5 toilet paper substitutes

[JimmyJeffers]

In these troubled times I think we need to pool our considerable knowledge and resources together in order to survive the impending toilet paper famine. Please write your suggestions here, complete with reviews out of 5.
I’ll start
1) dock leafs. 4/5 ‘nature’s butt wipe’ always comes up smelling of roses
2) my friend’s cat 3/5 effective and reusable. Also self cleaning, however stitching the scrotum afterwards proved time consuming and painful.
3) the living room curtains. 2/5 good removal but I am getting a less than fragrant waft everytime I close them due to the neighbours peaking through to phone the RSPCA.
4) socks. 5/5 excellent! Top marks. Plus can be cleaned by running through a damp meadow.
5) a Steel wool scrubber 1/5. If I could give 0 marks I would. Poor cleaning coverage and also left scratches. Absolute waste of time. Don’t even bother.

Let’s have your suggestions please

 

[Tipp blue]

The Sun

 

[royalblue66]

Tights from next door's clothes line.

 

[Jimishorts]

my friend’s cat

All day long JJ. The 2 from next door are showing massive potential.

The big fat ginger one is especially looking very soft atm.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

All day long JJ. The 2 from next door are showing massive potential.

The big fat ginger one is especially looking very soft atm.

I advise wearing protection

 

[john jako]

Any go wrong with a flannel if you need to reuse them.

Baby wipes are good, just don’t flush them.

or go fully Arabic and use your hands then wash. A poo followed by a shower will suffice. We ain’t running out of water anytime soon.

 

[LinekersLegs]

*considers adding the cats to our “shelter at home” restrictions

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Any go wrong with a flannel if you need to reuse them.

Baby wipes are good, just don’t flush them.

or go fully Arabic and use your hands then wash. A poo followed by a shower will suffice. We ain’t running out of water anytime soon.

Excellent post JJ. I have taken to using the cat litter tray also in these desperate desperate times

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Christ I’m bored

 

[LouReedwalkonthewildside]

Grease proof paper.

 

[Paris]

A bidet.

Was fantastic when I had the runs in Cambodia.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Grease proof paper.

Hello! And how was it?

 

[JimmyJeffers]

A bidet.

Continental!

 

[marnie]

Jelly apparently.

 

[Jimishorts]

Grease proof paper.

Too much smeager, next doors cat is better.