Mariah Carey.
Your turn.
Your turn.
Bah Humbug! - Things you dislike about Christmas
- Thread starter GrandOldTeam
- Start date
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Professor Toffee
On and on, over the hill and the craic is good
Having to drink so much alcohol
That song an abomination. An affront to God.
It being in the middle of my wife's and my two kids birthdays. FFS. Should've planned that a bit better.
Might have to update this thread title "Bah Humbug! - Things you dislike about Christmas - Except Mariah Carey"
And then start a new Mariah Carey thread...
And then start a new Mariah Carey thread...
gianthogweed
Player Valuation: £25m
The main thing buying stuff gifts and what not i find this time of year a terrible inconvenience
Roger Milla
Player Valuation: £20m
Turkey
Buble
Crackers
Quizzes
Forced Fun
and just about every other stereotypical nonsense nobheads do at that time of year.
Buble
Crackers
Quizzes
Forced Fun
and just about every other stereotypical nonsense nobheads do at that time of year.
Dithering Dougie
Banned
Hangovers
Trying to get served in pubs
Trying to get served in pubs
bluemangroup
Player Valuation: £70m
This and taxis are the most annoying things.
Seamus Colemole
Previously deathbyropeandglass
Christmas.
Except Mariah Carey, I like her.
Except Mariah Carey, I like her.
Foot Long Hot Dog
Player Valuation: A packet of pork scratchings
The forced joviality
Christmas cards - I mean what's the f'ing point?
Paper hats
The consumerism
Christmas cards - I mean what's the f'ing point?
Paper hats
The consumerism
It's a very specific moment: despite promising myself for weeks, boldly insisting to anyone who'll listen, that it won't happen. It's December 23rd, 6pm, and Noddy Holder's gruff declaration rings around an obscure shopping mall on the outskirts of hell as I subtly nudge a pregnant lady out of the way to get my ironically mittoned hands on the last greasy copy of Jeremy Clarkson's Here are Some Opinions Vol 17 - a passive aggressive gift for my step-father - while the cheese and yule toastie from Costa congeals with the cinnamon cream latte in my stomach and the sadness in my heart to curiously tighten my scrotum, almost as if my genitals are attempting to murder themselves.
I turn. As if by Christmas miracle, the pregnant lady's water has broken. A staff member, a boy of fourteen with the rings of Saturn darkly framing his once blue eyes, places a slipping hazard sign next to the other pregnant woman who has fallen and is now drowning in the special little puddle. He laments that all the sawdust has been used to fill the Christmas Manger Scene.
At 4am Dec 24th I finally get to the counter. Each of my bank cards has cracked and split due to the pressure of being tightly contained in the pocket of a pair of trousers no longer able to adequately contain the effects of a week of drinking blended mince pies in a cardboard cup that is designed to conduct heat directly through human fingers. I sigh. Jeremy Clarkson looks up from the dust jacket. For one second his gigantic face grimaces into a smile, a chasm. Should I jump? Can I? It beckons me - glorious oblivion. Merry Christmas, I think, as Noddy Holder’s voice rings out once more.
I turn. As if by Christmas miracle, the pregnant lady's water has broken. A staff member, a boy of fourteen with the rings of Saturn darkly framing his once blue eyes, places a slipping hazard sign next to the other pregnant woman who has fallen and is now drowning in the special little puddle. He laments that all the sawdust has been used to fill the Christmas Manger Scene.
At 4am Dec 24th I finally get to the counter. Each of my bank cards has cracked and split due to the pressure of being tightly contained in the pocket of a pair of trousers no longer able to adequately contain the effects of a week of drinking blended mince pies in a cardboard cup that is designed to conduct heat directly through human fingers. I sigh. Jeremy Clarkson looks up from the dust jacket. For one second his gigantic face grimaces into a smile, a chasm. Should I jump? Can I? It beckons me - glorious oblivion. Merry Christmas, I think, as Noddy Holder’s voice rings out once more.
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