slowly in English.

Realised the French are quite thick, and crossed my fingers instead.

All good in the end.

 

[COYBL25]

Your mate was a woeful bellend.

Yep, a total bell .

 

[COYBL25]

Malaga away preseason. Got our room robbed by a profession theif from Halewood. All my money and £500 worth of ciggies. Spitroasted some skank who later pretended she had been spiked. Despite all this it was the best holiday I ever had.

Malaga is along way from Halewood !

 

[Bungle]

Got a headache when I was in Devon, the afternoon was a write off.

 

[Foot Long Hot Dog]

Sorry about the £600 mate, be good to see you again though.

P.s. I fingered yer Ma

 

[Fresh Prince of Belle Val]

Malaga is along way from Halewood !

Yep, Costa del Crime full of Scouse crooks. All that way to get robbed by someone from the next post code.

 

[Lowste]

In Rhyl one year and me and my girlfriend (now wife) went to s club one night, called the Orange Peel. going back in the day ourselves and our friends the other end of the M62 didn't get on to well. Well I was walking back from the bar with my pint and her red witch, I accidentally knocked into a group of lads, I apologised but it was no good. next minute the place was like a scene from a western, bottles, punches and chairs flying everywhere. All I can remember was getting dragged out by the bouncers and then starting to walk away with the other lads who had jumped in for me. Then it hit me like a bolt from the blue, my girlfriend!!!!!! I had to go back and plead with the bouncers, next minute she come walking out and I will be honest I was more scared of her than what had gone on earlier
We laugh about it now.......I wish

 

[Pienaar's gloves]

Been to Ireland dozens of times with my family to visit grandparents etc., been twice without them, once with my girlfriend and once with my two best mates - both just to Dublin for a jolly.

When I went last summer with my mates we rolled into the hostel at 4am, smashed off our heads but making a concerted effort to be quiet and got into bed.

Ten minutes later two lads from Southampton rolled in also smashed and started setting off sounds on his mobile through some app. It was childish but we couldn't help but laugh, a lot. At this point a Yorkshireman in his sixties woke up and kicked off big style and telling us that he was going to 'smash us in' because he had to get up for a flight to India in the morning.

Of course, more laughing, until he rounded on one of these lads from down south and dragged him off the top of a bunk bed by his ankles and slammed his head on the floor. Loads of screaming and he packed up and bailed fast. This lad refused to go the hospital but had a lump like I've never seen before.

Story for the grandkids. We swapped hostels.

 

[toffee matt]

In Rhyl one year and me and my girlfriend (now wife) went to s club one night, called the Orange Peel. going back in the day ourselves and our friends the other end of the M62 didn't get on to well. Well I was walking back from the bar with my pint and her red witch, I accidentally knocked into a group of lads, I apologised but it was no good. next minute the place was like a scene from a western, bottles, punches and chairs flying everywhere. All I can remember was getting dragged out by the bouncers and then starting to walk away with the other lads who had jumped in for me. Then it hit me like a bolt from the blue, my girlfriend!!!!!! I had to go back and plead with the bouncers, next minute she come walking out and I will be honest I was more scared of her than what had gone on earlier
We laugh about it now.......I wish

Sounds like a standard night in rhyl tbf

 

[Fresh Prince of Belle Val]

Been to Ireland dozens of times with my family to visit grandparents etc., been twice without them, once with my girlfriend and once with my two best mates - both just to Dublin for a jolly.

When I went last summer with my mates we rolled into the hostel at 4am, smashed off our heads but making a concerted effort to be quiet and got into bed.

Ten minutes later two lads from Southampton rolled in also smashed and started setting off sounds on his mobile through some app. It was childish but we couldn't help but laugh, a lot. At this point a Yorkshireman in his sixties woke up and kicked off big style and telling us that he was going to 'smash us in' because he had to get up for a flight to India in the morning.

Of course, more laughing, until he rounded on one of these lads from down south and dragged him off the top of a bunk bed by his ankles and slammed his head on the floor. Loads of screaming and he packed up and bailed fast. This lad refused to go the hospital but had a lump like I've never seen before.

Story for the grandkids. We swapped hostels.

I'm so happy for that Yorkshire fella.

 

[Boss_Blue]

Spitroasted some skank who later pretended she had been spiked

Are you a professional footballer?