Funny life experiences you can't tell your mother.

[TyphooToffee]

I recently bought a fitness tracker watch but soon realised it was too annoying to wear as a watch due to the slowness of reaction of the 'twist wrist/raise arm to to show time' function. So I wear a normal watch on one wrist and the tracker on the other.

The other morning I noticed that I had apparently taken over 600 steps around one in the morning. I told my wife and she said I must have been sleepwalking because I was in bed by midnight. I knew the real reason so I told her:"

"You know what I said about sometimes needing a helping hand when I can't get to sleep?"

"Ye-ees"

""Well I wear my watch on my left wrist."

She laughed because she knows that I'm right handed!

(It helps if you know how tracker watches count steps)

 

[coollino]

That the first time my she met my gf was when my gf took a pil at 6am in the taxi back to their house and she was off her face for lunch the next day. Mum had no Idea and still talks about the first time they met.

Still together after 10 years and my mum loves her more than me.

 

[Frang]

I recently bought a fitness tracker watch but soon realised it was too annoying to wear as a watch due to the slowness of reaction of the 'twist wrist/raise arm to to show time' function. So I wear a normal watch on one wrist and the tracker on the other.

The other morning I noticed that I had apparently taken over 600 steps around one in the morning. I told my wife and she said I must have been sleepwalking because I was in bed by midnight. I knew the real reason so I told her:"

"You know what I said about sometimes needing a helping hand when I can't get to sleep?"

"Ye-ees"

""Well I wear my watch on my left wrist."

She laughed because she knows that I'm right handed!

(It helps if you know how tracker watches count steps)

have everton lost today lads??


LADS??

 

[FC sexy xxx]

That the first time my she met my gf was when my gf took a pil at 6am in the taxi back to their house and she was off her face for lunch the next day. Mum had no Idea and still talks about the first time they met.

Still together after 10 years and my mum loves her more than me.

Yer ma and her probably get on the Gary’s together now mate that’s why she loves her more than you,

 

[Frang]

Yer ma and her probably get on the Gary’s together now mate that’s why she loves her more than you,

'your like a bloody daughter to me you are...'


oh


wait a min ...

 

[Bungle]

I recently bought a fitness tracker watch but soon realised it was too annoying to wear as a watch due to the slowness of reaction of the 'twist wrist/raise arm to to show time' function. So I wear a normal watch on one wrist and the tracker on the other.

The other morning I noticed that I had apparently taken over 600 steps around one in the morning. I told my wife and she said I must have been sleepwalking because I was in bed by midnight. I knew the real reason so I told her:"

"You know what I said about sometimes needing a helping hand when I can't get to sleep?"

"Ye-ees"

""Well I wear my watch on my left wrist."

She laughed because she knows that I'm right handed!

(It helps if you know how tracker watches count steps)

Have you essentially started a thread to tell us it takes you 600 steps to ejaculate?

 

[COYBL25]

This is the type of thread that @Ashtonian would`ve lit up.

RIP.

 

[Frang]

Have you essentially started a thread to tell us it takes you 600 steps to ejaculate?

bloody hell its only 12 to come off heroin..

 

[Groucho]

The bit with the... no. I can’t tell anyone any all.

 

[dandydan]

I once asked my sainted mother to wire me some money to Germany as I had blown everything I had on liqour and whores, so no, no stories from me.

 

[Reidy's Bottle Of Grecian]

Have you essentially started a thread to tell us it takes you 600 steps to ejaculate?

He misread the instructions where it said to "go for a walk." Unless it was the greatest typo of all time ?

 

[TyphooToffee]

Have you essentially started a thread to tell us it takes you 600 steps to ejaculate?

I wasn't walking around the house at the time. Good God man, it's difficult enough at my age in a standing position. Besides, it's the humour in the realisation of what had been recorded, not the timespan.

And who said I ejaculated? I might have just collapsed through sheer exhaustion.

 

[TyphooToffee]

He misread the instructions where it said to "go for a walk." Unless it was the greatest typo of all time ?

Well it was translated from Chinese

 

[Reidy's Bottle Of Grecian]

Ask her to try & 'beat' your Record.