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Serious question- how do people distinguish between ‘not ready for the prem’ and ‘not very good’? Is it just an age thing? I’ve heard both phrases used about Chermiti (who can’t even score in Scotland) and Kean (who is succeeding in Italy). Players’ trajectories obviously differ but Are there...

Calvert-Lewin.

FWIW, I am boycotting Ferrari, Maserati and Lamborghini for similar reasons. They’re not getting a penny of my money. I’ll stick with my Dacia

Just to be clear, if tickets do ever up on general sale that will mean you don’t need a ‘membership’ to get one? I.e the ‘membership’ just gets you entered into a priority ballot but if there were tickets left after this, then they would be available to people without a membership. Is that...

I live in Scotland and I’ve not looked at getting to a game yet, but I will probably use seat unique when I do. To go to one game a season, it’s a £60 membership to enter a ballot to pay £75. That’s £135 but I have no guarantee that I will get a ticket for the weekend that I am able to go...

He should swap that head before his date with Aunt Sally

I think poor Esther has a lot on her plate at the moment. Getting the scouse-hating Daily Heil on board is a good shout though

Spot on. You might not like the business we’ve don’t but this is a massive upgrade

The cups are absolutely key this year. I watched Crystal Palace v the seal clubbers on Thursday and their fans were bouncing. 8th-15th makes no real difference but imagine even a cup semi at Wembley. That’ll be what makes the club really start to feel good about itself.

Even the referee couldn’t bear to watch another minute of it

Koeman is the second worst ahead of Benitez. Hated the club and spent millions on substandard players

Is this a line from the theme tune to Record Breakers with Roy Castle?

Can’t work out whether this is a blow job joke, a comment on her mental health or that she just likes to agree with people a lot.

Im excited for the move, but with his injury record, I’m a bit worried about the prospect of him hitting the ground running.

When he picks up the ball, will the crowd shout, ‘Teeeerrrrnnnn (o)’

I’m amazed not to have read Dyche’s name. The football in the first half of this season was the worst I have seen (and I go back to the 90s). Players were making five-yard sideways passes and misplacing them. They were rightly booed for this. In hindsight, they were terrified that they would...

Everton are in the Champions League according to the BBC website. IMWT

I thought she was going to lift her skirt up or something!

Surely 30 goals at Goodison doesn’t get him close to the top 3. I think Les Ferdinand is close to that.

We have Big, upside down scrotums. With eyes on. And stubble. And clown feet.