The binman chronicles
Player Valuation: £80m
I'm a physio and my considered medical advice is to go to a proper medical professional like a dr or physio who can do tests and properly diagnose what is going on and give you good advice instead of asking the quacks on here.
You have to admit some of the finest quacks in the world can be found here

Cut your leg off and learn to hop .
Half tempted by this but there is one big issue, if I get the same in the other I will be disappearing faster than a gingerbread man in the hands of a vicious and starving 7 year old.