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Just back from Nandos, quater hot chicken, chips and spicy rice, fat coke.

Someone i knew rubbed their finger on their dirtbox and shoved it under the nose of his team mate who was just about to take the kick off. It was funny to watch as the bloke on the receiving end wobbled about on the pitch with tears in his eyes and gagging! He ran off th pitch trying top get rid...

I have introduced pears as part of my daily fruit intake. They make me fart a hell of alot more.

im just laffing at the word 'bellend'

My mates Mrs, I would love to part her curls.

Two mothers days card, one for mi ma and one from mi daughter to mi mrs.

Collected £20 winnings from Paddy Power just now, put £20on 3/1 shot (dog) and it lost. Now back at work.

People who chew their chewing gum loud. Shut your [Poor language removed] mouth when chewing.

If interviewed by a woman ask her if she takes it up the clacker valve.

My old school pal managed to bang our PE teacher in our last year at school. We were under age drinkers in a club and the school teacher was new to our school so did not recognise us as pupils and he manged to pull her one night. He was a legend at the time. He also never leaked it to his...

Put all your money up a wafty old clunge, you wouldn't want to get that out!

Hair Pie

Buttocks

Have you shagged your boss?

Two old ladies sitting at the front one shoved her finger up the other ones ****

Cheese

my mrs struming her [Poor language removed] with her index finger.