Funny Amazon Reviews

[orchard]

Please post here.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bartoline-19925070-750ml-Spirit-White/dp/B005EFUSQW/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
5.0 out of 5 stars Delicious!!!, 24 Oct 2013

By
Eric - See all my reviews

This review is from: Bartoline 19925070 750ml Spirit - White (DIY & Tools)

I would safely recommend this product to any one with little ones, since its a delicious alternative to milk!

On occasion, my wife was at work and I needed to feed the baby only to realise at the last minute that we run out of formula so low and behold, I used my trusted Bartoline white spirit and Bob's your uncle, job done, baby fed, happy and above all quiet for sometime.

Thumbs up!!!

Sniderman's:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/cdp/memb..._pr_auth_rev?ie=UTF8&sort_by=MostRecentReview

 

[orchard]

White Spirit 750ml
Offered by MightyHousewares
Price: £4.84

4 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Heaven in a glass, 14 Feb 2013
This review is from: White Spirit 750ml
Knocks the socks of the -not so- "Sacred" muck I've been drinking up to now. You can keep your exotic botanicals, fancy arsed vacuum distillation techniques and eye watering price tag, this is the real McCoy and no mistake. Accept no imitation from now on its White Spirit for me and no second rate imitations.

 

[orchard]

White Spirit 750ml
Offered by MightyHousewares
Price: £4.84

5 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Something for the Festive season, 22 Dec 2012
This review is from: White Spirit 750ml
I've read the reviews and have bought the product.
My life! What a hidden gem.
I'm surprised that no-one has spoken about this before. I'm more surprised that one reviewer has decided to use this to restore his Brushes. Clearly he must be barking. Did he/she not try this with Ice?

 

[Bungle]

This review is from: Kleenex Facial Tissue, 85 Count (Pack of 36) (Health and Beauty)
I want to start this off by thanking Kleenex for selling these in 36-packs. I've put it on subscription, and if they want to start selling a 72-pack, sign me up. I have three reasons for needing this much Kleenex, and their names are Liam, Samuel and Hank.

This is how it goes in this house. First the Kleenex disappears. Then the toilet paper. Then they go for fabrics. And you don't want it to get there, unless you're ready to invest in a five gallon drum of Fabreeze.

This used to be a good Christian home. But it's not about moral judgment anymore. I'm way beyond that. I'm in survival mode. If I don't supply absorbent paper products, I'm going to find my dish towels hidden in the basement, stiff as aluminum. The other day, I almost cut my hand on a sock. I am sorry to speak so frankly, but with three teenage boys, a woman has got to be practical.

The funny part is, they think they're being sneaky, with their 45 minute showers and sudden need for "privacy", as if I'm going to walk in on them journaling. They slink around the house like unfixed cats, while I try to announce my location at all times. No one needs to ask me to knock anymore. I knock on the walls. I practically wear a cow bell. I'm not looking to catch anyone by surprise, believe me. I'm just trying to get through this.

The other day my husband was watching me unload the groceries, and he asks me, all sweetness and light, "Honey, what're you doing with all that Kleenex?"

I about knocked him off his chair.

 

[orchard]

White Spirit 750ml
Offered by MightyHousewares
Price: £4.84

1 of 5 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not in my jam-jar, 20 Feb 2013
This review is from: White Spirit 750ml
Oh dear, not even with the fish. Barrettine have really let the consumer down with this offering. Having been a devotee of Barrettine's methylated spirit for some years now, I foolishly opted for the new over the known, but frankly wish I hadn't. This stuff would take the paint off a sideboard! An evening with my girlfriend, a pepperoni pizza, and a 750ml bottle of Barrettines white spirit - perfect! except that it wasn't. After the third jam-jar of the stuff my girlfriend turned into a horse and flew round the room making me dizzy. Worse, she slapped me very hard and employed opprobrium, calling my sanguinity into question. If I still had my eyesight, I may have noticed her tears and tried to comfort her. As it was, I just nursed the bottle, singing the word teabag over and over in a high falsetto. Take my advice, stay safe. Barrettine's yes, but spend the extra pence and get meths. You know it makes sense.

 

[Bungle]

This review is from: English Grammar For Dummies (Paperback)
When i first come to America, my english did cause me problems. In Soviet Russia i was strong teacher, my english i know is the best in all of Petropavlovsk. My brother, Mikhail, he say to me, "Nikolai you go to America, they make you rich like czar, take many woman as lover, kill many bear". My brother, he is very wise, is greatest toymaker in all of Russia. So next day i wake up, sell my house, say goodbye to wife and children, and go to America to become millionaire. Then in America, I go to job interview and they say to me "Nikolai, you are not for the job here, you are not the skills we need, your english is poor like child". I take that man and smash his table, i say "someday i will be greatest man in all of country, your children will wish me their father!". That day my anger is best of me. It is then i know i must learn better english, so i buy book "English Grammer it is for Dummies" by Mr.Woods. Now i am perfect english grammer! I write letter to Mikhail, he write back "Nikolai, your english is like a god, you will be millionaire soon! all of Petropavlovsk is proud for you! good luck brother! please send letter when you are president or maybe even czar! Hahaha! also, your wife is killed by bear". So i say thanks to Mr.Woods for his book! When i am czar your family will be spared! Hahahaha! (is joke).

 

[jaycee]

I remember reading one for hair removal "VEET" i think it was
one of the funniest things i ever read

 

[Bungle]

I remember reading one for hair removal "VEET" i think it was
one of the funniest things i ever read

There are quite a few brilliant ones for that VEET product, here's one though

This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)

 

[Foot Long Hot Dog]

Dr Sniderman's reviews had me literally crying there.

Quality.

 

[toffee matt]

Dr Sniderman's reviews had me literally crying there.

Quality.

Their pretty funny.

Although they narrow the potential suspects down