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Can work something in to the tune of Don’t You Want Me by Human League, surely? Don’t give up, mate.

In my limited experience I don’t find him to be a WUM at all. He is at the forefront of what is a pretty new and very niche area of media, and he’s made a massive name for himself. He might post rumours that ultimately don’t pan out, but I guess that’s the downside to having to be seen to be...

So, wait, is he a fraud or is he someone worthy of reposting?!

Would be excellent for us tbf

They’ve just got a new midfielder in, so that might be the catalyst for any move. WATCH THIS SPACE.

Exciting one. Be boss, lad.

Mate it’s a friendly. Everton friendly results aren’t making the back pages of any paper during a transfer window. What you mean is that you want Everton to get busy because you’ve got a cob on, and you’ll be even more insufferable if we lose. Which is fine, by the way, but let’s just not...

Hark at the speaking clock over here

How odd that you’ve cherry picked the least inspiring name out of a reasonable number of seemingly credible rumours. You’re so determined to be a little grump.

Thierno Barry’s following him on insta. It’s done, lads.

When Big Mick Fofana is banging in his third against Leeds, I hope he pulls up his top to reveal a tshirt that says “I’m only here because of Nicky Ham”. Pipe yous all right down.

Decided Doku is better for City’s style of play than him* City spent far too much on a player that was never the type of player they tried to make him. Not really his fault and he’s given it his all whenever called upon.

Think we’re a good fit for him. Agree re Villa for obvious reasons, but I think we’re in a similar position to Villa were when he turned on the razzle dazzle and attracted City’s attention, he loves doing his bit for charity so you know he’d be front and centre of all the EITC stuff and I think...

Yeah I’m alright with it. It’s Davey’s new Phil Neville innit?

I would be one tumescent fellow if we pulled this one off.

A lovely little “never fancied her, anyway” from the Bayern fans camp, there. Welcome, Big Mick.

🚨 🚨 🚨 🚨 🚨 🚨 🚨 🚨

“WE NEED SIGNINGS IMMEDIATELY FFS EVERTON” “Aznou is signing immediately” “HE’S NOT EVEN IN AMERICA OH MY GOD EVERTON YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING” Bunch of absolute ghouls.

That a lot of players have said no to us at the moment. Personally I don’t think this transfer story gets as far as it has if he’d flat out said “no”.

Meet you back here in 7 days, mucker